Crap at relationships

How do i get things sorted

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25/09/2010 at 19:34

I will admit I'm  terrible at relationships as I spend lots of time at work in fact a junior doctor told me I spend more time in work than her.

Spent a large part of my life alone and when i have had partners normally they have given up first as i think I'm afraid of committement which may have been true  in the past but now I'm looking to establish something serious but not quite sure how to?

25/09/2010 at 20:20
Fancy a hug? 
25/09/2010 at 20:22

(((((slowfoot)))))

25/09/2010 at 20:25

Stop spending lots of time at work?

Find a woman and spend a few minutes every day figuring out how to make her happy.

Give it time dude, change your behaviours, who knows what might happen?

25/09/2010 at 20:34

Carry on with the running stuff, turn up to races, join a club, get to know women (I'm assuming you're a bloke, sorry if you're not) as friends, let it go slowly from there.

Oh god I sound like a Bridget Jones Smug Married.   Trouble is, it's like buses, the one with your number on it turns up just when you'd decided to give up and walk home.

25/09/2010 at 20:37

If you find the right woman for you, you might well find that you don't want to spend so much time at work. 

Also, if you spend less time at work, and more time  doing other stuff you enjoy, you have a better chance of meeting someone.

Edited: 25/09/2010 at 20:39
25/09/2010 at 20:39

too much time at work aint good. We are human "beings" not human doings.

seriously look at what fears you have re commitment. Just take time to be with people and just be honest about fears you have. The right one will understand and stand by you, I reckon

I have to work damned hard at monogomy tbh

Edited: 25/09/2010 at 20:45
25/09/2010 at 20:40

As a workaholic with  hobbies which take up a load of spare time I'm trying to solve this one as well slowfoot.  If you work out the answer please let me know

I think I probably come accross as very independent and therefore unwilling to compromise which possibly has some truth but I'm so used to multi-tasking that I am sure I could change things around to suit ... which probably sounds like a lack of commitment ...

25/09/2010 at 21:51

Find someone with similar interests and a similar outlook on life.

Find someone that you can be friends with. Love and lust are all very well but lasting relationships they do not make. You need to be friends for that.

I don't actually think that relationships are all they are cracked up to be. My partners a workaholic and spend much of his time away from home. I have cats, far more reliable.

25/09/2010 at 21:59

What came first, the work or being single?  Has one expended to fill the void of the other?

It's hard to break patterns especially ones we've created as part of our own survival mechanism.  But give yourself time off, cutting down on hours and do some of the things you want to do.  I've found I've met people when I least expected too.

As for commitment, is that because you're scared of being tied down and missing out on something or scared of being hurt?  Being with someone leaves you open to getting trashed, but it also opens doors to great delights.  Be brave and go for it.

25/09/2010 at 22:19

You have to already like your life before you find the person.

You can't give another person the burden of making you happy -- they'll run a mile. 

Find things you really enjoy doing, and do them.

You won't be afraid of commitment when you find the right person, but until then, just enjoy spending time with people, forget about commitment for now. Spend time with lots of people to develop your skills of reading someone's character, so you don't commit to a bad one.

25/09/2010 at 22:29

How old are you Slowfoot ? I guess comparatively young.

I say get everything you want to achieve sorted before you get burdened with a relationship. However much you think you want one now, feelings which I am sure are overpowering, it may well not turn out to be the deal you want or need especially if you try too hard and compromise too much. Sooner or later the right person will just appear in the normal course of your being.

Don't change to find someone, just be yourself and do things you like and enjoy. Don't compromise or give up being the person you are or want to be else your relationship may become a living prison. Take care, good luck, there are lots of dangers out there.

Edited: 25/09/2010 at 22:31
25/09/2010 at 22:30
bikermouse wrote (see)

Find someone that you can be friends with. Love and lust are all very well but lasting relationships they do not make. You need to be friends for that.

Hear, hear.
KKD
25/09/2010 at 22:35

Very interesting reading.  Hope you get what you're looking for Slowfoot.

(Is the other one really fast?? ) 

KKD
25/09/2010 at 22:37

'Friends first' is a good mantra. Then again so is ....

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Pie, and cake !

Pie and cake can solve lots of problems.

25/09/2010 at 23:15

I sympathise completely, Slowfoot. I'm the same   Not sure of your reasons, but I've got too many commitments re. caring for my Mum (who is disabled) and study/work to have time for proper relationships. I like the idea of things just happening in their own time, but still, sometimes it gets a bit tiresome.

*gets out violin*

26/09/2010 at 00:06
As long as you find time for the occasional improper relationship Sarah
26/09/2010 at 07:44

Some good advice, and the friends thing is good but you have to be careful not to cock it up.

And if all else fails, you could always resort to the "slap on the arse". You too Sarah!

26/09/2010 at 08:44
I'd echo what others have said about spending less time at work and more time doing stuff you enjoy. Ignore the relationship stuff at the moment and just get out and have a good time. Join a running club. Socialise. Meet people. Have fun.

The right woman may then just turn up but if she doesn't it's no big deal as you're enjoying your life anyway.
26/09/2010 at 09:32

(((slowfoot))), the world can seem to be full of couples when you're own your own.

I agree with what others have said - reduce your work hours, spend time doing the things you enjoy, get to know people (male and female) as friends. Hopefully, love will come along but, as Mr W says, at least you're having fun meanwhile.

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