Giving up the booze

Can I?!!!

30,641 to 30,660 of 31,661 messages
28/06/2013 at 15:29

Sinbad, what is the matter? 

We are encouraging you to post and trying to help because we are worried about your health and welfare.  We aren't saying we don't want you to post.  People want to help, but don't know how, and it's difficult on a forum to give specific help which is why we are advising you get proper professional help.  It's also very worrying for you to say you won't post again as I, for one, am now more worried about you.

28/06/2013 at 17:23

Hi All,

I hear you TST. I haven't realised I had gone that deep with my posts. I have been trying to follow all of your leads on how deep to go. 

It gets really hard for me to what to tell people and what not to tell  people. 

When meeting people and trying to make friends I get terrified on what gto tell people, as I try to build up with people, slowly. It just ends up the same, as we all learn to trust people the longer you know them, but when I tell people they can't handle what I have told them, as in here.

I have tried really hard to be supportive for all of you in here, and want to be here for you all.

EDI I hear you, about it being the sobering up time being one of the worst times, I think thats what happenning here. 

Trigger2 sorry for making you feel that uncomfortable.

There is something called Pathways in South Yorkshire, my cpn is going to chat with me about it on Monday, but again there is a volunteer there that used to be a nieghbour there. But I will chat to my cpn about that to. I'm not trying to put obstacles in the way, I just don't want to build my hopes up again.

With regards to the abuse (hope not too deep again). I'm seeing a specialist councillor at some stage soon I hope. So I am trying. 

There is a 24 hour cpn helpline people can use that I could have asked for help, but I honestly didn't realise how ill I have/had become. So hopefully, I can try again to keep it at a level that you can cope with, and the level that you all post about.

EDI about AA, I'm worried about having too many things going on to go to AA. But it is an option that I will always keep in the front of my mind.

AgainI'm sorry for going to deep. I just didn't realise just how my mental health has detriorated.

Sorry

29/06/2013 at 11:45

Hi everyone - I've not been on for a while and I hope things are OK for everyone. My current status can be easily summarised: Life is quite good but no running and too much drinking.

sinbad - I've just had a quick look back at your recent posts and I'm sorry things have been so tough for you.

I've worked in the field of community mental health for some time and know that PTS and BPD are two conditions that are a long way from being understood and that support and treatment is still being developed. I've known people for whom EMDR has worked effectively in enabling living with PTS and others for whom DBT has very helpful to manage some of symptoms of BPD. I'm sure these are options that the professionals who have supported you have suggested but if not, it might be worth asking your GP about them. You always appear to me to have an intelligent insight into your own life and difficulties and that would be a good starting point for these kind of interventions. 

I haven't seen anyone who has suggested that you shouldn't post, or that you change the nature of what you post. We've all got our difficulties and there has always been an openness and supportive spirit here and I think you've both benefitted and contributed to it; I think we all welcome that from each other.

I guess all I would add is try not to mistake concern that people show for you for a message that you are not welcome as that is definitely not the case. I think in any community people will react differently to someone in distress - some will simply not want to comment for fear of saying the wrong thing or making things worse but this often comes from a place of compassion, rather than because people don't care. 

After some of your life experiences, I'm sure there will always be challenges but you seem resilient. Others have advised that you seek professional help so I won't add to that, other than to say I agree. However, alongside that, do the things that make you feel freer, like the sailing and runnning...and keep letting us know how it's all going.

I hope everyone else is OK and enjoying the weekend. 

30/06/2013 at 11:07

How's it going, Sinbad?

I recently celebrated a four year 'no drinking' aniversary; we call 'em sobriety birthdays in A.A..  I was given a card, cake, and a four-year-medallion and told how wonderful I was! 

I don't like 'special attention', but it was still nice.  My old drinking self, even though it wasn't that long ago, seems like it was someone else.  It's lovely to have that monkey off my back; the one that made me drink, spent all my money; caused me all kinds of trouble.

Last Friday, Mrs EDI and myself headed out for a day in the mountains reccying a fell race.  Running about the mountains gave me a real sense of freedom (no doubt you experience that while sailing); but freedom from alcohol - from feeling like we're forced to drink is a gift too.  You know, back when I was drinking, even when I wasn't drinking, I was thinking about drinking - planning how to get stuff done so I could start; it's lovely not to be like that anymore.  Freedom eh?

And four-years-ago I was 39 years old, but felt more like 79 years old.  Walking to the off-license used to tire me; so running fell races was in the realm of fantasy land for me.  I'm always near the back of 'em mind; but working on moving up the pack.

Don't give up hope, Sinbad, lose hope and we lose everything. I've seen some really chronic miserable alkies, close to death, stop drinking, get their lives back together, get happy and live sober; it's like a real death and resurrection of the human spirit; it's magical to watch and be a part of.  I'm actually pleased to be a sober alkie these days; I wouldn't change a thing.  I've learnt so much about life through my alcoholism that I view it as a kind of gift.  Weird huh?  There's plenty like me out there who feel the same about their ex-drinking problem.

I can identify with your posts; you sound like how I used to be; and if I can do it - one day at a time - you can too, mate.  This might be a bit strange, but if you ever want to chat, send me a message and I'll give you my phone number; I'm just a daft Geordie.

Take care 'n' stay safe,

EDI

 

30/06/2013 at 12:01

Some sound advice there Sinbad.  Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

You do not have to just walk into an AA meeting.  Give the helpline a ring, and just start a conversation.  I can't stop drinking is usually quite a popular opening sentence.

x

30/06/2013 at 14:14

Hi All,

hope to... I hear you.

I have found an AA in Huddersfield. As you say its a question of making that call.

I'm ok now all. 

The tthree major issues that pushed me to binge drinking this time, has been. The German boat owner in Scarborough, he's identical character to my dad. The guy who I had been paying before he did the work, never again, and. My mother, I have tried so hard to be with her, but I just can't cope with her attitudes towards me, mainly controlling me. She knows just how to push the right the buttons so I snap. I told her no calls or contact for instance, and as soon as my brother sees her, he's texting me, even though I told her to bin anything I left.

I will do all I can not to put any of you under pressure here. To the extent that I will just stick to how much I drink, and what runs I have done.

I'm not sure if its because your all busy by not posting, or myself going too deep, for no posts?

I have not been on a run today, I hope to do one Monday through to at least Wednesday, but also no beer.

Hope you are all okay? I feel that none of you may not want to know thats okay t, I understand.

30/06/2013 at 17:04

Glad that people have been able to post to help you Sinbad.  I'm lucky in that I recognised I was drinking too frequently before it really became a problem and I'm grateful for that.

Haven't been able to run this weekend - nursing a stinking head cold on the one weekend that the sun has decided to shine!

Only 2 weeks to a 10k so I'd better get my sorry ar*e out there next week for sure.

Hope you're all enjoying the sunshine

30/06/2013 at 17:14

 

At the end of the day alcohol is but a sympton of a problem.  Using alcohol is basically self medicating.  Take the booze away, and the problems are still there unless you do something to resolve things.  

No one can make that call for you.  The person who will answer will be a recovering alcoholic, who just like you had to have the courage to pick up the phone and ask for help.   Honestly, that is the hardest bit, from then on in, the help is all there, you just have to be willing to take it.  Your life could improve, you may make friends, you will longer feel alone.  Sounds a no brainer to me.

30/06/2013 at 17:49

Check out this forum too:

soberRecovery

Edited: 30/06/2013 at 17:51
30/06/2013 at 17:53

Hi All,

I missed Apparitions and read EDI, and triiger and hope to posts.

I must admit, I'm having a little cry.

I've never had support like this apart from the mental health services like it.

I'm skint till Wednesday, but I will go for the blood tests on Wednesday, and I have already decided to take the medication even before knowing the side effects, I'm tired and had enough of being on this merry go round, I want to get off permanently.

I hope you get up onto those mountain and get running up there. 

The boat is the lifesaver for me, but I'm just worried about going into that PTS mode. I'm determined to go on the 24th July no matter what, but if I have the cash, I will try and get their erliar.

I will ask about the EDMI when I speak to my key worker next week Apparition.

TST is so right, when you binge drink, inbetween times when you try to stay sober. You see yourself drunkenly telling total strangers, and aquaintences just what made you get in that state.

Once again thankyou for putting up with me. I hope that I do give supporting support sometimes?

EDI I'm impressed with the four year sober, hope I can get to that stage soon.

I love running to, as well as the boat. I get what your saying EDI.

My Garmin is fully charged, and ready for that run in the morning.

I hope you get out for that run asap trigger2.

30/06/2013 at 19:57

That sounds like a plan, Sinbad; keep working at it till you find what works for you; and you will if you put enough effort into it.

I was told early on after I started to get serious about not drinking, that if I put just 50% of the effort I spent on my drinking into my recovery, I'd succeed.

There's some great interweb recourses too; I quite liked the forum Sober Recovery; there's lots of helpful stuff there - many different viewpoints - and it covers a whole range of methods that people use to survive their alcoholism.

01/07/2013 at 06:34

Hi All,

EDI thanks for that, I will check on the Sober Recovery site at some stage soon.Also I may take you u on putting a post in your box, but not the phone number, if thats okay? I just think it keeps it all a pegging in here rather than building up too much with a friend, hope that makes sense.

I just did a run at 5am this morning in 55.03 minuets, a little disappointed in the time, but the past week or so, I have been on the booze, at least its a start,

As for my depth of chat I remember SL, and TST saying? Post away we may not read them all, and may not reply to any of them. So that's what I'm saying here. By me just having a place (here), where I can post without people pushing me out, is a massive boost for me, and I say thankyou. So please don't feel that you have to put a reply, just being here, is enough.

Apparition, I have done the DBT group, yes I have to admit it has helped to some degree. In the way, it has taught me, about if you your thoughts to become emotions, its that part between emotions becoming damaging behaviour that is the key. Its how to stop the emotions becoming behaviour that has to be turned around.

Anyway, I've woffled on enough.

I hope your all okay?

01/07/2013 at 08:23

Hi Sinbad,

Message me anytime you like; don't worry about building up a friendship thing; I'm just trying to be helpful.

And I'm well impressed with you running at 5.00 am; I'm not a morning (person) runner and 5.00 am doesn't exist for me now.  I also think recovery from alcoholism is a bit like starting to run.  It's tough - very tough - to begin with, we have to put loads of effort in and the results often aren't great, but we just focus on one training run at-a-time, like we focus on making our lives the best we can one-day-at-a-time, and improvement happens.  And just like we have to come out of our comfort zones while running, if we want to get faster/run further, it's the same with recovery.  All too often we try to avoid doing the stuff that makes us feel uncomfortable, and we end up in a mess.  I was king procrastinator; I still am, but I'm moving in the right direction.

I liked what you wrote about emotions becoming damaging behavior.  Feelings are powerful things; they create intentions and intentions create actions.  At a simple level if I feel hungry I'll end up eating; in the same vein, if I allowed myself to get hacked off enough, I'd end up drinking.  As someone pointed out earlier, drinking is just a symptom of a deeper problem. I also think that as problem drinkers that our 'emotional muscles' aren't very strong.  When we suffer with negative feelings and we repeatedly hit the bottle, we're end up in a state where we don't know what to do - other than drink - when we're feeling pissed off.  So it's quite important to keep on toughening it out in the early days and coming out of our comfort zones.  I found the advice given in the Just For Today thing a great help in the early days:

http://alcoholselfhelpnews.wordpress.com/2007/04/23/just-for-today-card/

It's a bit cheesy, but the advice is solid.

Hope you have a good day, Sinbad.

EDI

Edited: 01/07/2013 at 08:24
01/07/2013 at 08:44

Morning guys and well done on your run Sinbad.

Is it too much to hope that summer has finally arrived?  Sitting at my desk with the sun streaming through the window but still feeling grotty - glands up and a sore throat

01/07/2013 at 11:01

Morning.

trigger - it's a little overcast here but it was nice to sit out in the garden until late in the evening sunshine yesterday. A little bit of summer would be a tonic. Sorry to hear you're feeling grotty.

E.D.I - not sure we've said hello yet so 'hi'! You've written posts that make a lot of sense and it's been good to read. From my own perspective, the discussion about drinking being symptomatic of deeper problems is interesting. I'm a happy person with a good life and I work hard doing a job I adore. I have a good understanding of mental health and feel I know myself well. In spite of this I drink every day and know that I am an alcoholic. If this is symptomatic of something, I have no idea of what it might be. I'm not saying that I disagree that problem drinking is always caused by underlying issues and I'm sure it usually is. In my case it might help if I knew there was a reason so I could work on but it just doesn't feel like it.

sinbad - great news on the early morning run - that kind of commitment puts me to shame! I'm pleased that you find some comfort in having a space here to throw things down and get them out of your head. It's incredible that people who have posted here over the years accept, care about and give unconditional support to people they've often never met in person. I've always thought the booze thread is a special place and I'm glad it's proving positive for you.

I hope everyone else is good and not feeling too much like it's a Monday morning!

 

01/07/2013 at 14:44

Afternoon all

Sunny here so Mr C surprised me by making us a buttie each and we took them down the seafront for a mini lunch picnic, gone cloudy now but that hour was nice.

Apps, I too can relate to your post.  I'm happy most of the time, happy with family and work yet I also drink on almost a daily basis with no real reason why.

sinbad, good running at such an early time of the day

Hi EDI

Hope you feel better soon trigger, nothing worse than feeling grotty on a summer's day.

01/07/2013 at 17:00
apparition wrote (see)

 

E.D.I - not sure we've said hello yet so 'hi'! You've written posts that make a lot of sense and it's been good to read. From my own perspective, the discussion about drinking being symptomatic of deeper problems is interesting. I'm a happy person with a good life and I work hard doing a job I adore. I have a good understanding of mental health and feel I know myself well. In spite of this I drink every day and know that I am an alcoholic. If this is symptomatic of something, I have no idea of what it might be. I'm not saying that I disagree that problem drinking is always caused by underlying issues and I'm sure it usually is. In my case it might help if I knew there was a reason so I could work on but it just doesn't feel like it.

 

Hi Apparition,

Okay, my view point is one that I learnt from A.A. and it makes sense to me; for alcoholics the real problem isn't the drinking, the real problem is how we feel stone cold sober.  Disagree?  Then just don't drink and there should no longer be any problems.  I mean if we feel happy, if we're contented, if we're peaceful - there is no reason to drink.  However, if we're feeling restless, irritable and discontented - these feelings will grind us down - just like Japanese water torture, till we do drink.

I think if we're to disagree, we'll be disagreeing on what our concept of 'happiness' is.  To you having a great job/family/etc could mean happiness.  To me, having a modicum of inner peace - regardless of my exterior circumstances is happiness.

I'll make the point again, just to clarify; if we're feeling at ease and comfortable when we're sober, we'd have no reason to pick up that first drink.  But the problem is that when we're sober, we don't like the negative feelings we experience and those feelings make us drink.

Treat those negative feelings and we're not forced to drink.  These feelings are the root of all addictions; it's why some folk can give up the booze, but their addiction goes elsewhere; sex, drugs, spending money they shouldn't, gambling; the underlying problem is a lack of inner peace.

Now, how to enough achieve inner peace so that we can live sober without drink/drugs....

I found my solution in A.A., but I'm sure there's other ways too.

Hi to Cinders!

 

 

Edited: 01/07/2013 at 17:01
01/07/2013 at 18:09
Cinders wrote (see)  I'm happy most of the time, happy with family and work yet I also drink on almost a daily basis with no real reason why.

We had a very well dressed lady arrive at my A.A. homegroup recently.  She was a tiny little woman who was drinking two-bottles of wine a night.  She sounded posh, educated; she was very articulate; she looked affluent; yet she was really confused why she couldn't just stop drinking since her external world was very good.

She said to me after the meeting that one of her friends said to her, "If you're an alcoholic, that makes me one too!"

That made me smile.

Anyway, I digress; it is confusing why we drink the way we do; I remember trying to work it out, normally while drinking funilly enough, but it felt so complex it was like one of those mythical Gordion knots.  

I really didn't want to give up the drink either; I had the misconception that if I stopped drinking life would be one long bore - everything would be grey, dull, and lifeless.  Everything I enjoyed, I could only really enjoy it if alcohol was involved; and not just one-or-two drinks either - what would be the point in that?  I even spent a long time contemplating suicide.  Drinking was killing me, but the thought of life without drinking felt like it would be sheer drudgery; a kind of torture; so my plan was to get a sleeping bag, two bottles of whisky and a load of tablets and head out into the Black Mountains (I recced a fell race there this weekend btw) and finish it all.  The sleeping bag was to keep me warm; I didn't want to be cold while I died did I?

It's a funny ole journey, recovering from alcoholism - and it is a journey; mine's been a blast.  The old dit about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger; kids get that tattooed on their arms to look cool, but recovered alkies really understand what that means.

Sorry to bore on; just because I'm a recovered alkie, that doesn't mean I'm sane! 

 

01/07/2013 at 18:24

Lol - EDI

Cinders  and apps - looking at my life I too have everything.  Beautiful house, new cars, never need to check the bank balance, yet I picked up a drink after 5 years sobriety.  

I am currently seeing an addiction specialist, and you know what, very little is about the booze, and its way more about the feelings.  I 

01/07/2013 at 18:56
hope to... wrote (see)I am currently seeing an addiction specialist, and you know what, very little is about the booze, and its way more about the feelings.   

Hi Hope too,

An American doctor said that way back in 1935 (Dr Silkworth).  One of my interests is the history of the treatment of alcoholism and it's a very funny subject.  One of my favourate treatments was the electric shock treatment in the early 20th Century; when Freud and Pavlov's Dogs was all the rage.

What they'd do is get a bunch of alkies into a mental hospital (we now call 'em 'treatment centres'; a euphimism I think) and provide them with a bar and all the booze they could drink.  WOW!  The catch was they had to drink out of these glasses that had electric cables attached to them and every so often "ZAP"; they'd get a big electric shock.

It was quite amazing too; it had a one-hundred-percent success rate; all the alkies eventually refused to drink; serious!  Well, at least it worked until they past a bar which didn't have electric cables attached to them.

Then there was the Belladona treatment; drugs with hot 'n' cold showers.  It didn't work.

I think the sad fact is that the medical profession still really don't know what to do with us; Doctors are more concerned with cancer than alcoholism; most of us end up with 'shut me up tablets' and get referred to the local alcohol counselling services.

And even the Priory, which costs around £5000 per week (and by all accounts the food isn't very good) basically does A.A..

Can I be nosey and ask what the addiction specialist does?  

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