In a long term relationship what would you do if

your other half let themselves 'go'?

1 to 20 of 26 messages
kittenkat    pirate
14/08/2012 at 16:45

To the point where you didn't find them physically or sexually attractive any more?

Or, if you do find someone physically and sexually attractive, any change in physical appearance or personal hygeine doesn't affect those feelings?


14/08/2012 at 17:03
Divorce them
LIVERBIRD    pirate
14/08/2012 at 18:04

I still want to jump the bones of Mr LB. So the answer is....I don't know! Hasn't happened yet!

But if he's reading this, that's not a reason to sit on your arse and not train.....

LIVERBIRD    pirate
14/08/2012 at 18:06

The bit about personal hygiene is interesting. Mr LB is quite honestly the biggest clean freak I've ever met. His nails look like he's just been for a manicure and he's always showering. If he DOES stink, say after a run - I say "you stink".

And he pads off to the shower.

14/08/2012 at 18:09

I hope my partner would tell me if she didn't fancy me anymore

She wouldn't have to give me a reason though.

14/08/2012 at 18:32

Why would you let them get so out of shape before taking action?  I would expect someone to help me realise that I was getting out of shape before it got that bad, and encourage me to do something about it.  None of us let ourselves go overnight, unless triggered by some life changing event such as death of a loved one.  I guess the situation is a bit different then.

Kryten    pirate
14/08/2012 at 18:44

I was once in a relationship where my partner gained about 3 or 4 stones in the first six months that we were together.

Not doubt it makes me very shallow but I could not help but find her less physically attractive.

It is not an easy situation to be in! I am fairly sure that I never once made a negative comment about her weight gain, but somehow she still managed to make it all my fault.

kittenkat    pirate
14/08/2012 at 19:12
Kryten wrote (see)

I was once in a relationship where my partner gained about 3 or 4 stones in the first six months that we were together.

Jeez, that's some binging, that's a lot of weight in 6 months! Did you not notice as it was creeping up... quickly?
14/08/2012 at 19:34
LIVERBIRD wrote (see)

I still want to jump the bones of Mr LB.

Is that why he works 200 miles away ?   (I was joking !)

14/08/2012 at 19:37

Blimey Kryten.  But I wouldn't consider 6 months to be a particulalry long term relationship so I an understand why you ran.  Not easy to say anything in that situation without upsetting her.

I was thinking of people who have been together years and years, and the middle age spread starts to take hold.  Couples who have been together that long should know how to tell each other things without causing upset.

Kryten    pirate
14/08/2012 at 19:38

Yes we noticed, of course. I remember in the beginning her friends were saying things like "it's because your happy" (i.e. in a new relationship). She must have been really happy!

Kryten    pirate
14/08/2012 at 19:42

Actually she ended it in the end. But I think all the issues we had stemmed from this one thing.

(Edit: previous post, your = you're. Before the pedants get me.)

Edited: 14/08/2012 at 19:43
14/08/2012 at 20:20

I'd want to be told and I hope that i'd tell them. To be honest; there are times when hubby is less active but he goes through cycles of doing sport every day and then going back to doing it once a month. He eats crap and sometimes gets a bit of a belly but then within 2 weeks of his sporting cycles - he's back to his normal size again.

I tended to previously have a low self esteem when it came to my looks. I was a size 10 and when i looked in the mirror I saw size 16. This has changed over the years but I think it's one of the reasons that i'm more likely to be harsher on myself than hubby.

14/08/2012 at 21:14

Surely nobody needs to be told when they've let themselves go? They know.

14/08/2012 at 21:30

Some people stay together out of habit and comfort.

Some people have an intellectual rapport.

Some people are not body fascists.

Some people find sex elsewhere.

Some people find money and status a bigger turn on than sex.

Some people have illness or disability but still respect their initial feelings.

Some people are scared of change and financial insecurity.

Some people stay together until the children are older.

Some people have the old "it's not you it's me" conversation and walk......

Well it is supposed to be all about love but people are afraid to use that word.  The longer your relationship lasts, we are told love matures. Does it really come down to putting on weight, big bellies, letting yourself go and no longer having sex.

Oh yes! What would I do? I don't know but I am only too aware that relationships can change without very much warning. This does suggest lack of communication or complacency whatever the issues.


14/08/2012 at 21:46

Mr. Frog - they don't always know.  When I was at my biggest I had a kind of inverse body dismorphia.  I honestly thought that I only had half a stone to lose.  Not the three stone that I did eventually lose, and the rest that I never didt.  I wish that someone had taken the time to point it out to me in a friendly way as it was a symptom of so much more going on in my life that I needed to come to terms with.

I also thought that I was fit, because I had a physically demanding job.  And then I took up running and discovered just how unfit I was.

14/08/2012 at 22:57

Thing with weight gain is it's at the total opposite end of the compassion scale for friends to point out.

For instance, lads who've known each other from their teens but dont see as much as each other any longer may greet one another with some swear words and an inquiry as to what your mrs is feeding you followed by a thump in the belly. That's an indication you might be putting the pounds on and need to do something about it.

Women are far more likely to suggest they hit the gym together or ask the friend she's noticed gaining size if she would like to accompany her to the gym as she feels she's the one putting weight on.

Either way, l imagine someones friends to be the first ones to broach the issue first.


kittenkat    pirate
15/08/2012 at 07:44
Martenkay wrote (see)
. Does it really come down to putting on weight, big bellies, letting yourself go and no longer having sex.



The quote function is playing up! Anyway, I agree if you're saying it's more complex, however I think that loss of physical attraction can be a deciding factor in the mix.









































15/08/2012 at 07:53

My OH did put on some weight and has been steadily losing it again since going to the gym and being a bit more active.
Physical appearance has never been an issue for me as my OH has a condition called Neurofibromatosis and on our first date I found out about this as they had a lump on their arm and being tactless, as I can be at times, I asked what it was and was told. In the 17 years that we've been married the NF has gotten worse with several trips to hospital being required to remove those lumps that are most irritating because of their location.
As a friend said to me some time back I'm more interested in a person's personality and intellect that their looks. Ok, looks might help initially but I'd lose interest very quickly if they weren't interesting.

15/08/2012 at 13:30

Once asked a manager I worked with why was he getting married to his fiancee "cos she's fit" was his answer

Married my wife because of love and I wanted to have a family with her and someone who would support me through the good and bad far so good (not so much on her side though )

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