Giving up the booze

And another early morning 2 miles under my belt this morning.  Out before the cars and people so lovely and peaceful 

We'll be ok Cinders, my running speed is almost walking anyway!

a good friend of mine, who has ran about 10-11 marathons, all around the 4hour mark +/- 5mins was taking the mickey out of me because i was so slooooow when we went out for a run together once. He's a big drinker (at least a couple of pints / cans every night) and smokes about 10 a day, and his marathon training consists of one 11-12 mile run per week. He mocked my first marathon effort of 5:08, and now we've both entered the Manchester Marathon next April, so my goal is to beat him. He's going to continue as he normally does with minimal training, but this is giving me the motivation I need to train my ass off over the next 6 months and take him on the finish line. it should help to keep my own drinking in check, but i'll be encouraging him to drink as much as he likes

Hi all,

AgentGinger Wow talk about something of a competitive streak for you both.

The Manchester Marathon will be my first, so I think I will just let you  get on with it on the day .

Hi Sunluvva, I tend to wait till about 9am till I go for my run.

AengentGinger, I'm almost positive it will help you with the beer.

My own battle is Tuesday, I get paid (if you benefits can be called ) goes in to bank. So tempted to have a beer after buying food and paying bills etc. I get fed up with the news saying more welfare cuts, so thats why I'm  thinkiing oof getting drunk.

Since getting my degree I have tried so hard in getting back into work or voluntary work. But as soon as I mention I have pts and a bpd (caused by childhood trauma) no one wants to know.

I have returned to college just to do some maths and English and In January I will be going on a full  time course to help people like  me to get their health and safety certifcates and so on. After this I hope to go back (they said I wasn't ready first time) to Mental Health Matters. An organisation that helps mental health clients back into work or voluntary work. Then depending on money, I want to get my Cognitive Behaviour therapy chartership, this would mean I could work for myself or for an established company.

Is there anything else I can do at this stage that I can do to get back into work, as I really can't do much more at  this stage?

sounds like you're doing all the right things Sinbad, good luck with your job hunting and training. One suggestion i'd have, it may apply to you or may not, but as a contractor I often find myself with a couple of weeks, or even longer (one period I had 2 months) between contracts, during which time I find myself drifting a bit. There are certain periods in the year when recruiters seem to down tools, and there's little you can do but religiously apply for contracts, contact agents and wait.

without a routine I go a bit off the ranch. I suffer from mild depression and routine is one of the things that definitely helps keep it at bay, so i've found through my own experience that even between jobs I go to bed and get up at the same time, as though i was going to work, and have a list of jobs to do throughout the day, helps keep me motivated and feels good to have achieved something. I plan exercise each day too, helps to keep the blood flowing and stave off the black dog.

each to their own, but works for me, and means when a contract comes along I'm ready to hit the ground running, and it feels less of a drag getting back into the swing of things.

Hi all,

Thanks for that AgentGinger.

I have found over this past  year and since running again, that I have been wanting to domore. I will certainly take into account what you said aboutcontracts.

However, I have found that unnless you have the backing  of a mental health organisation, then employers tend to ignore you. But I won't give in. I will get back to work. Yet the disability I have means I find manual jobs very difficult, whether it be as a kitchen porter for Britania hotels, or as a casual factory worker for Kiplings, I didn't have the cordination for Kiplings and or speed, or the same for kitchen porter.

Thisis  why I chose psychology, with my own personal history of abuse, I have found that people are more open with me. And as a proffessional of the future would profer to see me than someone with just the qualifications. I just get so angry about benefit cuts.

30 years ago Thatcher and John Major did exactly the same things, and ripped the country apart. Who will they go to next once they demolished the welfare state?

If you have noticed a few months back it was all about the NHS. Its not that they have not given up with demolishing the NHS, its still happening, but pushed to the background, so that when the news comes back to the NHS the changes have already happened and nobody do anything about it.

Sorry, I know how they work. I won't say which party, but back when I was 18 and thatcher brought in Housing Associations, I knew the end of council homes was coming in, and homelessness increase, and people having to move about because of bad landlords, or they wait till they get a tennant and then increase the rent.

I'm sure that many of you will  disagree. But the failiure to put a mansion tax on the rich says it all. This is a far right conservative government, and will do the same damage and Thatcher and Major. I await for the nasty replies to this post.

Hi all,

think this will be my last post in here I'm angry enough to post my abuse

I was 9 years old. I could hear my mother calling me from my bedroom, ring police she said no my dad called, I got to phone and thats I remember. But even then I knew he was trying to rape my mother.

I was 11 and I was nearly hit by a car outside my home, I was in shock, he came into my room and sat across me, and strangled me till i lost consciosness, my mother had to physically stop him.

He would become violent even from something on the news,  he would get me in the corner and, prod and poke me, trying to get me to fight him ( i knew if I did he would kill me) so I stood there and he would grasp me by my balls and penis but didn't hurt me.

I learnt that when he attacked me he would not rape my mother.

I was so scared my mother put a lock on my bbedroom.

I was so scared to respond to him from my room that when i did from the top if the stairs i saw him with a knifee  in his hand, my mother fighting to stop him from killing me.

At school I was classed as stupid because I couldn't walk orr talk properly, i would be attacked on the bus, or atagonised iin lecture rooms till hit back.

continued,

I told school what was going on, I was sent to see an eduucational psychologist, they knew I had a disability no one told me. I was then sent to see a professor of psychiatry who said my dad was trying to kill me cause he loved me.

I knew then it was a question of survial, thats why my mum put me in the sea cadets, and why i have returned to the sea, she is a wreck of a boat, but the sea kept me alive as a kid. The sea keeps me alive now, as he even tried to sto me from going to the sea cadets.

The abuse didnt stop there, I gfailed to get into the navy but got into the army. During basic traing I couldn't run or keep up with any of the traineg they threw me oit, even though i wanted to keep trying.

Whilst in shower 5 or 6 recruits came in, they pinned me down, and blackenned my penis and balls.

I have never been able to cope in groups either since school, or the army.

The dialetical behaviour group has been the first group I have survived.

I'm even trying desparately in college with maths and enghlish even though I have a degree, to trry and find better ways of coping and survive hopefull evven though i may be in my 50's to cope in the workplace.

I haave even been attacked with a broken bottle working at tesco, because i dared complain about someone.

Why Have i posted all this? so that yyou may undertsand what all these so called economics cutbacks are doing to people like me. Yes some are scroungers but others keep trying even though it makes us ill trying.

By the way. I only found out that I had Dyspraxia when i got to uni. Since then I have passed exam that has been thrown at me.

AM I ABUSING THE SYSTEM?  YOU TELL ME

Sinbad, please don't make that your last post.

When I read your first post of the day I was full of admiration for what you are doing to help yourself and your detirmination to help others. You are obviously doing as much as possible and it would be a terrible thing if your efforts were not recognised.

As for your political points about housing, NHS, the benefits system etc I found myself nodding in agreement with every word you said.  As you know I work with people with disbilities so I guess you know where I'm coming from. To hear Osborne sayng that working people should be 'angry' at those who can't work did make me angry - with him. Yes I know there are scroungers, but I hate it when everybody is tarred with the same brush.

I knew from hints you made already that there was serious trauma in your past and that your father had tried to kill you. To post what you did took a tremendous amount of courage, although you obviously needed to get it off youir chest.

To answer your question, no you are certainly not abusing the system, you are doing everything you can to help yourself As I said I'm very impressed with your guts and detirmination, and I am confident you will succeed.

Good luck tomorrow when you get paid, come on here and talk about how you feel about it if it helps.

Thank you Yeo,

I get verbally abused by people in the pub the street, people even walk across the street to be away from me.

that's all I can type, please were not all scroungers no one is standing up and saying wow hang on a minute there's a group thats trying, there's not just me there's thousands like me that are so scared of how  they will be punished because they were to young to  stop there abuse and speak out. I guess thats one reason why I'm ranting now, as I think one of the regulars have said.

Yet every time we  try to stand up for themselves or others its  twisted around so much, and because of their difficulties they then clam up, and if anything go back in on themselves. Ruining months if not years of hard they may have put in for themselves. Sorry will let you get back to normal in room. Every day though I live with the stigma of yur worthless.

sinbad, you are not worthless and I too have admiration for you being able to post what you did.

For me, the *scroungers* are the ones that don't want to help themselves.  The ones who have far too many kids and expect the rest to pay for everything.  That certainly isn't you so please stay.

Good plodding I see on fb SL 

Just a quick post from me.  Have read back a little way but not all I'm afraid.  Managed to get my pb yesterday at Royal Parks Half Marathon.  Finished in 2.10.21 which is 6 minutes faster than GNR 3 weeks ago and 5 minutes faster than my previous pb - was a very happy bunny!  Celebrated by sharing a bottle of champagne with my hubby.  Six months since I last got hammered.  Would like to think that I've found the right balance for me.

Keep persevering Sinbad and Agent Ginger things can only get better.

Well done on giving up the ciggies SL.  It's been 25 years since I last had a cigarette 

How's the Titsey training coming along?  I've got a couple of weeks before my next race - it's a 10K on 21 October so will probably rest up until parkrun on Saturday.  Good luck everyone

hi all,

trigger 2 thats an amazing time. One i can only dreaam of. The champagne was well deserved.

Yep, well done trigger, fab time

Hi all,

Thank you to Cinders and trigger2

Hope you all sleep well.

Way to go Trigger, great time and well deserved fizz - and the smiley should be a  for not smoking for 25yrs .  If I hadn't started again after stopping for 13 years I'd be saying I haven't smoked since 1982.  I started again in 1995, surprise surprise it was when hubby's drinking first got way out of hand although it had been getting worse since 1990 when our daughter was born  and he couldn't really cope - fancy that - he was the one with 'post natal depression' leaving me to cope with a baby, a toddler and him - why the f**k am I still putting up with it 

Sinbad - keep remembering all the great things you've achieved,  you've survived for a start and you're alive now - don't underestimate how important that is.  You've got a degree and you're still striving to better yourself, you might not have success in finding or keeping jobs but at least you' ve got off your ass and tried - scroungers don't do that..  Don't worry about what other people say or do - there's nothing you can do about what other people think so no point in letting them upset you, they're not important, Concentrate on getting yourself in a better place so you can achieve more of what you want - ignore the rest.

Training for Titsey is underway although I may be infringing trade descriptions by calling it training.  I did the 5 miles Sunday and 2 miles nice and early  yesterday with the doggies.  I'm going to running club tonight and thursday and will have another plod friday.  Saturday will be a 'rest day' - I think I'll need it by then  Sunday is race day and I'm looking forward to it.  I'll email ST to see if there's somewhere obvious we can meet.  We should be able to spot each other even though I haven't seen Cinders in person since before Thomas was born.  I've never met ST in the flesh but she's been snapped by the papperazi so many times recent'y I'm sure I'll recognise her!

Have a great day everyone x

Wow, that must be 5 years now then SL, I was about 4 or 5 months preggars I think.  Not met HTF or ST so looking forward to it all

Good running SL.

2 miles on the treddie just now.  Titsey could be fun

Evening all - club run earlier tonight - it's too dark for off road and there aren't lot's of lit up streets in Paddock Wood so tonight was circuit intervals - run about a mile to start of circuit,  4 mins as fast as you can with 2 mins recovery, do that 5 times then back the long way round.  I'm very pleased to say that after 6 days off the fags I was able to keep up with the ladies towards the back instead of lagging behind them all    I shall have tomorrow off, go to club again Thursday, have another stagger friday then rest till Sunday........... Titsey here we come 

Great going SL, you keep up off the fags   We'll be following you at Titsey

Hi all,

Thanks for the support.

I'm very hung over today. I had over ten pints, not sure how i got home.

What sent me on a downer is that they want to cut another 10 billion on welfare.

I already know I'm going to have to pay some rent and council tax.

And I'm still waiting for the decision to see if I have to go for the Atos assessment.

The news of more cuts got to me.

Paying for the price now though

Hope to back to a normal service soon.

Hope your all ok?

Sunluvva I think you stay with your husband as you still loe him, hope I'm not out of place.

well done for staying off the fags sunluvva.

don't fret too much about things you can't change Sinbad, just deal with what you can. i know that's vague, armchair philosophy bull$hit, but it's useful to remember if you're prone to anxiety.