For the past few months it has become very apparent that my elven year old brother-in-law has been stealing...usual story it starts with small amounts of money, gets bigger, is always sorry, doesn't know why he does it etc....Always gets what he wants and does not want for anything. So no real reason.
His mother, my wife (his sister) and me have had several talks, tried the disappointed line, banning him from doing things, removed toys, computers etc..but he toes the line for a few weeks and then it starts again. He's even had the tour of the local nick.
Any ideas team.
Without implying anything here but....could it be this is an underlying symptom of something else? Is he doing it for attention? Is it an outlet for stress/anxiety? Is he being bullied and being made to do it? Is he being bullied for the money?
Just a thought starter, nothing else.......
with JJ.just try keep on with consistency........
a lot of kids go through the stage,..............but as we all know some come out of the stage and some just get worse...........horrible situtaion to handle.....
yes check for underlying things..........
my eldest has gone/ going through it but it has always been minor.....packets of crisps , biscuits etc............and maybe the odd pound................
its horrible to think you can't leave money or your purse anywhere around in your own home
+ 1 for what the others have said (particularly about it being a symptom of some other problem he can't articulate), bar JohhnyBike's suggestion, but to add another thought:
if he "toes the line" for a few weeks, then it escalates, could you make some sort of "arrangement" to talk to him each week, to see how he's getting on. Whether you make it on a formal or informal basis, perhaps if he knows that someone is keeping that close an eye on him (not, I'm sure that you aren't in other ways), maybe it would be enough to break the cycle.
It sounds as if there's more to it, so perhaps this too would be a way of getting to the bottom of it.
But as seren said, perseverance will really help.
Good luck and for taking it on.
It definitely comes across as an attention thing. Apart from your wife, does he have any other siblings, particulary of a similar age?
JohnnyBike wrote (see)
Beat him very severely then do it again
You can set boundaries, use discipline without resorting to hitting / beating / smacking someone. I've never used physical punishment with my two, have never needed to nor do I understand it as a concept.
Peter Collins wrote (see)
Quite. I've FELT like hitting them, mind...
Who hasn't?! IMHO, though, hitting etc is more about the parent losing control than the parent wishing or attempting to discipline the child.
what's all this namby pamby political correctness about disciplining children, setting boundaries etc?
just beat them senseless. that's what happened in my day.
never did us any harm.
Yet another insightful response from Skotty there. Or possibly an attempt at inciteful....
Doesn't matter how many possesions some kids have,if they crave attention they'll find a way to garner it. He may well get plenty of attention, love and support already but he's 11 which means he has a chip on his shoulder by default. He steals, you react, he gets his reaction, everything calms down again, he craves that attnetion - good or bad. Unfortunately there's no easy answer as every kid is different.
Maybe you could consider talking to him and making a deal whereby he forfeits something substantial but also has to do something for a volunteer led group for a month - working in a charity shop or old folks home visiting for instance. At 11 this will be his idea of hell but may also teach him the virtues of compassion rather than the punishments due him through expected bad behaviour of the future.
Jeepers wrote (see)
Peter Collins wrote (see)Quite. I've FELT like hitting them, mind...Who hasn't?! IMHO, though, hitting etc is more about the parent losing control than the parent wishing or attempting to discipline the child.
skotty wrote (see)
what's all this namby pamby political correctness about disciplining children, setting boundaries etc? just beat them senseless. that's what happened in my day. never did us any harm.
I was hit quite a bit as a kid - ran away from home until my mother promised not to hit me again.
Anyway - stealing, yes a lot of children go through this, sometimes there is an underlying reason, bullying, insecurity etc. Other times it's just growing up and working out right from wrong which isn't something that happens overnight.
I agree with whoever it was that said talk to him about how he is coping with the not stealing. I've worked with problem children and its normal to have daily and weekly meetings to find out how kids are coping. You can often find out so much more - lets face it you are giving them a safe space to talk. even ask him to tell you if he has taken anything. get him to take responsibilty for his behaviour.
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