Accidents - What have you broken and how?

worst I've done is dislocated shoulder.....

several times, first time I saw the head of the humerous (sp?) where my pecs should be, that was at 15! 

Several years later and about 4 further dislocations I had it fixed by an orthopod, which has left an impressive scar on the front of my shoulder

Two freakin floors????????

I hope they didn't bill you for the "drying out" charge

Have managed to let a leaking washing machine go un noticed in my kitchen for approx 6 months though - didn't twig it until I noticed a wet patch in the lounge carpet - two rooms away!!

One of my breaks made it into an issue of RW and the local papper a few years back.

About 5 am one May morning I was pelting down a towpath between a river and canal on my bike, going way too fast but there was no other bugger about. A goose flew out of some reeds on the river side of the path and aimed himself straight at my head. I tried to duck (no pun intended) but it me full on in the face. I swerved and came off my bike,  smacked my head on a mooring stake and fell head first into the canal. Well I would have if my legs hadn't been hanging over the mooring chain. My head was under water, legs waving madly in the air. Fortunatley my legs followed the rest of me into the canal. I managed to get out and stagger to the nearest road, flag down a car who called my Mrs (my phone wouldn't work, it was wet). She wouldn't come and get me as it would mean waking all of the kids up so the car driver took me to hospital. 

Concusion and brocken wrist, fortunatley I had my helmet on or it might well have been curtains.

I can only presume that the goose had it's nest in the reeds.

Oh, and I broke my clavicle diving into a recently filled dew pond after a heavy summer shower on the Green outside a hotel I was working in.

Oh, how they mocked me

Superior pubic ramus and inferior pubic ramus both on left hand side.  They're part of the pelvis.  No it wasn't excessive bonking.  Motorcycle accident.

The pain from the fractures was bad enough but when they started to heal up I got sciatica trawled straight from hell.  It was so-o-o-o painful

A bloke I knew back in the day (He wasn't the brightest of chaps) had crabs. Some of the blokes at work told him to shave his nuts and rub paint stripper on it. He was off work for a while.

He might well be able to decribe something similar to dipping ones crown jewells in a vat of boiling oil

The sciatica was worse, even the tramadol wouldn't touch it.  It felt like someone was ramming a red hot poker up my arse.  The only relief was to curl up in a tight ball so as to stretch my spine and ease the pressure on the sciatic nerve as the pelvic region settled down.  There was no rhyme or reason to it - suddenly I'd be literally screaming with the pain, and then after 30 mins or so it would go.  It went on for 8 weeks until the physiotherapist managed to sort it.  Oww.

The bike smash was my fault. I was going round a left hand bend, wheels just inside the double white lines, when some bloke came the other way, fast towards me.  I was sure I was going to hit him and I grabbed the front brake.  It caused a classic lowside (basically, the bike washes out under you) and I ended up in the road at 47mph.  If anything had been following I'd have been run over.  Anyway the driver of the other car was a consultant anaesthetist so he knew what to do.  And the best thing he did was to stop this crowd of onlookers who appeared from nowhere from removing my helmet.  Then the ambo came and they gave me morphine and things got a bit hazy.  Four days in the Princess Royal hozzie in Telford, I was desperate to get home...

flippin heck Edski,

That must have hurt!

Wildlife is SO dangerous!!

I had to have 4 pints of blood after they accidentally ripped through a vein on my first c-section