How do you stop a child stealing?

Ideas please.

21 to 32 of 32 messages
10/06/2011 at 11:47
Jeepers wrote (see)
Peter Collins wrote (see)
Quite. I've FELT like hitting them, mind...


Who hasn't?!    IMHO, though, hitting etc is more about the parent losing control than the parent wishing or attempting to discipline the child.

Agree

skotty wrote (see)

what's all this namby pamby political correctness about disciplining children, setting boundaries etc?

 just beat them senseless. that's what happened in my day.

 never did us any harm.


Disagree

I was hit quite a bit as a kid - ran away from home until my mother promised not to hit me again.

Anyway - stealing, yes a lot of children go through this, sometimes there is an underlying reason, bullying, insecurity etc. Other times it's just growing up and working out right from wrong which isn't something that happens overnight.

I agree with whoever it was that said talk to him about how he is coping with the not stealing. I've worked with problem children and its normal to have daily and weekly meetings to find out how kids are coping. You can often find out so much more - lets face it you are giving them a safe space to talk. even ask him to tell you if he has taken anything. get him to take responsibilty for his behaviour.

10/06/2011 at 11:55
Gyraffe wrote (see)
Sorry if this is a can of worms but does he have a Dad?


Yep, can of worms, Gyraffe.  I'm on my own with two (now teenage) boys - my ex walked out on us when they were 6 and 9.  I've managed to navigate them through the intervening years without problems - they do see their father, but only every 2 / 3 weeks and he is far from an influential character in their lives.

Re the talking bit that you mentioned, bm, that would be me - again.  That's how I'm bringing up my two - respect and consideration - both ways.

10/06/2011 at 12:00

Stealing is wrong.

Give him a clip around the earhole.

10/06/2011 at 12:45
Send him to be his bedroom for an hour but if he admits to it straight away cut it down to 30 minutes-yours Ken
10/06/2011 at 16:42
skotty wrote (see)

what's all this namby pamby political correctness about disciplining children, setting boundaries etc?

 just beat them senseless. that's what happened in my day.

 never did us any harm.

Quite.  Being "beaten senseless" by your parent doesn't scar you for life and destroy any and all trust you potentially had for your fellow human being.  Nor does it destroy your ability to cope with relationships you may form as an adult.  I'm quite sure Skotty we all found it absolutely hilarious at the time, its just the being beaten senseless bit has made us forget the joy of a broken nose and being told at 10 years old that you're a piece of shit who destroyed the life of your parent.

Gyraffe wrote (see)
Sorry if this is a can of worms but does he have a Dad?

Because, clearly, being without a father must turn a child in to a thief.  Any other dark aged stereotypes you'd like to attach to my and the millions of other children of this country who live in one parent families? 

I'm off to send my kids out to mug a few grannies, turn over the local Spar and joyride in a nicked BMW.
10/06/2011 at 16:51
Skotty was only joking - a parody of a certain viewpoint - pretty much what you just did yourself.  
10/06/2011 at 19:04

Cheers for the replies folks, some good (and some not so good) advice there.

Gyraffe - No, walked away years ago.

10/06/2011 at 19:27
Funnily enough, had to deal with a 13 yr old who had been compulsively stealing at school today. Uncovered a whole host of underlying bullying,self esteem issues. I would definitely keep being consistent with punishments but try to find the underlying causes/issues.

As for the idea that you have to beat children to discipline them... what rubbish. I work in inner city london schools and not only can I get them to do what I want without violence, I also see the impacts and damage done to children in the name of discipline at home.
12/06/2011 at 16:34

It could be out of boredom, stealing to get a thrill and the adrenaline rush. He might need some stimulation an exciting hobby perhaps, climbing, parkour, diving etc.

Could be due to peer pressure to be in with the "cool kids", then he need a talking to of what is really cool like saying no, maybe a bit of self esteem there as well.

As some above says it could be that he wants to be seen, to be noticed and loved (not saying you don't love him just that it might not be obvious to a kid). Spend more time with him, involve him in what you are doing more.

Might be none of them or could be a combination of all of them.

Maybe get him to due some regular volunteering with people really having it bad, homeless, victims of burglary etc to open his eyes a bit.

Also I don't completely agree with the "Always gets what he wants and does not want for anything." this could be part of the problem. Not knowing the value of things as he never had to fight for or save money to get things. Make him do chores for things, save up money if he wants a lot of things and maybe give him a carrot like a goal to look forward to if he behaves and doesn't steal.

Whatever you choose to do I hope it goes well for you.

Nicko. Hdau    pirate
12/06/2011 at 18:22
That boy is me! Apart from my dad was there but not with me. Never took me anywhere, never played footy with me. Mums usual response was "Oh go and play will you, your getting under my feet"
So the stealing, doing wrong started. Parents answer was the belt, when I suppose all I needed was a father figure and a proper childhood. No I didn't get anything I asked for/wanted as not a lot was earned in the pits. I was 13 before I got my 1st bike. I always remember getting a board game called Risk, about money/business management or something. I was 12 and it was for 3 to 6 players I think Hmm.
All I,m saying is maybe he needs someone to be a friend/shoulder/father figure to take him to see/do what he is interested in.
12/06/2011 at 18:31

Some sound points in there Nicko....Especially the first paragraph, believe it or nopt i bought him a bike for christmas and he can't ride and refuses to let me help him. I have taken a step back from the situation and will try to approach him to see if he will talk, from a friend point of view.

 Zaba...well aware that the "gets what he wants" is part of the problem but he is not my child and i'm trying to guide my MIL without ending up telling her what to do.

13/06/2011 at 11:02
Flat Footed wrote (see)

 Zaba...well aware that the "gets what he wants" is part of the problem but he is not my child and i'm trying to guide my MIL without ending up telling her what to do.


Sounds as if he could do with less "things" and more time / attention. 

You're in a very difficult situation, so all you can really do is more of the same.  If you can keep trying to be a friend to him, you might find that with time, it will pay off.  Hope so.


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