Affairs

According to the 'jealous'thread, approx 50% of people have an affair

1 to 20 of 21 messages
OW
11/07/2012 at 08:24

So have you...

  • been the partner of someone having an affair
  • had an affair and are willing to admit it?
  • know people who are or have currently done this?
  • have no chance of ever having a relationship - please move to question 8.

That figure seems large to me but when I start looking around me...hmmm. Even the vicars wife here, had one.I know a 'pillar of the community' who regularly tells everyone how lovely her husband is and how lucky she is... yet seems to need the attention of other men to bolster her? My workplace is a spiders web of relationships often overlapping. (Why? just why in the workplace?)

OW
11/07/2012 at 08:33

I am a very Happily Married Man

My wife says I have to be

11/07/2012 at 08:37

I've been the partner of someone having an affair.

11/07/2012 at 08:51

I was unknowingly a partner to someone having an affair a long long time ago.

I was always faithful to my husband, but now that we are separated but not yet divorced would any realationship I had been seen as an affair?  I don't feel that it is, but technically we are still married.

Lee the Pea    pirate
11/07/2012 at 09:11

I wouldn't have said so Caz, since you're separated.

I've been with a guy who had a girlfriend once.  I found out after we'd been together, but then it did happen once more, which is just as bad.  I regret that, as I would never sleep with anyone else if I was in a relationship.  If I was wanting to, then to me that means the current relationship isn't working, so i'd end it.  Anyway, been single for so long I don't have to worry about such things at the moment!!!

gingerfurball    pirate
11/07/2012 at 10:00

I never have or will - me and MrGFB are together 24/7/365 so he'd have to be very inventive to have an affair!

(Friends of ours are going through this at the minute - apparently he cheated on her - he says only kissing, no sex and that it was more an emotional affair than physical...they've decided to make a go of their marriage - the weird thing is that they have lost a lot of friends from this...as if she did the weak thing by forgiving him...it's mental!!  She says she feels more betrayed by how their friends are treating them/him than by the affair itself!)

11/07/2012 at 11:09
  • been the partner of someone having an affair
  • had an affair and are willing to admit it?
  • know people who are or have currently done this?

Yes to all three.

In my first few relationships I was cheated on and in my head I rationalised it as 'normal' phase of the relationship. All of my friends cheated on each other - and I just classed it as being teenagers. It really messed with my idea of what a relationship should/could be so I couldnt understand why the guy I cheated on was so upset when he found out.

It took losing him and a fair few friends a long the way that I really truly understood what a relationship should be. I'm not defending my actions - I hurt someone because I was so blind or stupid to realise that I was doing was wrong.

I grew up and saw the destruction very first hand that cheaters do to relationships and saw it from the other side.... I think this was the biggest thing that impacted me. We've spoken about it in my current relatipnship and I've made it very clear - I can't handle a cheater and refuse to be with one if that should ever happen. I wish I could like GFB's friend.. but I cant' forgive.

A friend of mine is cheating on his wife.... purely because he hasnt' got any for the past 3 years. I hate to say it but for them - it's the best thing that ever happened to them. He's gone from being moody and constantly plaguing her for it to being loving and genuine.

11/07/2012 at 14:53
So if you aren't getting any it's ok to play away ?
11/07/2012 at 14:57
Cinders wrote (see)

I've been the partner of someone having an affair.

me too ...the ex Mr Saffy...I walked when I found out

11/07/2012 at 16:15

Dave - I'm not saying that. I'm just giving you my observation of their relationship and how it's changed before/after. I think that the wife knows but because it makes everything happier - they deal with it by ignoring it.

11/07/2012 at 16:19

I gave it another 4 years Saffy but he did it again so then I walked!

Edited...too many *thens*

Edited: 11/07/2012 at 16:21
11/07/2012 at 16:48
I was joking. The. Witch Queen shagged her way up the greasy pole at work.
11/07/2012 at 16:50
Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
So if you aren't getting any it's ok to play away ?

Isn't that the stereo-typical reason?  That once the wedding ring is on the finger, sex stops?

Or is that just what blokes say to get the 'other woman' to feel sorry for them?

11/07/2012 at 16:52

@Wilkie - no idea. I know from both sides that they werent getting any. The guy tried everything but she wasnt having any of it...

@Dave - I know a lot of women like that.

11/07/2012 at 16:54
S'ok. She's the ex mrs spartan
OW
11/07/2012 at 19:27

Nice honesty emmy_bug

 

SuperCaz wrote (see)

I was always faithful to my husband, but now that we are separated but not yet divorced would any realationship I had been seen as an affair?  I don't feel that it is, but technically we are still married.

I don't think if a relationship is over that it is an affair as such however the divorce courts see it differently. It depends on your conscience. Mine would be clear.

gingerfurball wrote (see)

(Friends of ours are going through this at the minute - apparently he cheated on her - he says only kissing, no sex and that it was more an emotional affair than physical...they've decided to make a go of their marriage - the weird thing is that they have lost a lot of friends from this...as if she did the weak thing by forgiving him...it's mental!!  She says she feels more betrayed by how their friends are treating them/him than by the affair itself!)


Emotional vs physical - why is physical deemed to be worse when tbh it can be just one quick mistake?

I really hope I'd never shun a friend but I would also find it hard to lie and minimise the betrayal. Not my business however.

Really impressed with the rest of the forum. A moral upstanding lot.

 

OW
11/07/2012 at 19:41

Oh dear... i'm no longer moral and upstanding?  

SuperCaz - for me - if both parties have agreed it's over then it's not an affair.

OW
11/07/2012 at 20:08

emmy - makes you 'interesting'

tbh you learnt from it so it's fine. I would never forgive. If I'm honest I'd regard it as a weakness to do so. I'd end it there and then. Zero tolerance and I'm worth more ?

OW
11/07/2012 at 20:16

I don't see the point in hiding it. It's made me who I am today and I hope it makes people more open to discussing it and it's causes. For all of the people that i've known who have cheated it's been because they were scared. Scared of having a conversation which could leave them alone or they wanted to feel something... feel the excitement of being wanted again.

I wouldn't forgive but for me it's different reasons - i'd never be able to trust them again. Never be able to get the thought that there was a time when I just wasn't "enough" for them.

11/07/2012 at 21:49

Been the partner of somebody having an affair - yes, the former Mr TP and I it was a mutual decision to call it a day although I'd have got shot of him even if he'd wanted to stay.  I suspect it wasn't the first.  He married her, she had an affair & left him.

I've also been the 'other woman' in an affair, for about 6 years.  It's not something I am either ashamed of or proud of.  It was circumstances for both of us at the time.  His wife knew but opted to ignore it and keep the lifestyle.  It was years ago and I wouldn't put myself in that situation again, nobody really wins.

Don't think I know anyone having an affair at the moment but over the years there have been loads.  Some have forgiven and stay, some have split up and some have had their suspicions but never known for sure and it's been over before they found out one way or the other. 

1 to 20 of 21 messages
Previously bookmarked threads are now visible in "Followed Threads". You can also manage notifications on these threads from the "Forum Settings" section of your profile settings page to prevent being sent an email when a reply is made.
Forum Jump  

RW Forums