How Jealous Are YOU?

Apparently Jools Oliver has confessed to the Daily Mail that she checks Jamie's email, phone, Twitter, etc., to make sure he's not cheating.

I have never thought to do this, wouldn't do it, would be appalled if my Squeeze did it to me.

I often hear or read of people (mostly women) who get het up if they see their other half talking to an attractive person of the opposite sex, want to know what they were talking about, who was that person, and so on. 

It really doesn't 't worry me if I see my OH talking to another woman.

So do you check up on your OH? Do you worry if you see them talking to someone of the opposite sex?

No, not at all. I know he loves me and isn't interested in other women.

There was an item on the Jeremy Vine programme on R2 this lunchtime on the same subject.

Not something that would ever occur to me to do, nor for him to check anything of mine.  We live as opposite ends of the country so there's got to be a high degree of trust or you'd go mad and neither of us are really the jealous sort.

On the back of the Jeremy Vine item I asked about at work when I got back and none of the women said they checked up on thier OHs (or admitted to it) but a couple of the men said that thier wives checked their phones and emails but neither of them seemed to have a problem with it.

It depends which "head" I have on. Usually not but I might get outbursts.... I've checked his phone before (I KNOW I KNOW IT IS WRONG) to find something I didnt want to find.... and after reviewing it in my head it was actually totally innocent.

He knows though that I check his phone occasionally. He hates it. But he is a lovely guy as he still sticks with me and forgives me.

He is much better than I deserve.

Deep down I know he wouldnt do anything, but often it is my insecurity talking over my sensible self.

I don't check up on my other half that much. I read his mail to make sure he pays his bills or to nag him to do his expenses go to the dentist when he has an appointment, that sort of thing.

Should I be paid for being his pa?

I went out with a guy once who completely lost it in the obsessive/jealousy department.

Him: Why were you so long at the supermarket, you only went in for a bottle of wine. Who are you phoning?

Me: No-one, there was a bit queue at the tills

(Another occasion)

Him: Why did your car come in from that direction, where have you been after work?

Me: I went via town to book a hair appointment

Him: Liar, who are you fucking? If you are doing the dirty on me I'll bury you.

(and there were plenty more occasions, he got so bad that the only way I felt safe leaving him was to clear everything out without warning when he was at work one day)

I met my OH when we were both married to other people, so I guess we would both have grounds for future suspicion.  However, I feel secure enough & have trust in our relationship that checking-up seems unnecessary and could cause resentment.  He does often ask me what I'm texting/typing though, so I guess he is checking up on me!  Doesn't bother me though

I usually spend one night a week away with work. The joke when this doesn't happen is that he needs to cancel the girlfriend, because I'll be home instead. So, no, I don't check & have no fear that I need to. 

I've never checked up on my Hubby, and even now we are separating I trust him enough that I haven't changed any of my passwords that he might be able to guess (and one that he knows but has probably forgotten).

I believe in honesty and it is fundamental to any relationship or friendship that I have.  I prefer to ask and be told that it is none of my business than to check up on people.

I have never checked. I figure that if something had ever been going on I'd find out in time, but guilt brings its own karma.

I know that I have been checked upon, and an online account I had was deleted by the OH because "you won't be needing it anymore."  That wasn't the point. I had friends that I can now no longer connect with because of that.  

I've no need to. He doesn't have time after working, looking after the kids, playing in a band, running and cricket

Surely it depends on the behaviour of the other party...?   If the other side is totally trustworthy and doesn't act suspiciously or lead a lifestyle to give any concern then you aren't going to worry...  if, on the other hand, there is a succession of suspcious events and behaviour that could easily indicate that something is going on then its only natural to start asking questions and looking for clues...   I wouldn't call that jealousy....    

What DV said...

I don't really have the energy to start snooping on a partner. If I felt that insecure I'd talk about it. If it continued I'd trust my gut instinct and part.

Yeah, what DV said, I think. The stats are not very reliable, but somewhere around 50% of people cheat in relationships at some point in their lives, and in probably a majority of couples presenting for counselling, an affair is a factor. So it's not entirely delusional to have suspicions. There has to be a middle course between paranoid suspicion, and blindness to the obvious.

My opinion is that marriage also brings an obligation to act openly, not furtively. If you never leave your phone out, to make sure your OH can't check your texts, then you're communicating something. I ask my OH to answer my phone (or read the text) if it goes off while I'm driving.

I agree with DV. With my first boyfriend I checked his email because he was such a spineless piece of crap that I knew it would be the only way that i'd find out anything.

With hubby and previous boyfriends - I've really not bothered. I leave my phones out and if he wants to look - all he's going to see is me talking crap with friends

My computer is usually more or less always on and logged into my mail, fb etc, very easily accessible should my husband want to look.

The phone is out too and he knows all the codes to it.

For a lot of stuff we use the same passwords anyway so no secrecy.

What DV said I guess, I was wondering whether jealousy was the right word, some people are very insecure, which isn't necessarily the same thing.

I'm a very insecure person but have complete trust in my OH and close friends.  I wouldn't have a problem having any of them to check email or texts for me if I asked them to, but I do think it is important that I have my privacy when I want it.  There is very little I keep private to close friends and will talk about almost anything if asked.  So having that little bit of privacy is important to me.

No, I don't and if I found out that someone had been checking my texts or emails to check up on me then I would be livid.

I think there is a big difference between privacy and secrecy. Either I trust him or I don't, and I feel that if I didn't trust him enough not to give him his privacy then I couldn't trust him enough to carry on being in a relationship. IMHO the lack of trust does as much damage, if not more, to a relationship than any "secrets" you might uncover.

It wouldn't worry me if I saw my OH talking to other women, and even if it did I'd have to get over it pretty quickly because his job basically involves touching other people all day 

Vixx76 wrote (see)

I know that I have been checked upon, and an online account I had was deleted by the OH because "you won't be needing it anymore."  That wasn't the point. I had friends that I can now no longer connect with because of that.  

That would really bother me, that my partner felt he had the right to that.  It would have a serious impact on the relationship for me. 

From what Jules (Jools?) Oliver seems to be saying, she checks up on Jamie anyway, not because she has a reason to think he's up to anything.

But I wonder why she feels the need to check up on him? I think it's more than a little creepy!

I don't cheat on my boyfriend or have anything else to hide, but that doesn't mean that I want him to have complete access to my emails and texts - even the totally mundane ones from my mum asking me to bring some eggs when I come round or to read what I've been ordering from Ocado!