Crap at relationships

ive got a random sore calf needs attention and I'm single

my gym costs plenty (I pay extra for accesss to all branches, which can work out useful as i travel about) and not going at all at the moment - i reckon not long now - was looking at the lawn today and forcing myself not to go out and mow it - seems that discomfort down a couple of notches again - but still dozing off quite easily so I know I need to keep resting. Getting my olympic volunteer kit tomorrow, then off to hospital for a check up. May even work next week. I ain't getting paid to watch DVDs and stroke cats (wouldnt that be nice?).

I hope the volunteer kit is nicer than the uniform the Torch Bearers have been issued with, I can't see that being flattering on anyone and it looked a bit flamable to me   The kit the police runners had on was nice though.

I get paid to stroke cats and pat puppies, we should swap jobs! 

Been a bit warm here today and whilst it's good for the laundry situation, it's not that much fun to work in.  Early night for me I think as I am

Afternoon.

Sorry I've not read back.  A quick summary of anything I've missed would be good.

Well, we're back -- obviously!!  Holiday on the whole was fab and only dampened by the fact that my mum is very poorly indeed and I can't see her making it much past Christmas if she carries on like this.  She was admitted into hospital when we left, to be reassessed, having her treatment plan reviewed and to see if there is anything else that possibly can be done, but judging by conversations I've had with dad I doubt that there is.  According to him she's had a scan (CT or MRI...) which shows her lungs having effectively what looks like a huge black hole in the centre of the lobe with some small amount of half decent tissue on the peripheral.  Her lung capacity is now down to a quarter and she isn't doing any of the things doctors told her to do to keep the remaining 25% functioning as good as can be for as long as can be.   She's not going for walks to get fresh air, she's not made the diatary changes she was told to do (dairy is bad for her lungs as things like ice cream, milk, chocolate etc increase the mucus build up)...  so -- not sure how this will all pan out.

But on a positive note, it was lovely to have G and the dog with me and that we had our own place.  That ensured that we at least got some time that was resembling a holiday.  We were in a beautiful area with lots of woodlands, on a cottage that was effectively on farm land.  The owners lived next door and had 3 dogs (leonbergers) of which one was a 10 week old pup, which was gorgeous.  The people were lovely, food was great, so clean everywhere, cost & standard of living so much better than here... sigh.

Back to reality with a bang... hundreds of emails at work.  Apparently my only remaining colleague had a hissie fit with someone and stormed out and has been on leave since...

Aw Nam, so sorry to hear your Mum is really poorly   Do you think she's likely to try to make some changes re dairy etc.?  It is really hard watching people get worse, knowing it is just a waiting game to see what happens.  Glad you got to spend some time with her, but also on your own with G.  Hug to you xxx

Cheers hunni.

My parents are the way they are...  Mum will only do things which are easy... for example she will sit with oxygen up her nose and watch TV... but she won't do anything which requires motivation or effort. And I've come to the point where I've come to realise that after being on their case regarding the way they live for the best part of the last 30 years, there is pretty much naff all I can do. They are grown up and make their choices, just like they chose to chain smoke for near 50 years...  I think emotionally I have cut myself off from all this a bit for my own sake.  I really needed a proper holiday and we had already changed our plans from a gite holiday in the Bourgogne to be able to see them and I wasn't going to let this spoil our whole time off. 

Coming back was a real shocker...  One trip to my local post office and supermarket and I was ready to emigrate.  The area where we were on holiday wwas by no means rich and most people were of 'moderate' means but still people managed to get dressed before going to the shops, there were no 10 year olds yelling "you f*cking c*nt" to their mates down the road... and this morning I took the dog for a walk before work and at the bottom of the road 3 cars had had their windows smashed in... 

I think I'll be getting back to keeping an eye on the "Right Move" website...

B the Leonberger pup was a bundle of fluff and so adorable.  Huuuge paws to grow into give an indication of size and she's only a girl.  When I picked her up I thought she must be about 15kg already at 10 weeks.  LOL

Evening

Sorry to hear your mum isn't well Nam. Glad you had a nice time away though, and you've come back to lovely weather too. I googled the pups and they are gorgeous - how did Kara react to them?

Lee, i think if your friend is getting a free leg massage they'll accept whatever standard is given , and anyway, i'm sure the standard is excellent.

Gorgeous day here too. Going for a little walk shortly. Will run when it cools down too. Hows everyone else?

I loved all your holiday photos Nam, it looks like a beautiful part of the world.  I'm sorry to hear about your mum but, as you say, they are adults and they have made their choices regarding lifestyle.  Hard to stand and watch it happen though.

Busy day at work and then Pilates.  It's been a gorgeous day up here too but only got half an hour at lunchtime to enjoy a bit of it.  Nice to sit outside for a while though

We have a few Leonburger clients and they're giant cuddly bears of dogs.  They can get to 90kg though so it's not a lapdog!  I had a colleague in a previous job who had rescue Leons, one topped 100kg and ended up breaking the suspension in the back of her car leaping in and out.  I met one a few years ago which they were training as a guide dog.

Morning all...

Working from home today deciphering 70 page commissioning strategy... 

Shame the weather has gone a bit crap again, was hoping to do this in the garden...

Caz, thank you for the loan of the baking book.  I brought some different flour back from Germany, so keen to try some things.

*waves hello to everyone*

You need to come to Scotland Nam, it is scorchio here! I'm stuck in the office though, damn!  I'll be having a squizz at your holiday pics when I get home

So my first practice massage seemed to go well!  My pal was pretty happy with it and said i have a nice touch   Practising on my flatmate tonight; she's really fussy, so I'll soon know if she doesn't like it, lol.

 Lee just shout if you want to go on tour and I'll ask for you kid.

((((((((((((((Nam))))))))))))))) You meet my mumthe other month and situation is very simular. All about having fun and quality of life and all that.

Thanks Cake!   I'm quiet keen to get into event massage and what not when i'm qualified, even if on a voluntary basis. Be good to get lots of experience   Sorry to hear your Mum is still poorly too Hugs to you xxx

 Lea I'll get on farsebook this weekend and ask whats up north this year and if they want anyone at the moment. exsept a message or something sunday night. Can you remind me what sort you are doing? Afraid mum situation can only go one way but she's happy enough.

So sorry about mum nam. Mother in law (still in touch) refuses to stop the fags. Docs have told her she has emphysema(sp?). I went to get olympic volunteer uniform yesterday - was fine, but tired me out - was my first trip out. Was thinking of nipping into work afterwards to check post take some paperwork home. No chance - the wounds may be healing but clearly still plenty of recovery to do.

Went to hospital to check blood pressure - was right down - have been told to halve my dosage of pills, keep testing at home and chuck the pills away if below a certain level. The operation did what they said it would (funny that). Happy days! Too young for taking pills.

Hi guys. I've not been around much this week.  Too many people to visit and too much to do.

Hope you find some nice things in the book Nam.  I like the carrot and beetroot breads because they look so interesting.

Things are going well this week.  We have both opened individual bank accounts and are in the process of transfering all the direct debits so that things will be quicker when we make the financial break.  Also got an appointment booked with someone to help us sort out the more complicated aspects of the finances.

Friends have been wonderful this week.  So many of them all helping in tiny (and not so tiny) ways which really make a big difference.

I found some old formal photos when I was clearing out.  Some go back nearly 20 years.  I really let myself go at one stage and I hardly recognise that person now.  Then I started taking more care of myself and the photos improve.  In hindsight I think the photos reflect my self confidence and self esteem at different stages in my life.  It was quite informative and interesting and has made me look at things differently.  Also made me wonder where I am going to go next...