How to sooth a broken heart?

1 to 20 of 29 messages
03/09/2012 at 06:47

Time heals and blah blah blah. Doesn't help me right now....

Any tips?

03/09/2012 at 07:58

(((Elli))))

It's taking every day one step at a time. Surround yourself with 'your' people. Friends, family and loved ones. I hated it but it did me some good.

I was told to write a list of everything that I didnt like about him and write a letter to him about how hurt I was and then rip it up.
e.g. I hate it when you didnt unpack the dishwasher. I hate that you always expect me to do x,y,z.

03/09/2012 at 08:14

Ditto what Emmy said, don't be afraid to lean on people. Not everyone has to be someone that you spend hours talking it through with, but everyone will understand and give you what ever is appropriate. And on that, take time off work if you need to, or at least let some trusted colleagues know what's going on.

It sounds a bit American but I think it's important to "process" everything. If you want to be angry be angry, if you want to talk about some fear that you know is irrational, acknowledge it. And expect it to be very up and down. The denial - anger - depression - acceptance thing is largely true, but it's a bit back and forth.

I think the best advice I was given by a friend recently is to separate how you feel about your ex-partner from how you feel about the entirety of what is happening. Some of what you're feeling will be panic and fear at the extent of everything that may have to change (e.g. moving house, who do you go on holiday with etc). These are perfectly normal things to be upset about, but they're not really about your ex-partner personally. It's fine to say that they were actually a bit shit but you're really bummed out at the idea of spending Saturday night home alone. 

03/09/2012 at 08:28
I don't have any family here and not many friends either. Haven't got much of a social life. He was my friend.
All good tips above. I really like.
I keep telling myself this is not muh different to being together as we didn't have much of a life together for a long time.

It's just so devastating to hear that he has no energy left to deal with me. I guess to me that means That I'm too much. Too difficult to be loved.

I will make that list.
Thank you
03/09/2012 at 08:33

Chocklit. *hugs*

03/09/2012 at 09:22

I know it may sound daft on a running forum, but I really did find running to be a great help when it happened to me - it allowed me to go forget about everything for a few hours - in fact I had not been as fit I was then for a number of years -

Time does heal, although for a long time there was rarely a day that went by without me thinking of her - 14 years later and I have seen her on facebook and she is no longer the slim girl I remember!! Whilst I am not much heavier now than I was all those years ago!!!!

So take the advice of people on here, talk if you need to talk and above all run forest run!!!!

03/09/2012 at 09:43

Sorry to hear that Elli - not sure I've any tips that'll help - maybe plan to do some stuff you enjoy doing - exercise is good but if you don't fancy running too hard a long walk in the countryside can be nice.   Look after yourself anyway we are all your friends on here.

Nurse Ratched    pirate
03/09/2012 at 09:52

((((Elli))))

Spend some time spoiling yourself, you deserve to feel good after going through something so upsetting. You don't need to go crazy, just write a(nother!) list of things you really enjoy doing, and make a conscious effort to spend time doing them.
Perhaps this is the time to seek out groups (running club?) where you can get to know more people.  Although when a break-up is still very fresh, you can feel that you just want the rest of the world to bugger off and leave you alone.  Which is ok too - for a little while.

03/09/2012 at 10:05

Just tell yourself that it is his loss, not yours. And really, really believe it. Because it is true - you could pick up another him anytime, but he will never have anyone like you again.

I have used that mantra to get through a tough time and I really did find it helped build me back up again. Your self esteem takes a knock when you feel rejected like that, but it's all in how you choose to look at it.

As for the painful day-to-day stuff, try to keep busy and make one or two positive changes in your life that might offer a distraction until you are feeling stronger. Schedule a weekly swim/class/solo cinema trip, whatever takes you out of your comfort zone and gives you something to be proud about.

Hope this helps, and even if it doesn't. at least you can see that others have been there too. lots of love x

03/09/2012 at 10:16
He is a great man. He didn't do anything wrong as such. Nothing that I didn't. It was an unfortunate mismatch.
Things just went wrong.
Doesn't mean that heart can't break without someone actually breaking it
03/09/2012 at 10:36

Everyone's reactions and ideas are different. My heart was broken within 3 months of me moving to another country. I had few 'real' friends around me and i felt so lonely.... i ended up travelling home a bit and really getting into skype and phoning friends back home.

I remember someone saying that the end of a relationship is like losing a limb. The worse the break up - the worse the amputation. You need to recover, learn to live without it and soon you'll be back on your feet wondering why it mattered so much in the first place.

It's ok to be hurt, it's ok to be angry and sad. If things went wrong - then they went wrong. There's no blame - just a learning experience.

As others have suggested - use this to push yourself with meeting new people, getting out there and trying something new. The world is your oyster!

03/09/2012 at 10:49

you just have to get right back on the horse.

are you free later?

03/09/2012 at 11:15

As others have said if possible try and make time to see your friends and family.

I split from my ex four years ago and I was completely shell shocked and devistated about it. It was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. My friends were great and rallied around me at the time, but I did find that things quickly returned to normal and I realised that I hadn't been seeing them as often as I thought I had when with my ex.

I found I took a long time to adjust to being single, probably longer than most do if I'm being honest. I do think running helped me a bit at the time, as I would focus on my goals for that rather than felling sorry for myself and having too much time alone to think with nothing else on my mind.

I may not be the best example right enough, as I've completely given up on dating/looking for a relationship now, or more to the point even trying to get a date there really wasn't any dating to stop doing. I spend the majority of my time alone outside of work these days. It took a long time, but I guess I'm sort if used to it now.

Sending my best wishes to you and hope you start to get over this soon.

03/09/2012 at 12:15

Hi Elli

2 months ago I was in a very similar boat.  The break-up came out of the blue, 3 years together, although really I knew things hadn't been working for a while - it was still hard to accept that he didn't want to try anymore.  I found myself without any family in the country and all my friends in London were borrowed from him, plus i had to move out.

I went back home to my parents for a week, took some time off work, let things sink in and figure out what I was going to do.  In lieu of any really girlfriends to chat to I downloaded an e-book called, "its called a break-up because its broken" (Behrendt)  - i know its sounds cheesy, and ive never successfully read a self-help book before,  but I was desperate and plus I had a lot of time on my hands.  I found it helped me through the various stages, plus it was quite funny too.  I haven't finished reading it yet, but I'm still dipping in whenever my head gets a bit messy.

I also went to my GP who signed me off work - one less thing to worry about was perfect.  I went back a few weeks later when I found i actually benefitted from the routine.

Its important to find somewhere to get your support from.  And I would also recommend running, just getting out of the house with a purpose is important.

Thinking of you, (hugs)

03/09/2012 at 12:18
Katiecom wrote (see)
I also went to my GP who signed me off work - one less thing to worry about was perfect.  I went back a few weeks later when I found i actually benefitted from the routine.

 

wtf? unbelievable.

 

 

03/09/2012 at 12:39
skotty wrote (see)
Katiecom wrote (see)
I also went to my GP who signed me off work - one less thing to worry about was perfect.  I went back a few weeks later when I found i actually benefitted from the routine.

 

wtf? unbelievable.

 

 

Why is that unbelievable? I've known a doctor prescribe valium and tranquilisers to a friend who went catatonic after her break up. She took it really badly and couldnt cope.

@Katiecom - i have the book - it's called a break up because it's broken. It helped me a lot. The rules for the first 60 days were really helpful.

03/09/2012 at 13:22

- thanks Emmy

Um and actually Skotty, you don't know me or my situation or in fact what my job comprises of so kindly reserve your judgement. 

 

03/09/2012 at 13:48
Katiecom wrote (see)

- thanks Emmy

Um and actually Skotty, you don't know me or my situation or in fact what my job comprises of so kindly reserve your judgement. 

 

03/09/2012 at 15:00

If you don't want it commented on, especially in a way you don't like, then don't post it in the first place.

Can't say I'd be too happy if a colleague was taking weeks off sick because of a broken romance. Annual leave yes, but not sick ...

03/09/2012 at 15:25
Some people may have underlying issues which can be made worse by major life events such as break up of a long term Relationship...resulting to time off sick.
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