Do we need them?

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LIVERBIRD    pirate
23/01/2011 at 08:13

CD - I automatically pass all "fixing" stuff on to Mr LB! They hero worship him for being able to "fix" stuff!

It's great that their dad tells them he loves them. My dad went through my entire childhood without saying it once. I was 22 when I married and it was the first time that I'd ever heard him say he was "very proud" of me. I used to bring him home report cards with grade A's across the board and they'd disappear into his cupboard. He'd say nothing to me.

I only found out years later that he'd take them to work to show off to his friends. Not ONCE did he show that he was pleased with me and all I was trying to do was get some affirmation from him.

Now he's very sick and he's mellowed like Nam's dad. He regularly says "I love you" and he's much more open with his feelings. It repaired all the years of him NOT saying it. He's a messed up, wounded, and slightly crazy individual but he's MY dad and I guess I won't be getting another.

Relationships are bloody complicated, aren't they?

And I love the sound of your OH. He is definitely a keeper!

23/01/2011 at 08:38

I think the role of parents is to advise and guide their kids - and that includes telling them when they're being a bit of an arse and advising them against/in favour of a course of action. That's part of being a dad to me.

It's particularly important when they are U18 - when they're older you may have to be more diplomatic about advice, bearing in mind they are now adults, but keeping mum about them doing something daft means you acquiesce or condone what they may be doing and that's not good parenting in my view. Other views are available, although they'e wrong, obviousy.

LIVERBIRD    pirate
23/01/2011 at 08:46

I'll let you know when I'm dealing with my 18 year olds JB!

I remember the mantra "You'll do as you're told until you're 18" being drummed into me as a kid.

I turned 18 and the mantra simply changed to "as long as you're under my roof"

I left pretty soon afterwards and the feeling of freedom, even now twenty years later when I point out to my mum that I'm 38 and I'll do what I bloody well like is GREAT!

23/01/2011 at 09:02
Hmm I have been known to use the "My roof, my rules" line to Blaze 1 occasionally...

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