How Jealous Are YOU?

Do you check up on your partner/husband/wife?

1 to 20 of 34 messages
09/07/2012 at 20:07

Apparently Jools Oliver has confessed to the Daily Mail that she checks Jamie's email, phone, Twitter, etc., to make sure he's not cheating.

I have never thought to do this, wouldn't do it, would be appalled if my Squeeze did it to me.

I often hear or read of people (mostly women) who get het up if they see their other half talking to an attractive person of the opposite sex, want to know what they were talking about, who was that person, and so on. 

It really doesn't 't worry me if I see my OH talking to another woman.

So do you check up on your OH? Do you worry if you see them talking to someone of the opposite sex?

09/07/2012 at 20:30

There was an item on the Jeremy Vine programme on R2 this lunchtime on the same subject.

Not something that would ever occur to me to do, nor for him to check anything of mine.  We live as opposite ends of the country so there's got to be a high degree of trust or you'd go mad and neither of us are really the jealous sort.

On the back of the Jeremy Vine item I asked about at work when I got back and none of the women said they checked up on thier OHs (or admitted to it) but a couple of the men said that thier wives checked their phones and emails but neither of them seemed to have a problem with it.

09/07/2012 at 20:36

It depends which "head" I have on. Usually not but I might get outbursts.... I've checked his phone before (I KNOW I KNOW IT IS WRONG) to find something I didnt want to find.... and after reviewing it in my head it was actually totally innocent.

He knows though that I check his phone occasionally. He hates it. But he is a lovely guy as he still sticks with me and forgives me.

He is much better than I deserve.

Deep down I know he wouldnt do anything, but often it is my insecurity talking over my sensible self.


09/07/2012 at 20:37

I don't check up on my other half that much. I read his mail to make sure he pays his bills or to nag him to do his expenses go to the dentist when he has an appointment, that sort of thing.

Should I be paid for being his pa?

09/07/2012 at 20:54

I met my OH when we were both married to other people, so I guess we would both have grounds for future suspicion.  However, I feel secure enough & have trust in our relationship that checking-up seems unnecessary and could cause resentment.  He does often ask me what I'm texting/typing though, so I guess he is checking up on me!  Doesn't bother me though

09/07/2012 at 21:20

I usually spend one night a week away with work. The joke when this doesn't happen is that he needs to cancel the girlfriend, because I'll be home instead. So, no, I don't check & have no fear that I need to. 

09/07/2012 at 21:21

I've never checked up on my Hubby, and even now we are separating I trust him enough that I haven't changed any of my passwords that he might be able to guess (and one that he knows but has probably forgotten).

I believe in honesty and it is fundamental to any relationship or friendship that I have.  I prefer to ask and be told that it is none of my business than to check up on people.

09/07/2012 at 22:46

I have never checked. I figure that if something had ever been going on I'd find out in time, but guilt brings its own karma.

I know that I have been checked upon, and an online account I had was deleted by the OH because "you won't be needing it anymore."  That wasn't the point. I had friends that I can now no longer connect with because of that.  

09/07/2012 at 22:54

I've no need to. He doesn't have time after working, looking after the kids, playing in a band, running and cricket

Dark Vader    pirate
09/07/2012 at 22:58

Surely it depends on the behaviour of the other party...?   If the other side is totally trustworthy and doesn't act suspiciously or lead a lifestyle to give any concern then you aren't going to worry...  if, on the other hand, there is a succession of suspcious events and behaviour that could easily indicate that something is going on then its only natural to start asking questions and looking for clues...   I wouldn't call that jealousy....    

10/07/2012 at 07:28

What DV said...

I don't really have the energy to start snooping on a partner. If I felt that insecure I'd talk about it. If it continued I'd trust my gut instinct and part.

10/07/2012 at 08:08

Yeah, what DV said, I think. The stats are not very reliable, but somewhere around 50% of people cheat in relationships at some point in their lives, and in probably a majority of couples presenting for counselling, an affair is a factor. So it's not entirely delusional to have suspicions. There has to be a middle course between paranoid suspicion, and blindness to the obvious.

My opinion is that marriage also brings an obligation to act openly, not furtively. If you never leave your phone out, to make sure your OH can't check your texts, then you're communicating something. I ask my OH to answer my phone (or read the text) if it goes off while I'm driving.

10/07/2012 at 08:13

I agree with DV. With my first boyfriend I checked his email because he was such a spineless piece of crap that I knew it would be the only way that i'd find out anything.

With hubby and previous boyfriends - I've really not bothered. I leave my phones out and if he wants to look - all he's going to see is me talking crap with friends

10/07/2012 at 08:28

I'm a very insecure person but have complete trust in my OH and close friends.  I wouldn't have a problem having any of them to check email or texts for me if I asked them to, but I do think it is important that I have my privacy when I want it.  There is very little I keep private to close friends and will talk about almost anything if asked.  So having that little bit of privacy is important to me.

10/07/2012 at 10:06

No, I don't and if I found out that someone had been checking my texts or emails to check up on me then I would be livid.

I think there is a big difference between privacy and secrecy. Either I trust him or I don't, and I feel that if I didn't trust him enough not to give him his privacy then I couldn't trust him enough to carry on being in a relationship. IMHO the lack of trust does as much damage, if not more, to a relationship than any "secrets" you might uncover.

It wouldn't worry me if I saw my OH talking to other women, and even if it did I'd have to get over it pretty quickly because his job basically involves touching other people all day 

10/07/2012 at 10:30
Vixx76 wrote (see)

I know that I have been checked upon, and an online account I had was deleted by the OH because "you won't be needing it anymore."  That wasn't the point. I had friends that I can now no longer connect with because of that.  

That would really bother me, that my partner felt he had the right to that.  It would have a serious impact on the relationship for me. 

From what Jules (Jools?) Oliver seems to be saying, she checks up on Jamie anyway, not because she has a reason to think he's up to anything.


10/07/2012 at 10:37

But I wonder why she feels the need to check up on him? I think it's more than a little creepy!

I don't cheat on my boyfriend or have anything else to hide, but that doesn't mean that I want him to have complete access to my emails and texts - even the totally mundane ones from my mum asking me to bring some eggs when I come round or to read what I've been ordering from Ocado!

10/07/2012 at 10:56

I don't know.  I remember seeing a couple in a restaurant once.  When the woman went to the toilet, the bloke rummaged in her bag and got her phone out and had a good look.

I went to the ladies and told her what he was doing.  She said they'd only just got back together after a split!


10/07/2012 at 11:01

He does look like he could be one of those really scatty people. So maybe she checks that he's not forgotten something, rather than because she thinks he's cheating? We can't know their dynamic, maybe he's happy that she keeps tabs on him, maybe it's one less thing for him to worry about.

I'm not sure I'd do it, but I married a man who can use a diary - even if he doesn't always tell me what is in it. OK if just him, less good if he's expecting me to go too...

10/07/2012 at 11:26

But the article headline is "I check Jamie's emails and phone to make sure he's not cheating", so even if he hasn't 'given her a reason' to suspect him of cheating she does it anyway - not really the same as keeping track of his appointments!

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