Crap at relationships

How do i get things sorted

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27/09/2010 at 17:36
Tickled Pink wrote (see)

Men in their 40s and early 50s generally want to meet women in their 30s.  Must be the kudos of having a yonger girlfriend.  Not sure what that leaves for those of us in our mid 40s ...  


Hmmm.... As far as I'm concerned, those men must be mad.

I'm in my early-ish 50s. I have  bunch of female friends in their early 30s, several of whom are lovely and going through that clock-ticking "will I ever meet anyone" panic stage.  The last thing I'd want is a LTR with someone like that -- I don't just mean the "can we have children" issue but basically such a big age gap makes things harder... less of a common understanding of the world. Not saying it can't work, because sometimes it does, but it's not easy.  A bit like marrying someone from another culture - it can work but I wouldn't be looking there. I mean... the music they like...  

You wonder what would drive a man to pursue that. Never grown up? Desire to back to their youth? Trying to fan their waning sexual flames?   

27/09/2010 at 17:37
Badly Drawn Bloke wrote (see)

Lol Parklife - if we're moving straight onto "pay the friggin' invoice or else" I had best give it a miss

You cun't talk to me like that!

Edited: 27/09/2010 at 17:38
27/09/2010 at 17:50

Did you mean to type like can't like that Parklife?

Sorry, I was just combining the thought of dirty talk with reasonable rates and rolling it up into a final demand.

I'll get me coat ......

27/09/2010 at 18:31

I'm surprised no-one picked up the double meaning in the original post. At first I thought Slowfoot was dating a junior doctor who was complaining about a lack of sex 

Firstly, BIG hugs to anyone who needs one, especially Min. I've been depressed and know it can be an isolating experience - even in company.

I'm 32 and have been happily single since March this year. Prior to that I'd spent most of my adult life in desructive relationships - as a result, I wasn't really sure who I was and what I wanted anymore. I've tried dating a couple of times since, but neither worked out. The first was a guy from worked I'd fancied for ages - we went on one date, but he didn't want to get involved because he's emigrating at the start of next year. The second was a friend of friends, who seemed really sweet - but I just didn't feel it . (Turns out my gut feeling was right - the weasel later hit on my best friend, who has a boyfriend. More insultingly, he claims to have fallen for her the day they met - after which he STILL tried to pursue a relationship with me).

Anyway, recently I decided that I was open to meeting someone else and that the thought of another relationship didn't fill me with horror. My problem though (well, I wouldn't call it a problem, just the way I am) is that I'm extremely fussy. By that I don't mean they have to be a certain type or anything - just that I have to feel the attraction instantly, and even when I do they have to be able to hold my attention without pissing me off too severely in the process. As much as I quite like the idea of meeting someone, I do like being single and have spent far too many years miserable as a result of not feeling entirely comfortable or happy in a relationship. I'm not saying I have a romantic ideal or anything, just that if I do it again it has to feel right. I don't want mind games, or that sense that I/they want something other than what we are. I don't see the point of giving it a go if there's no real chemistry.

As it stands, someone is holding my attention at the moment. Still VERY early days yet and I'm keeping an open mind, but time will tell.

27/09/2010 at 18:40
"hold my attention" -- yes, that's an interesting thing !
Nam
27/09/2010 at 18:43
MikeFrog Justgiving.com/MikeforCrisis wrote (see)
Nam wrote (see)

Likewise my my other bessie male mate has been single for coming up to 8 years now and he'd make someone a perfect boyfriend.  He's loyal, friendly, a great listener (counsellor!), has a really fab moral code and would never cheat on anyone...  again women just don't seem to be interested...


As you know him well, can you see why?  Is he "too nice"?


*nods*

He's not the most confident guy in the world and can be very shy.  He's been told a few times by women he liked that they liked him very much as a friend and felt for him "like a brother"... mmm...

But I'm thinking, okay so he's not overtly sexual, a bit shy and an awkward flirt but surely someone must be out there to find him attractive just as he is, without him feeling he should have to change. 

27/09/2010 at 18:57
Hmmm - I think I might fall foul of that a bit, it just doesn't come naturally to me to do anything other than get to know people as friends first, and I think they often tend to rather than pigeonhole me as that
27/09/2010 at 19:02

A friend of mine has just moved in with his partner Nam, he went 41 years without a serious girlfriend, in fact any girlfriend as far as I know.    So there is hope.  

The only thing with him was even if a woman showed an interest in him he was so lacking confidence that he'd not reciprocate at all and she'd think oh he's not interested.   

I suppose mid 30s even up to early 40s can throw up the question of kids as some people will be desperate for kids and others wont.   I know one relationship that split up recently as he was desperate to have kids and maybe unsurprisingly in her early 40s with a 20 year old daughter she wasn't keen on trying.  

27/09/2010 at 19:19

Funny you should mention the musical taste thing MF.  My first relationship after divorcing Mr Pink was with somebody 16 years older and music was one of the things we could never agree on.  He was stuck in a 60s timewarp   He always said I'd leave him for somebody my own age ... I did!  Not just due to his  musical taste but he didn't fit with my friends and I basically didn't fit with his.  I'm the same age now as he was then and I can see how a 27 year old just would have little in common with us. 

27/09/2010 at 19:23

Bear - I can't speak for all women obviously, but personally if I fancy someone immediately then it won't matter if we start out as friends. My last serious relationship was with a guy I was friends with for 5 years before we got together.

Also, the guy from work that I liked was someone you might think was in the 'friend zone' at the start of this year - but the timing just wasn't right, and as soon as we were both single I realised just how much I fancied him and asked him out. We didn't end up romantically involved in the end, but the point is that the feelings were there!

As for the kids thing, I only want them if it's with the right person. There's no way I'd settle for second best in a relationship just so that I could have kids.

27/09/2010 at 19:34

Madame O

No double meaning in my original post I really have struggled with relationships as I do concentrate as on work and I'm missing that spark that I would like

This may sound strange but I miss doing nothing with someone

27/09/2010 at 19:40

Badly Drawn Bloke wrote (see)

Did you mean to type like can't like that Parklife?


Obviously.

27/09/2010 at 19:42
slowfoot wrote (see)

in fact a junior doctor told me I spend more time in work than her.


I did spot that straight away Madame O but didn't comment.
27/09/2010 at 19:44

I was just messing Slowfoot - I have a warped sense of humor 

It doesn't sound strange at all. But when you do meet the right person you'll probably find that the work issue isn't such a problem after all, whether it's because they make you want to spend less time working, or because they are in a similar situation to you and can understand. Have you tried a dating website? Last year I went to the wedding of two friends who met on the internet.

27/09/2010 at 19:45
Parklife wrote (see)
slowfoot wrote (see)

in fact a junior doctor told me I spend more time in work than her.


I did spot that straight away Madame O but didn't comment.

Parklife, you're my kinda gal
27/09/2010 at 20:27
Parklife wrote (see)

Badly Drawn Bloke wrote (see)

Did you mean to type like can't like that Parklife?


Obviously.

27/09/2010 at 20:37
Nice to hear that Madame O but I suspect you're unuusal in that respect.
27/09/2010 at 22:27

It's a minefield, innit.

I have known people who, I sincerely believe, simply couldn't function without being "in a relationship".

One bloke I went to school with had been engaged 3 times before he was 22.

Plum    pirate
27/09/2010 at 22:44

I love you JB

27/09/2010 at 22:49

All these lovely laydeez looking for a mate.

<buffs bald patch, preens>

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