Is it right or wrong to speak your mind?

1 to 20 of 62 messages
Plum    pirate
29/02/2012 at 19:47
Sometimes right sometimes wrong..... that help?

Sometimes it is needed, sometimes it causes more trouble than it is worth
29/02/2012 at 19:48

It is both.  It's all about tact and timing.

I hate the people who hide behind "speaking their mind" to be unnecessarily offensive and rude. For example telling someone they need to try harder to get a better time when they are proud to have achieved whatever distance in a race serves no purpose.  It just upsets one person and makes the plain speaker look like a cock.

But there are times when it does serve a purpose.  One needs empathy to use it well.

29/02/2012 at 19:58

People who speak their mind more often than not tend to lack people skills. And the ones who pride themselves on it and see it as a positive character attribute are the worst of all.

I imagine most of them would choose "My Way" as one of the tunes at their funeral - the all-time self-justification choice of people who've charged their way through life, royally f*cking up everyone and everything they've touched.

Basically the rule is, "choose your words carefully and think about whether you really want to spoil a friendship/relationship over something relatively unimportant for the sake of maintaining your own self image".

*edited for typos*

Edited: 29/02/2012 at 19:59
29/02/2012 at 20:10

I'm barely a person at all.

And I wasn't having a go at you, btw - we've barely met - I just have been to too many funerals of "hard men" who lived by their own rules and informed everyone accordingly - and I don't see them as role models, basically.

Equally, angry middle aged men I work with who "aren't here to be liked". Sad, sad people and not people I aspire to be like.  I avoid angry, gobby people - they are vexatious to the spirit.

I'm just someone who tries to rub along with people - particularly people I barely know. Why should I "speak my mind" to them? I find life goes more smoothly with small talk and keeping gob shut when someone does something stupid.

I'm not my brother's keeper, basically.

29/02/2012 at 20:11

When you feel the need to speak you mind ask yourself a simple question.

Will I  make a situation better, or do I want to satisfy my desire to speak my mind?

I have spent a working life working in retail and have  learnt  the difference between saying what has to be said, and saying what I want to say.

The two are not the same, and I suppose when you daily deal with a plethora of complete strangers and all their foibles you learn that lesson.

People are funny.

29/02/2012 at 20:11

I believe there is a lot of truth in what JB says. 

As I said above though, it's all how a message is delivered.  Groups that work, be it families, friends, sports teams etc, have honesty but are also nurturing and encouraging.  Just spouting that everyone is a bunch of stupid lazy fekers may be speaking ones mind but it's not going to improve a situation.  Saying that things need to improve and coming up with solutions will.

Often those that take pride in speaking their mind have no interest in what others think.  Very ego-centric IMO.

29/02/2012 at 20:11
Depends on the mind being spoken.
29/02/2012 at 20:13
*Is at astonishing level of agreement with BDB*
29/02/2012 at 20:16
Johnny Blaze wrote (see)
*Is at astonishing level of agreement with BDB*

It's not the first time we've agreed on something surely?  We both didn't think much Avatar for example

KK - maybe I am.  But in my experience it is the ones who claim to speak their mind that are actually getting confused between the 2.  Speaking your mind and being honest are different.

29/02/2012 at 20:16

If I don't like someone, I just avoid them - why would it profit me or them to walk up to them and say "I don't like you because..." and list a whole set of their failings.

Who benefits from that? Not them, only the gobby person satisfying their own desire to get the world dancing to their tune.

29/02/2012 at 20:22

Unfortunately if everyone was honest 24/7 there'd be nuclear armageddon within a week.

As you get older, you realise that tact and diplomacy are there for a reason, and whilst some may think they mean you're not being honest, they will get the job done more often than not and keep the relationship intact in the process.

29/02/2012 at 20:35
At this point can I throw in Jokerman?  He spoke his mind.  Yet if someone didn't agree with him or get his point immediately, they were called stupid at the very least.  Just speaking his mind you understand.  I though it was rude, un-necessary and made him look like a cock (I appear to have the spirit of Minks with me tonight)
29/02/2012 at 20:35
Tact and diplomacy have saved me from dropping some enormous bricks.
One of my clients was a Japanese women in her mid 80's who had lived in the UK since the mid 1950's. Her command of the English language was terrible. It was about the same as someone who'd never bothered to really learn. I felt like saying in my lesser moments 'have you ever considered English lessons'. It was six months before she revealed she was completely deaf and had been ever since someone 'made a rather loud noise' in her home town. Hiroshima
29/02/2012 at 20:41

Well, I don't want an argument - you asked for opinions and my way works for me.

Its because I value relationships that I hold my peace. And for casual acquaintances, speaking my mind to them would just be plain rude.

Basically I always do a two by two Boston Box with "importance of issue" on the vertical and "importance of relationship" on the horizontal. If its a really important issue with a really important relationship then I tackle it, using what I think is the best way to do it - and "speaking your mind" is not the only option available.

Otherwise I'll probably let it slide or not mention it at all.

29/02/2012 at 20:44
Jokerman was a sad, sad individual and kind of proves my point.
29/02/2012 at 20:48

RicF you have in one annodote shown why speaking your mind is not necessarily revealing of "the truth"

If you had said something that woman may have never told you about her deafness and you would have maybe gone around telling a story about how you called up an 80 year old woman on her laziness.

It was in your silence and exceptance of this womans limitations that she grew to trust you enough to tell you something that it took here 6 months to work up the courage to tell you.

As I get older I find myself listening more and giving out my opinions less, while I find younger than me all to ready to voice opinions about me and others.

I just wonder "Christ was I such a know it all at that age?" and how did I shut up long enough to learn any thing?

29/02/2012 at 20:49
D2D and Anon were speak their mind types too.
29/02/2012 at 20:49
*post of the week*
29/02/2012 at 20:50
oops x post but yours was good too.
29/02/2012 at 21:24

You need to be selective and know your audience - singular or plural. An intelligent person will not let others feel unintelligent.

Frequently I have found that those who enjoy speaking their mind have great difficulty when the favour is returned.

In the main I have found such people as seemingly confident in themselves and their knowledge but have dreadful relationships with people, believing everybody accepts them. 

They tend to have a limited propensity for personal development professionally and socially because their personality has plateaued and stagnated. 

1 to 20 of 62 messages
Previously bookmarked threads are now visible in "Followed Threads". You can also manage notifications on these threads from the "Forum Settings" section of your profile settings page to prevent being sent an email when a reply is made.
Forum Jump  

RW competitions

RW Forums