Christmas Jokes

2 messages
13/12/2002 at 14:01
CHRISTMAS EVE IN HEAVEN

It's Christmas Eve in London. Three blokes are coming back from a wild party when they're hit by a car and ascend to heaven where they are met by St Peter.

"I'd like to let you in,"St Peter says to them, "But since you were all sinners who died unrepentant, I can't."

The men look horrified. St. Peter stops and thinks for a minute. It's Christmas Eve, after all. "Tell you what" He says "I'll let you in, but ONLY, in honour of the season,if you can show me that you each possess something that symbolises Christmas."

The first man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out two lighters.He holds them up proudly and flicks them on.

"What do they symbolise?" St Peter asks.

"Er....they're candles!" the man says.

"Ah, you may pass through the pearly gates!"

The second man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out a couple of sets of keys. He holds them up proudly and shakes them.

"What do they symbolise?" St Peter asks.

"They're bells!"

"Ah, you may pass through the pearly gates!"

The third man fumbles through his pockets. Finally, he pulls out a skimpy pair of silky, crotchless woman's panties. He holds them up proudly.

"And what do they symbolise?" St Peter asks.

"They're Carol's..."

13/12/2002 at 14:07
A rather attractive young woman is all on her own on Xmas eve. She's feeling really randy, but when she calls up all her men friends to ask them over for sex, they're all out at the pub.

Finally she hits on an idea. She waits around until midnight when Father Christmas comes down the chimney. She says:

"Father Christmas, will you have sex with me?"

to which he replies "Ho ho ho, it is Xmas eve and I have a long way to go".

She starts kissing him, and asks him again, "Father Christmas, will you have sex with me?", to which he again replies "Ho ho ho, it is Xmas eve and I have a long way to go".

Starting to get desperate, she takes her top off, and her bra, and asks him again, "Father Christmas, will you have sex with me?", to which he again replies "Ho ho ho, it is Xmas eve and I have a long way to go".

Feeling totally desperate by this time, she strips off completely, adn asks him again, "Father Christmas, will you have sex with me?", to which he replies "I'll have to now, or I'll never get back up the f***ing chimney!"

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