Giving up the booze

Can I?!!!

30,621 to 30,640 of 31,655 messages
19/06/2013 at 08:59

HI All,

I'm in Wetherspoons with my  tablet, no beer. Its taken me an hour but I have got it working wo ho.

hope all ok

19/06/2013 at 12:38

Hi All,

Just a quick post.

I'm back at home, didn't even have a pint.

Instead bought a pair of sports direct Nike running shoes (so they advertise).

As I didn't really sleep well with no tablets, I'm off to bed. Hopefully it will help me be up at the crack of dawn, for a 5k.

TST keep us upto date with the battle that you are both having please?

Hope all is okay?

19/06/2013 at 13:57

Any news TST?

20/06/2013 at 14:36

Hi All,

I start with a wo ho. I didn't get up for a run, I felt really tired. But they came to take the gas metre out, and I now hope this is the end of a 6 year battle with the gas companies.

I got myself wound up about it, and hadto fight not to get drunk before coming to my mothers. But I resisted, and when I got here, I got changed and went for a 5k run, a first for me, beer normally wins.

I got a time of 46.20, but I a PB for 1k of 7 mins 31seconds. That overall time was being stopped at traffic lights twice.

I hope it all goes well for TST family today to.

I hope trigger2 and SL are doing okay also.

Why don't I just sayeveryoneow er.That includes those that like to stay in the background.

Julia you ok. I only saw you about your blog, how's that going?

23/06/2013 at 09:35

Hi All,

Well thats it now.

My mum every time I go keeps telling me how well Colin Smith is doing. How he's settled down with a girlfriend, and work.

He was one of most kids at school who bullied me. I have a piece of my ear that is curved, and they would flick my ear, until I would snap and it would take the teacher to drag me off whoever it was flicking my ears.

I couldn't speak properly and I needed weighted shoes in order to teach me to walk properly, and I went to a speach therapist from junior school to high school. They would lure me into their groups, and then push me out with being nasty to me. For instance, I played cricket with my one friend, outside of his house. Even though I just lived across the rd, he came and waked me with a stick right across the nose.

I couldn't go anywhere without being attacked, bullied or intimidated.

I shouted at my mum telling her how much he bullied me. She then had the cheek to tell me he didn't bully anymore, and that she didn't think my bullying was that bad at school.

A kid at school hanged himself because of the bullying. His mother approached my mum asking how I was doing, as she knew I was being bullied, so my mum knew exactly how bad it was at school for me.

Every time I go to see her, she brings Colin Smith up, one of the ringleaders, even though I asked her not to.

I do not know how to survive in groups, whether it be social or in the workplace or college. I'm the one that's pushed out everytime, so I have given up even trying.

Binge drinking is a form of Alcoholism, so I guess I'm an alcoholic. that's the only way I can survive. 

I wish I had a girlfriend, but I dare not even try. Because no matter how much we would both try, they just wouldn't be able to cope.

Anyway that's enough now, I'm off to get drunk.

 

 

 

23/06/2013 at 16:47

Hi All,

TST are you both okay?

23/06/2013 at 17:41

Hi Sinbad, hope you're ok. Sounds like you've been through some tough times, hope you're feeling a bit better and that you manage to find a way to cope with it without drinking. I'm going to try to get out for a run this evening, I've had a bit of a lazy weekend.

24/06/2013 at 13:36

Afternoon everyone   Mr TST made it through his meeting ok.  In fact they were very impressed with how much of the questionnaire we'd done and that Mr TST had a nicely printed out and bound copy of it to refer to in the meeting!  His boss was brilliant, going in a suit and tie which made Mr TST feel that he was taking it seriously.  They only made a few changes and Mr TST was congratulated on referring to his van as a 'site', which was one of my better brainwaves!   We've found out today that the board meeting for the banding is 4 July, which is Mr TST's birthday!  Hope that's good luck   We won't find out straight away what the result is, but hopefully the HR guy will let us know as soon as he can what the result is.  

Had a lovely lazy weekend this weekend, it's been months since we've had one where there hasn't been something to prepare do with Mr TST's banding so it we just chilled, watched tv and caught up on sleep. 

Sorry to hear you've not been having a great time at your mums Sinbad, but really well done on getting out for your run.  Stick with your On Trak and counselling and you will get there slowly; like everything, getting better takes time but you will get there in the end.

Hope you have a good run tonight DG.  I'm out for a run also - run 7, walk 2 x 3.  Going to be tough as it's a 2 minute jump on the run bit from Friday's run, but I'll get through it

24/06/2013 at 15:30

Hi All,

Thanks for that TST DG.

I will never see my mum again. I sat down and worked out what has been happenning, and to be honest, she uses by me being bullied as a means off control.

I have dated it back to my mid twenties, using Collin Smith as a way of controlling me, and making me look pathetic screaming and shouting.

She has had two chances now since 2010 in not using my disability, and bullying as a means of controlling me, well no more, I warned her the last time. Enough is enough.

I'm hoping to get out for a run early Tuesday morning.

Booze wise. I'm back to drinking 3-4 times a week, and about 10 pints plus, and having southern comfort, and sambcas, this is how ill she has made me.

PTS was when she said to bring about a few hours of anger and drinking. BPD is where my drinking ands anger can go on for weeks, or months, sometimes a year.

TST sounds positive about your with the boss. Just try not to build yourselves up though, but hope it does go your way. I'm glad you both managed to get some time together.

25/06/2013 at 09:46

Hi All,

Its official I'm back on the booze, but till Wednesday no money, but I will be having at least 8 pints as much as I can.

I tried desparetly to just now go for a run, but I only managed 50 meters. My mind just didn't want to know.

As far as I'm concerned my mother does not exist. She has had two chances thats it.

Three years ago when I finally got back in touch after no matter contact for 6 years, I warned her that any more attempts of trying to control me, that would be it, I would dissappear again. Sorry to say, but she has had het two chances,

I have tried so hard with her. I have even let go the comments she has made about my disability, even though she has read a book about it, and admitted her mistakes, she still rallied me.

She knows how to get my PTS going, and how to lead it onto BPD, and she still does it.

I just can't do it anymore. This can go on for months now, before I even begin to pull myself out of it again.

If your wondering what BPD is (Borderline Personality Disorder), Its where once something has triggered the PTS, for me prolonged abuse from 9-16 years. YOu have no way of dealing with that trauma, and if you have experienced it elsewhere, bullying at school etc. The only way you can cope is to switch off, until the trauma has subsided. Then you try to build yourself up, and try and put new better ways of coping. But for me home, school and army 6 weeks basic training (Black Balled), then kicked out. Has been touch much for me, no matter how hard I try, all I can manage is a few weeks moinths of stability.

Anyway hope your all okay?

25/06/2013 at 15:31

Hi All,

Right now Im not bothered if I live or die.

Roll on pay day, straight into the bar, bang on 9am.

Hope all okay?

My mother is a vindictve controlling, I will never see her again.

25/06/2013 at 20:33

Hi All,

Sorry, but I'm really not coping well.

Every little bit of my rotten life is getting worse and worse.

Amyway, I hope all is as best as can be for you all

25/06/2013 at 22:46

Hi All,

Hope your not post because of your posts.

I cannot compete with Colin Smith, and the bully at the same time at the harbour. Plus another one who was there at the time of the Man city winning league cup.

I can't escape them, and I know I should stand up to them, but I have tried so hard to be with my mum, but even after the warning I gave her, she still tries to control me.

As to the guy in the harbour, he is exactly like my father, either do it my way, or I willbe nasty to you. Usually with the two or three cronies he calls friends.

I snapped with the harbour guy, as he said, even with my new engine, your not going out in that, and get your mooring in, and I suggest to you leave your engine inside the boat, he suggested. I had already decided to do that, but even if I tried to say it or do it after you say it. He says ar you did what I suggested.

This is exactly how my father was, do it my way, and up to my standards, or I will attack you. Usually by grabbing my balls and penis, up against my face, screaming at me. He didn't hurt me, and later he would tell people I'm gay that he worked with, and they had kids at school so they all called me gay.

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I don't want to go the harbour in this state in case of him verbally abusing me again (its just not me, he does it to all but three or four people that hang out with him.

What I'm scared of is him hitting the right spots to trigger a PTS epsiode, and I would lash out unknowingly.

i don't know what to do anymore.

26/06/2013 at 00:05

Hi Sinbad,

Sorry to hear things aren't going well at the moment. As TST says, stick with On Trak and counselling and things will get better time, and hopefully they will help you find a way of coping with these feelings, avoiding the triggers that are causing you to drink  and keeping things under control. We'll be thinking of you, all the best.

26/06/2013 at 18:18
sinbad113 wrote (see)

Hi All,

Sorry, but I'm really not coping well.

Every little bit of my rotten life is getting worse and worse.

Amyway, I hope all is as best as can be for you all

Sinbad, why not give A.A. a shot?  Most folk go to A.A. as the 2nd to last resort prior to suicide and going from my own experience, I often had suicidal thoughts; or at least when I regained consciousness after a heavy night, I wish I hadn't.

Counselling and triggers meant nothing to me; being conscious was a trigger for drinking and the only way I could avoid that was by drinking enough. Understanding why I drank the way I did was useless too - it was the way I felt when sober that drove me drink; I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter.  Self knowledge didn't keep me sober.

A.A. isn't about standing up and telling everyone what an idiot we've been; that's rubbish; but often we're the place of last resort - you can just tip up and drink the coffee - you don't have to do or say anything.

Ga'arn, be a devil and give it a shot; it may change your life. 

Regards; stay safe,

EDI

27/06/2013 at 11:48

Hi everyone

Sinbad I really, really think you need to get some help as soon as possible.  It's actually really scary what you're posting and I'm quite worried about you.  Can you find an AA group near you to go to?  I feel it really is worth a try and you could continue with On Trak too.  But I really think you also need some serious professional help above the On Trak/AA help, are you able to go back to your doctor and explain what is going on and tell them you need help?  If you don't feel able to talk to them can you take your table and show them the last couple of pages so they understand.  Please find someone to help you with all this.

27/06/2013 at 14:27

^^^^

Good advice, Two-Stroke!

27/06/2013 at 14:40

Afternoon all

Agree with the others sinbad, you need to get some help as soon as you can.

 

27/06/2013 at 15:02

I've been lurking too and haven't posted as I didn't know how to support/respond to Sinbad's posts - please listen to the others' advice Sinbad and get some help

28/06/2013 at 15:14

Hi All,

I wont post again. Take care and good luck to u all

 

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