Advice for a parent?

'pushy' or helpful: what to do if it goes wrong

21 to 28 of 28 messages
18/12/2006 at 09:34
It is a shame though isnt it ?? when they get to that stage, I was sunday lunching with 2 girlfiends yesterday and wanted my 13 year to come along, his words ??? "no thanks ILL look a right bell end !!!!! sat with 3 women" , charming !!! he went to his cousins and ate a chicken sandwich !!!

I must admit he does boast to his mates that I run marathons, but oh my god... woe betide if I dare turn up to meet him or watch him playing football if I am actually WEARING my running kit.
18/12/2006 at 11:57
I work at the same 16th form college my daughter goes to and I can never remember that she's changed her name by deed poll. So she has to deal with meeting me in the corridor and being called by a name nobody else knows while surrounded by friends! Not cool!
Duck Girl    pirate
18/12/2006 at 19:01
just being married to a teacher - or even being a teacher - is so pathetically far from the most embarrasing job a parent can do that you aren't even trying.
My Mum had the most embarrasing job possible.
Our school nurse.
Checking for nits was bad enough, but..
Can you imagine being 14 & having your mum standing at the front of the class explaining how to put condoms on bicycle pumps?
truly, there can be no worse fate!
18/12/2006 at 19:36
Ouch! Poor IDG!!

Jon, I don't think you should feel guilty but at the same time don't push her to do what she doesn't want to do - you'll only cause rows and unhappiness in the short term and in the long term you'll probably guarantee that she'll never run again.

Nothing worse than feeling like you're letting your parents down - make sure she knows you just want her to be happy and healthy. Is there something else she would like to do instead? Maybe she could do that while you're at meets with your other daughter? Just leave her to it, make sure she has something to do to occupy her when she has to come to meets with you, and if she misses it she can always put her trainers back on.
18/12/2006 at 20:46
Hello there

(this is Dr Nic under MM's log in)

I've not read the rest of the thread but obviously did read your initial post. I don't know how much this helps but:

I swam a lot as a child, in clubs and galas from about five (?) to about 11. I liked it a lot but then just remember really hating it and feeling very pressured and even got out 75m into a 100m race (!) I gave up completely, carried on doing sport but didn't swim at all until I went to University, where I started swimming again for fitness. I never did go back to galas though. In 2004 (at 27) I swam the Channel, something I'd always wanted to do all the time I was in the pool as a child. I did it without pressure from anyone (other than myself) and had fond memories of all the swimming I did as a child. I know willingly train hard in the pool upwards of five times a week and have various other swimming goals in mind (none of them galas!)

I don't know how that's meant to tell you but I suppose I just wanted to give you some hope that your little girl may well return to running as an adult once she has had some time out, and that these things sometimes suit us at different times in our lives. Certainly the foundations you have given her will be there for life for her to remember fondly and return to if she wishes.
18/12/2006 at 20:50
I wish this forum had an edit function - I meant "I don't know how that's meant to help you"
18/12/2006 at 22:29
Thanks again for the supportive messages! It wasn't an interest of mine that I led my daughters into, though. It was my oldest daughter's passion and something I took up, rather than standing and waiting for training to finish! A couple of years ago, both of my daughters, who started running through their school, could beat me easily. I encouraged them to join the club and took out a 'family membership' as the best value option... only then did my competitive running begin! I think the desire to do something different from her sister, coupled with finding she could not always beat her friends has been the problem for my youngest.
19/12/2006 at 07:42
Fell Runner - LOL

Jon Dwyer - our three are all well into their twenties now. The pattern was more or less the same though. Don't let it get you down; your daughter's outburst is most unlikely to be due to serious long term resentment at your "pushiness". But you can make something positive out of the situation by helping her to be proud of her decision to quit; it's probably the first time she has made a choice completely independently of her mum and dad. And you can show you continue to support her even if she's stopped doing something you personally really rated. She'll then know your love for her is not conditional on her pleasing you all the time.

Another aspect: helpers at these events are in short supply. You'll probably be doing everyone a favour if you carry on getting involved ...

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