Elli if it was real love, I am sorry but you will not get over it and you will have to learn to cope in private. You will hurt and cry a lot in private. No amount of talking will help. You will not forget but if you are a well balanced person your future will take shape and you should move forward. You may feel that you settle for second best but whatever you do do not treat a future permanent partner as second best!
Personally I think it is only casual or habitual relationships in or out of marriage that are sorted by time or making new friends or getting involved in other things. Real love is a different beast altogether from lust or obsession or friendship..
Elli of the North wrote (see)
Some people may have underlying issues which can be made worse by major life events such as break up of a long term Relationship...resulting to time off sick.
yes, she clearly has underlying issues.
Elli – The initial stages you just have to ride out. You’ll feel bad, there’s no way round that. Just do whatever little things make each day bearable. Once this passes (and it will) then you can start to think about moving on with other things. You mention not having much of a social life. I had the same issue when I broke up with a long term girlfriend a few years back. Her mates were my mates, so I was suddenly left with no social life. At was at this point I joined a running club, started Spanish classes etc etc. Try and give something a go you’ve had an interest in. If your North is the NE then there are loads of friendly running clubs around. It’s a good place to start as you already know you have one thing in common with people.
My ex-girlfriend had a few sessions of therapy after we split. Seemed to help her, so it might be worth considering.
If you really loved him then that will remain with you forever. But that doesn't mean that you will hurt forever. I don't think you always fall out of love with people, but sometimes you move in different directions so that circumstances make you incompatible however much you love each other.
If he was that special then you will remember him fondly forever and that is something to be cherished. But first you need to go through that period of pain and adjustment while you get used to him not being there and establish a new life of your own.
Try to think of it as an opportunity. You are now free to do whatever you want with your life without him to hold you back. Spend time with friends and try to keep busy. Plan a few weekends away visiting people and think about where you want to go in the medium or long term. Also put some time aside to cry and come to terms with things. I found that a dedicated hour each day in which to think helped me to keep the negative thoughts under control the rest of the time but also gave me time to deal with how I was feeling.
I have been here before but stayed because I didnt want to hurt him and I didnt want to hurt.
This time I know that I will hurt him more if I stay and I hurt more if I don't leave. The realisation is hearbreaking, because it makes it so black and white. So clear. So true. So non-negotiable.
I don't think I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of being weak and attempting to try again... because it will kill us both and eliminate any chance of either of us ever being happy.
I look at the sky and it's so big and blue. I feel like someone has died but that the life goes on.
Than you Everyone who has commented on this. Very very helpful and very nice tips, some that seem like things I'd look forward to try. Of course this is not the end of my life. But I'm pretty sure its the end of my relationships. I've had enough of them to see what they are like. I think the only thing I fear is that when I'm old, I live and die alone.
Oh Elli, It's really difficult to see anything positive when you're feeling like that. My advice would be to take it a bit at a time, and not look a the bigger picture, the 'future' etc and worry, because your fear of failure is of the unknown. That is futile, as you have no control over it. Focus on things you can control... Things, people, places now which make you happy.
Running / exercise will help - you need some feel-good endorphins at present until things normalise, plus a release of stress and tension. Some people feel guilty / weak at appearing so self-indulgent, but you need that.. the time to yourself to deal with it all. It's like a bereavement and not something you just shrug off. What you're feeling is normal even though it might not seem it. Take care of yourself, and know that your friends on this forum are here for you
Yes I wouldn't think about the future too much right now either - who knows what that will bring - it's natural to feel that's the end of relationships for you - and you might be right - but you might be wrong too - someone else might come along who makes you happy who knows.
Also without wanting to argue on this thread I can't agree with Martenkay above - that just sounds so depressing - you might not forget a true love (and why would you want to) it doesn't mean you are going to have to spend the rest of your life "coping in private" - but maybe if you get stuck in a rut over a past relationship you do have to make a conscious effort at some time to move on rather than waiting for it to happen.
Hi Elli... the tears and upset will be painful initially and it'll be all-consuming... take advantage of distractions around you and support from people... in time, those feelings will fade.. the memories won't though.... if it really is true love, rather than lust or an infatuation, then the loving memories will last forever...
Love is one of the best human emotions... but it can also be one of the most painful..
You'll be fine... right now it probably feels like shit.... but give it a while and you'll be back on your feet again with a smile on your face..
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