Most serious? Most funny?
A bloke I knew back in the day (He wasn't the brightest of chaps) had crabs. Some of the blokes at work told him to shave his nuts and rub paint stripper on it. He was off work for a while.
He might well be able to decribe something similar to dipping ones crown jewells in a vat of boiling oil
The sciatica was worse, even the tramadol wouldn't touch it. It felt like someone was ramming a red hot poker up my arse. The only relief was to curl up in a tight ball so as to stretch my spine and ease the pressure on the sciatic nerve as the pelvic region settled down. There was no rhyme or reason to it - suddenly I'd be literally screaming with the pain, and then after 30 mins or so it would go. It went on for 8 weeks until the physiotherapist managed to sort it. Oww.
The bike smash was my fault. I was going round a left hand bend, wheels just inside the double white lines, when some bloke came the other way, fast towards me. I was sure I was going to hit him and I grabbed the front brake. It caused a classic lowside (basically, the bike washes out under you) and I ended up in the road at 47mph. If anything had been following I'd have been run over. Anyway the driver of the other car was a consultant anaesthetist so he knew what to do. And the best thing he did was to stop this crowd of onlookers who appeared from nowhere from removing my helmet. Then the ambo came and they gave me morphine and things got a bit hazy. Four days in the Princess Royal hozzie in Telford, I was desperate to get home...
flippin heck Edski,
That must have hurt!
I remember when Mrs DV had her first c-section. I got up and walked over to see our new baby and I saw the opening where the baby had just from. It was HUGE! Seriously.. it was about the diameter of a dinner plate, all clamped opened while they cleaned her up inside... that scene from Aliens went through my mind.....
Please do not read if you are squeamish
I’ve told this tale of woe a couple of times on here but it bears a re-tell. It was 4 years ago and 6AM on a crisp autumn morning; mist was breaking in the steep sided river valley of Hollywell Dean and the first breath of winter was in the air. I was about 6 miles into a slow 9 miler accompanied by my dog Poppy a Japanese Akita/German Shepherd cross. I was running along a path at the top of a ‘V’ shaped river valley and about two miles from any road, the legs were working great and all was well with the World.
Poppy, who was young then was acting as pacemaker and her lazy lollop about 10 feet in front of me was a familiar sight to the early risers in my village. We were on a slight downhill stretch and I’d just started to pick up the pace. I’m not too sure what happened next but either a rabbit or a rat came darting out of the undergrowth and ran towards me Poppy saw it and flew after it straight into my path, I was too late to top and fell over the dog and down the steep sided valley towards the river below.
I’m sure it was Poppy licking my face who woke me, I was at the bottom of the valley next to the river, my face felt grazed and the branch of a tree was sticking into my chin, I tried to move and almost passed out with the pain – It wasn’t the branch of a tree that had punctured my skin, it was my right humorous which was broken and protruding through my shoulder for a good two inches. I was also bleeding very freely from the wound.
I had tumbled about 120 feet and was lying at a desperate angle and my only way out of there was back up the steep side of the valley and a walk along the path fro a mile or so – or I could lie there and hope someone was going to walk past.
I made my decision and god knows how I did it – but I managed to get to the top of the valley and use my T shirt as a compress to stem the flow of blood. I was shivering and dizzy from blood loss, shock and cold. I walked along the track for about a mile and a bit when I spied a woman walking her dog – she was on the other side of the river. I shouted over to her to help me, she was feeding a couple of swans bits of bread.
‘Hello” I shouted… “Have you got a mobile phone?”
“I’ve only got enough for the Swans” She replied looking at the bread
“No you daft bint… Have you got a mobile phone?”
I saw her expression change as she realised that this bare-chested blood soaked lunatic was about to wade the river towards her. She eventually phoned for an ambulance and another couple of early morning dog walkers came on the scene and led me to the road where an ambulance whisked me off to the local hospital
The result was a shoulder replacement and whilst I was under the knife they found I had a minor heart problem that is still un-going.
yuck yuck yuck yuck....
(1)i dislocated my shoulder canoeing and then proceeded to dislocate again and again and again...so now i am havin it operated on next week,
(2) i broke my left ribs in a motor cycle accident and put a hole in my left knee......
(3) i got hit y a car on that same bike a year later, opened the same hole in the same knee had head injury and BROKEN TAIL BONE..oooooowwwwwwwwww. (
4)i snapped my left thumb in 2 when playing basketball in 1st year... had to be pinned.
(5) I broke my left arm when i fell off a racing race horse
(6) broke my left metatarsels and left toe when stamped on by a horse
(7)tore ligaments in left ankle when i fell over in college.....shame
(8)dislocated left thumb...myself...when i pulled it too hard.
(9) AND my best accident yet: i took a young skitish horse out the road one day and we were passing a field of donkeys which scared the sh*t into him....he bolted. as he did he raised his head very high and the saddle began to slip. i had to decide to jump or risk being dragged. i jumped but my hat came off before i hit the ground. woke 15mins in a dreamy state which quickly became panic when i realised i didnt like this dream but couldn get out of it... i wass spitting mouthfulls of coagulating blood, i could only see field and road around me. i had no idea where i was or how id gottn there. felt my face. my teeth had gone through my lip, the bone on my nose was completly exposed and open, i had a golf ball..yes an actual sized golf ball swelling on my forehead, i had a fractured cheekbone and a gash on my hip requiring 6 stitches. the horse was gone and i eventually fpund my phone. i didn know who to ring first coz id no idea how id gottn there then i ran through a few options and finally the sent 8 ppl out to look for me and i was found. i spent the night getting x rays, cat scans, mri scans and spent 2 week in hosp. had to have plastic surg on lip...she made a good job and the nose....well lets say if ya ever meet me you'll see the nose!
this thread just gets worse...... I dread to think what someone is going to post next....
Life of rugby playing, running, going off cliffs. Finding inventive ways to do harm and increase my adrenaline levels, the result?
One broken nose and a slight limp for 2 minutes.......once!
Broken ankle + handful of assorted sprains.
Fell out of a tree onto my back - KO'd for a few minutes.
Went over the top of some swings in the playground, fell flat on my face - two black eyes. KO'd again. Got slapped from my mum cos I'd got my clothes muddy.
Broken tibia from playing hockey.
Tore knee cartilage ice-skating - impressivley large haemarthrosis.
Lacerated wrist vein rugby tackling a friend's escaping dog (landed on broken glass).
Slipped on black ice and bruised my coccyx.
Broke 5th metacarpal rock climbing, then did a 100m climb with it broken.
And some daft ones...
Burnt forehead falling on heated towel rail while putting knickers on in bathroom.
Grade II forearm burn by falling asleep in drunken stupor next to said heated towel rail.
Mr S fell over a squirrel that ran out in front of him on a tree-lined street; it got tangled around his feet apparently.
We've kept the NHS busy over the years That's what you pay your tax for
More squirrel related injuries....! LOL!
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