Bombing Iraq?

Topical post!!!

21 to 33 of 33 messages
13/12/2002 at 14:14
yeah - I wouldn't want to get called back for that kind of crap !!!
13/12/2002 at 14:18
DB great idea about the Aussies...unfortunately its TOO LATE we already lost the Ashes. Damn should have thought of that 1 month ago.
13/12/2002 at 14:19
Yeah but we could still save the one day series.
13/12/2002 at 14:21
Lets just drop the big one on them

Cherrie Blair
13/12/2002 at 14:27
Of course we should bomb - the weapons sites that is, not the people. Surprised we haven't already - the UN stuff is just a smokescreen and a diversion. I'm surprised that the CIA or Mossad haven't 'taken out' SH. The human rights abuses are truly awful. I'm sure it's true. Mrs knew an Iraqi when she was a student, and the Iraqi overstayed the permission to be out of Iraq - the Iraqi (I won't even indicate gender) was absolutely terrified of going back as there would be a punishment for overstaying. We never heard from the Iraqi again. We once sent a letter - no reply - it dawned on me after that the Iraqi might have had reprisals simply for having a Western contact. It's a wicked regime. I agree with Tony Blair - no quarrel with the Iraqi people, rather it's the brutes at the top. I wonder whether when SH eventually dies will he meet up with Stalin and all the other great despots the world has seen. They'll have plenty to talk about. May they burn in hell for evermore.
13/12/2002 at 14:29
This is cheerful on a friday afternoon. Well done Jon.
13/12/2002 at 14:40
I hear the Baghdad Marathon has plenty of places left this year?
13/12/2002 at 14:41
BOOM BOOM!! (literally!)
13/12/2002 at 15:29
I think Bush and Hussain should get together for a punch-up and sort it out like two boys in the playground. Blair can go along too, to wipe Bush's forehead when he gets sweaty (yuk). Then the rest of the world can get on with trying to get on with their lives in peace. Any other 'world leaders' (yeah right!) can take turns in the punch-up if they feel the need. After all, they make the arguments, we don't. We're too busy trying to earn enough to feed the kids and keep the roof over our heads. And go for a run, of course.
13/12/2002 at 15:32
kinda celebrity death match then?

I figure good ole dubya is going to bomb them whatever, so me having an opinion is somewhat irrelevant.
13/12/2002 at 15:32

Well, here's some news hot off the press:


Information that has come into the hands of the Brains Trust, after a high-level lunching engagement in Thames Ditton, shows that the Iraqis have already embarked on investing in these "weapons of mass distraction." They have recently purchased at least 3000 inflatable tanks from the UK, a large number of "quite realistic, AK-47 style" potato guns from Belgium and a great quantity of "exceptionally loud" fireworks from China.

"The West will take one look at this lot drifting over the horizon and they will be out of here quicker than you can say 'tactically planned withdrawal'," claimed Mustapha Al-Ayyam, Commander-in-Chief of the 3rd Inflatable Sex Doll Garrison, as he frantically prepared for an inspection of his troops with the aid of a foot pump and a Dunlop bicycle tyre repair kit. However, Commander Al-Ayyam does admit that there are reports of teething troubles in some Iraqi divisions. "There was a mix up with the gases and we ended up filling our Chieftain tanks with helium and our F-14 fighters with carbon dioxide. The sight of an entire battalion of tanks launching into the air was certainly impressive, but lacked the gritty realism we were after."

The Iraqis are also employing other new methods to frustrate any attempts to force "regime change". It is believed that all Iraqi soldiers are being trained in "Distractics: the art of distracting your enemy with hand signals and cunning ruses."

"When confronted by a US soldier who is better armed, better trained and better fed it is essential that our soldier maintains the advantage," claims an Iraqi training manual. The Distractics include teaching Iraqi soldiers English phrases such as "Ooh! Look! Behind you, you big fat tosser", "You've got a smudge on your nose, Bud" or "Quick! I just saw Bin Laden on a bicycle going round that corner, innit!" When the invading force is distracted the Iraqi is then taught to invoke the "tactics of evasion" such as "pretending to be a lamppost, hiding in the nearest bush or giving the oppressor a Chinese burn and legging it, pronto."

Most chillingly, it is also believed that the Iraqis are intending to take these new techniques into the heart of the west. An Al-Qaeda training camp has reportedly been training its conscripts in the "tactics of mass disruption". Operatives are already thought to be working in the heart of many cities. In central London a terrorist army of "white van drivers" use suicide driving techniques and "collateral damage double-parking" to ensure that the capital is unable to function normally. Squads of suicide queue jumpers are prepared to risk death at the hands of angry shoppers by pushing to the front of a queue and then insisting on paying for low value items with a cheque whilst not being in possession of any form of ID. A Government memo provides the last word on the near certain destruction of society that will result. "The potential for massive numbers of dead and injured as irate shoppers collapse with frustration or turn on one another in hand-to-hand umbrella fighting is immense. And if they ever succeed in their efforts to drop massive numbers of traffic cones on our roads, then God help us all!"

Courtesy of The Brains Trust

13/12/2002 at 15:36
brilliant Santa. You've made me laugh. thank you - it's been a sh*tty day so far!
Ratbag    pirate
13/12/2002 at 15:43
Nice one Mr. A!!!

We'd love you to add a comment! Please login or take half a minute to register as a free member
21 to 33 of 33 messages
Previously bookmarked threads are now visible in "Followed Threads". You can also manage notifications on these threads from the "Forum Settings" section of your profile settings page to prevent being sent an email when a reply is made.
Forum Jump