I have never done anything

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26/11/2012 at 14:12

***Old joke alert***

A man walking along a beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man thought for a while and then said, "Build a bridge to the Canary Isles so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required for it to reach the bottom of the Atlantic! The concrete and steel it would take! It  will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man pondered this for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and, how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a long silence, the Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

26/11/2012 at 14:42

Sending flowers when it's not an Anniversary or Birthday will be seen as a sure sign of covering up for something you have either done, or intend to do. Don't do it!

26/11/2012 at 15:10
EKGO wrote (see)

Sending flowers when it's not an Anniversary or Birthday will be seen as a sure sign of covering up for something you have either done, or intend to do. Don't do it!

You see that's man-think. Right there. 

Whether it's flowers or something else you have to be spontaneous guys - ignore this advice at your peril!

Edited: 26/11/2012 at 15:10
26/11/2012 at 15:13

Screamy is right.  

My Squeeze brings me flowers from time to time for no particular reason.  It's lovely 

 

26/11/2012 at 15:23
Screamapillar wrote (see)

... have to be spontaneous guys - ignore this advice at your peril!

Another reason to add to the list* explaining my single status. I'm not in the slightest bit spontaneous. I plan everything!

*To be fair it's a pretty big list.

 

26/11/2012 at 15:30
Mr by eck bought me flowers a few weeks ago "because he saw them and thought I would like them". I discovered they cost him 34p rreduced from over ??5 when clearing the receipts out of his pockets. Did I mind? Not really. They were lovely flowers and he'd picked a day when I was getting over a bad patch.
26/11/2012 at 15:39

I would love it if Mr Penguin made me tea every morning before work. Also random flowers are good- I don't care if they were reduced, it still takes effort and thought to consider them (I am also happy with reduced cake/ biscuits). Same for going out for dinner- I'd rather stay in on Valentine's, but then go out for no real reason on other nights. A colleague of mine went as far to say that couples who go out for Valentine's are always near the beginning or the end of their relationship.

26/11/2012 at 16:07

Are you listening gentlemen?

As Dude said - it's pure gold. Has he gone to the florist's by the way? 

I did have to dump a guy just before Valentine's Day once. I couldn't have gone through that whole thing knowing my heart wasn't in it  

 

Cheerful Dave    pirate
26/11/2012 at 16:17
Wilkie wrote (see)

I know chaps don't put as much importance in cards, but ladies like them.

Thing is, when a man buys a card, it involves going into a shop, having a look at few cards and picking the nicest one.  If you're a 'new man' it might involve actually reading the message inside.  When a woman buys a card, it doesn't count until she's been in at least 3 different card shops.

Screamapillar wrote (see)

Dave - those one bought at the petrol station or outside the Co-op don't count 

 

Well no, spontaneous flower purchases tend to be Tescos' finest.  But then that does emphasise the spontenaity of the purchase, and at least involves more effort than ordering a delivery on the internet.

26/11/2012 at 16:20

Scream  - Its not man think, women have a more agile brain, men are more simple creatures, if you're in a great mood the flowers would be greeted with a smile and all's hunky dory, if you're not in that great mood it would be as I said, "Hmmm so why the flowers" anyway what we genuinely like about women is their unpredictability.

26/11/2012 at 16:46

Personally, if I wasn't in a great mood the flowers would cheer me up no end.

If you are met with suspicion under those circumstances - well, the long and short of it is that you shouldn't be. That isn't unpredictability it's meanness. 

26/11/2012 at 16:46
Cheerful Dave wrote (see)
Wilkie wrote (see)

I know chaps don't put as much importance in cards, but ladies like them.

Thing is, when a man buys a card, it involves going into a shop, having a look at few cards and picking the nicest one.  If you're a 'new man' it might involve actually reading the message inside.  When a woman buys a card, it doesn't count until she's been in at least 3 different card shops.

What's that got to do with the price of tea?  We're talking here about men doing things to impress women, I think?

If choosing a card is so simple, then it shouldn't be a problem, should it?

26/11/2012 at 16:51

Wilkie, I think we've lost them...Venus to Mars, Venus to Mars, come in Mars....

26/11/2012 at 20:10

it was raining so on a whim i splashed out on a TAXI to the theatre on Tuesday. we rode there in style. how is THAT for spontaneity girls?!

26/11/2012 at 21:39

Its a step in the right direction Dude.

I personally don't like flowers as they trigger my hayfever.  I would expect a long term partner to know that, but if it was a new guy on the scene then I would be very touched that they had thought of me

26/11/2012 at 22:09

I think I'm very thoughtful. I picked up a Turkish Delight the other day as a spontaneous treat. And if she seems a bit down, then I always avoid commenting on the size of her arse!

26/11/2012 at 22:34

And whoever said that it is the little things was completley right.  A thoughtful jesture, a comment at the right moment, a text... those are the things that really matter

Cheerful Dave    pirate
26/11/2012 at 22:59
It is simple Wilkie, that was my point. Unfortunately though, women don't always see it that way. The words "thanks, it's a lovely" are spoken with a look that adds an unspoken "but it was among the first half dozen you looked at, wasn't it?".

Only women can give other women cards that are truly appreciated.

It's the time of night for sweeping generalisations!
26/11/2012 at 23:44

I once impressed a woman by taking her ice skating on a first date when I couldn't stand up and had to hold on to the side....and even then I couldn't stand up.  She said that most men wouldn't risk doing something where they may look foolish or not be better than the woman.  I can't sing either but that doesn't go down so well.

27/11/2012 at 08:19

That's a good one jelly bean. who'd have thought you could impress by being unimpressive. women are curious creatures indeed. *noted*

my Bidie-In and her family are all very clever. I am not. I impress them by keeping quiet and looking serious.

she has to apologise to them whenever i take her to a football match. they do not like physical activity.

 

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