Friendships

ive kinda lost contact with many friends over the past few years, grew into different people i guess since school/college and the ones i knew from the marines are still serving, very little time to see/talk to each other. I have 1 friend though who is very close to me, couldnt go a day without talking with her.

Inocent and MM2 both refer to splitting from their partners'.

Though I have not gone through that difficult experience I have been told that friends can desert you at such times.

Either they are afraid that it can precipitate an awful solution to their own relationship problems or a footloose fancy free male and female in the circle might be somewhat of a temptation for somebody to stray! 

Generally I think that probably the versatility of entertaining ourselves on computers, T.V. and with music at home nowadays may dampen the urge for social interaction. Certainly teachers' and others' say this is making youngsters sit at home and not go out to play.

I think that for those who say that they have not kept in touch with friends from the past, remember that it works the other way too and they have let time pass also. In many cases they may be very pleased to see you again so why not get in touch with them? 

Martenkay wrote (see)

Inocent and MM2 both refer to splitting from their partners'.

Though I have not gone through that difficult experience I have been told that friends can desert you at such times.

Either they are afraid that it can precipitate an awful solution to their own relationship problems or a footloose fancy free male and female in the circle might be somewhat of a temptation for somebody to stray! 

 

I

That is an awful attitude to have towards their friends! If any of my friends felt unable to even keep in contact with me (perhaps not support me) during such a time I would be glad to see the back of them.

If someone is so insecure in their relationship that they think it will crumble because a friend has split from their partner then there isn't much that can be done to save it really. I don't have any friends that I have such a low opinion of that I wouldn't trust them to be around my boyfriend if they were single, and more importantly, I don't have such a terrible low opinion of my boyfriend to think he'll go sneaking off with one of them the minute they are unattached.

MM - yes the faffers I know are always worth the wait

I have 142 friends .... I know because Facebook tells me so !

xine267 I agree your sentiments wholeheartedly. It is a poor reflection on one's choice of friends!

On the one hand if the relationship is so tenuous and the partners/spouses have not seen it proper to improve the situation one would think it a bit much to think a friends break-up could adversely  affect the relationship.

Also there are single men and women about all the time if somebody is going to stray why wait for a marriage break-up? If it is to be some kind of secret you would think to avoid  your circle of friends.

Mandy Martin2 you have entirely misunderstood........

we were talking about friendships at one of my talking therapy groups recently.

I think there are varying levels of friendships. There will be casual friends, people you get on with becuase you have a shared hobby/interest, close long term friends who are there through thick and thin and will tell you what you need to be told etc, social friends, family friends etc. 

Trick is to who which category friends fall into and know what to expect from them

So true Loon!

As said earlier, if done well, friends can be the family you choose for yourself.

I think Martenkay is right - when you get divorced and you are a single woman, you are no longer invited to events because spouses think you are going to run off with their husbands.  It's quite funny really.....silly sods.  They have such low opinions of themselves.  Either that, or they know their husbands too well!

mandy martin 2 wrote (see)

Martenkay - what an absurd thing to say, it actual fact I'm quite offended! My friends knew me before my ex and loved me for me, and they are still there for me as I would be for them. Perhaps it is you that has watched too much tv or that scuzzy Jeremy Kyle show?
Xine 267 - totally agree with you 101%

I think MK is right - people do sometimes 'drop' a newly-single friend. 

Whether it's insecurity that a single might 'steal' themselves a new partner, or just that an odd number at dinner is less comfortable, but it does happen.

Inocent- I don't think your friends deserve you.

My old friendships died off and I haven't replaced them with new ones. I think if I didn't have my wife and daughter, I would be very lonely right now.  However, I don't want any more weak friendships.  I want a friend who loves and cares for me- and me for them.  If I can't have that, I'd rather just leave it be.

That's terrible Inocent-  that your friend would abuse your trust when you were at your lowest.  Surely that's a time when you most need support, not problems.  I wouldn't be friends either, but I'll always forgive and forget- for my sake, not theirs.

I love to socialise with my friends and we also play sport alot with regards to football and go to the same university (different courses) so the student union is a familiar stomping ground. however when it comes to real strenuous exercise eg running and weight baring work I have realised you can only count on yourself to be committed and i hve frequently been let down by my closest friends on that particular area but not in any other area!

What about pleasant surprises from friends that were totally unexpected?

Something that restored your faith in human nature?

I've still got friends from school but numbers are dwindling!As most of my mates are lads, whenever they get a girlfriend I never see them again!

I've got a few girl best mates, one of which I haven't spoken to in a few months over something very petty but wound me up. Normally I'd just put up with stuff for a quiet life, but I didn't that time.

I'd rather have a few great mates than loads of average ones.

I have 4 friends that I would do almost anything for.  They have been there for me when I have needed them and in return I look out for them.  Most of them I don't see very often because they all live far away, but we text somewhere between daily and once a week to just check on each other.

I have a huge number of friends who I am less close to but would be there for if they needed me.  These are a changing group depending on the circumstances of our lives at the time.  This group are also the ones who help keep me grounded and they have been superb in the last 6 months while I ahve been separating from my husband and relocating across the country.

Then there are the people that I do sport with.  They are good company and we have a good time socialising but the main reason we get together is because of our mutual sporting antics.  Some of them I know fairly well, but most of them I know little about other than their sporting ability.

As I am not close to my family I need my friends around me.