Kids and alcohol

21 to 40 of 44 messages
06/12/2012 at 21:43

I didn't start drinking with friends till I was 17. I would have been way too scared (of getting into trouble) at 14.

Dunno what I'd do not having kids. I do think it's telling that she's told you the truth and not lied and arranged to stay at a friend's house.

06/12/2012 at 21:53

I'm with EKGO! My parents let me go to stuff like this when I was that age, they trusted that they had brought me up with enough sense not too get into anything too dodgy! I'm not saying I was an angel, but they always knew where I was and came to pick me up. I never came home drunk (I saved that until I was in my 20s!).

If you trust her to be sensible, set out the ground rules and make it clear that if she doesn't stick to them it's game over for her social life!

06/12/2012 at 21:57
Colin McLaughlin wrote (see)

(Thank goodness I don't have kids.)

So are we.

LIVERBIRD    pirate
06/12/2012 at 22:06
My 14 year old wouldn't want to go.
She has better things to do than drink alcohol and is showing no interest in it at all.

That may change. I was 20 before I drank alcohol at all. And Mr LB is teetotal. She doesn't think drunks are very classy..... :-/
06/12/2012 at 22:20

LB I don't think chocolate liqueurs count.

07/12/2012 at 07:19
It's similar to many issues with teens, your instinct is to protect and you virtually go to war, hard as it seems you have to accept they will always do the things you did, so I found it better (after the initial war) to allow something I could live with. Also agree with the comment on what I was doing at that age, when I wasn't playing football and rugby I was sneaking the odd can of lager.
FF that occurred to me too
07/12/2012 at 07:52

my brother went to one of these parties, at 1am my Mum got a phone call saying please can you pick him up from A&E, apparently he'd drunk a lot of vodka and was vomiting everywhere

i would think 14 is too young, maybe different at 16 if they have had the occasional glass of wine etc in a supervised setting (e.g. family parties)  and are aware of what alcohol can do

07/12/2012 at 07:58
If you say your child is sensible, and had not brought you any trouble previously, then maybe you could give them the chance to prove how they can be trusted. You don't know what they will do until you give them the chance. Mind you, only one chance for something like this though.
07/12/2012 at 08:08

If you suffer from peer pressure as an adult then you seriously need to question yourself IMO 

Anyway, to answer the original question - my friend and I first got drunk at 15, after hours, in her parents's pub, under their supervision.

Sounds terrible now but it did neither of us any lasting harm and they were there to look out for us. My other friend, whose parents were ultra-strict had 2 kids before the age of 19 and is what you might call "a bit of a lush" - it seemed to be a symptom of beng denied everything and not being trusted.

I suppose what I'm saying is that it depends on the kid. We also need to take some of the mystique out of booze so if the adult present can be relied upon to limit what's available then it might actually be a good thing.

seren nos    pirate
07/12/2012 at 08:15

i agree with taking the forbidden ness out of alcohol...it like food.everything is ok in moderation........

I have let my boys drink in the house for years,................they know the rules........no spirits apart from a taster..................they have to eat first.they have to alternate with soft drinks............not on a school night..........

to be honest they only probably drink a dozen times a year as its no big deal.........they had some alchol each last christmas and it was still there a month or two later...........

like all things there is no right way or wrong way with kids...........they all have different characters and peer groups.......you just try and follow your instincts

 

07/12/2012 at 08:26
My daughter is the same age and she is allowed the odd glass. I would trust her not to do anything too stupid but that is not the issue for me. It is one thing as a parent to allow your kid a drink but to allow other kids to come with the knowledge they will have booze is not acceptable as you are responsible for them, not even sure of the legality of it. Also while my daughter is responsible it is others I would not trust - she could quite easily find herself in a bad situation ie teenage boys and drinking and if you don't know the parent can you trust their supervision?
07/12/2012 at 08:31

It is legal Jeremy.

According to Wiki:

"Between the ages of 5 and 17, it is legally permissible for children to drink alcohol at home or at a friend's house with the permission of a parent or legal guardian."

Surprised it's as low as 5 but there you go.

07/12/2012 at 08:37
Hmm and Wiki is never wrong Was that UK specific? 5 does seem rather low!
07/12/2012 at 08:42

Yes it was UK specific, it lists drinking and purchase ages worldwide. But I've no doubt you could find the information elsewhere if you wanted to look.

seren nos    pirate
07/12/2012 at 08:42

It is 5 but its also part of the parents duty to ensure that the child is ok at all times.so it allows sensible supervised  drinking

I can remember going to parties at 14.and seeing the girls that had not told their parents they were drinking or that there would be drink there.they would sneak out with different clothes to change into......take money to buy alcohol out......and afetr a couple of drinks did not have a clue what they or anyone else was doing..........

I think its good that the kids tell you that there is alcohol etc.......but i agree that 14 is the kinda minimum i would consider and it would depend on the child............I would be much happier with them being 16

07/12/2012 at 09:38
EKGO wrote (see)

If you say no, she will find a way to go anyhow, whether to this party or the next,

This is true - I learned not to even ASK.  Just go.  Deal with the consequences (being gated) later.

seren nos wrote (see)

hands up who was drinking alcohol outide their own house at the age of 14

Raises hand.

I wouldn't have dreamt of telling my Mum there would be alcohol at a party (if I even told her there was party!), but people always brought some.

07/12/2012 at 09:44

Wlikie, its a hard fact of life, work with your kids, or fight against them, and Parents don't win the fight

07/12/2012 at 09:50

Nope. But I remember telling my parents the same story when I was 14 ...

07/12/2012 at 10:01

I was drinking by 14.  It was pretty much certain that from that age that some of the kids at a party would have brought booze along.  Perhaps parents did turn a blind eye, or perhaps we were more discreet than we thought (I doubt it!).  Experimenting with alcohol (and, if they take your fancy, other substances) is a part of life at that age, certainly for many kids in the UK.  If it's not this party that she tries booze at, it'll be the next.  I'm pretty impressed she is open with you about the fact she intends to drink and I'd take that as a good sign.  I probably didn't fess up to my parents that drinking until I was 16 or 17, and I think then it was only because there was a hangover I just couldn't hide...

07/12/2012 at 10:57

I didn't start drinking with mates til I was 16 - maybe things have changed but in the early 80s I'd say that was typical - I don't remember anyone drinking at 13 or 14 - in those days people didn't tend to go to a park to drink so if you couldn't get served in pubs (which admittedly was easier back then) you didn't drink or at least not often.   It's different drinking at home - I drank alcohol at home from very young - we'd get given whisky if we had a cold (my mum is scottish!) and on hot days dad would bring a big bottle of cider home for us boys to share.   In fact I've tried offering my kids alcohol and they don't want it or have a tiny sip and go urrrgh unless it's something like advocaat and lemonade at Christmas and that tastes like pop anyway.  

My daughter doesn't want to drink at this party herself - though I expect she might have a bit if others were I don't think she'd have more than a taste.  She's actually quite pissed off her mates are taking alcohol because she thinks it'll spoil it.  It's just I don't know the guy where the party is taking place, I do know the girl has older brothers so for all I know there could be 16-17 year old lads there, just seems to me a bit young to be adding alcohol to that.   

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