Loneliness and the Long Distance Runner

Does running have a downside?

21 to 36 of 36 messages
21/06/2014 at 17:13

Elite runners run to win races. They train to win races. Those of us that are not elites have to find other reasons if we can't win races. I have to say that looking to running to provide a social outlet is not a good idea, cycling is better as its done in groups and not always competitively , but running is not done to take trips, you don't go on a days running to Brighton unless its a race.

21/06/2014 at 23:43
SunnyBlueSky wrote (see)

I have been running and doing races for some years. No children and my wife and family have no interest in running. They even seem to have a life that excludes me. I have tried a Harriers club but it was very 'cliquey', the ladies and gents running separately each among their similar ability groups. The ability groups even meet socially (!) with little interaction. 

I have found myself in a very solitary situation doing something I really enjoy but have no real running friends. Sometimes I think things might improve if I stopped running but I find that running gives me some self esteem that otherwise I might not have and that is important to me.

Does any of this make any sense? Do any of you find that running has a downside? Is this what lies behind forum "socials"? 

Take a chance. I moved to a new city and I`ve met a fair few nice people through RW!

21/06/2014 at 23:59

I think we all, including the OP, know this has nothing to do with running and everything to do with his relationship.   Loneliness within a relationship isn't unusual but I don't think it is any more common in runners, maybe amongst some of the more obsessive because it might offer something to fill the gap.    Work on the relationship, end it or accept this is your life until it's over.   

22/06/2014 at 00:19
^ I think you have it spot on there popsider.
07/07/2014 at 12:56

Well I have seen my GP and he suggests Relate and offered me some pills which I refused. I said I do not think I am depressed. I said maybe my relationship is not that different from most long term marriages. A marriage should not be a substitute for having friends, should it? I see a few of you thinking my relationship is the problem. I only mentioned my wife and family by way of showing how isolated I feel when I seem to know nobody else. I think popsider is perhaps looking inwardly and I hopeis not fooling himself or herself.

I did suggest everybody get together for a lunch after payday. No takers but I might persist with the idea. I am being more positive and interested with people despite feeling awkward about it but certainly have not tried the lets meet up again idea.

With posts about socials and frequent daily posts by some on the forum I thought maybe there was some connection with running and feelings of loneliness especially as many of us do also run alone. 

Fido2Dogs you are much more outgoing than me and your activities are great. I would find all that to much pressure. Pipski, thank you. Thank you to everyone.

 

07/07/2014 at 17:16
Nick Windsor 4 wrote (see)

In the best possible way get yourself out and get a life, it's all there no big deal you don't need to be special just be you, I know hundreds of runners who I wouldn't call friends exactly but I am pleased to meet them when I do. They fuckin hate me though but that's because I have a giant bald head

Doubt that

07/07/2014 at 17:51

I'm glad you rejected the pills - some doctors seem to think they are the answer to everything.

i think you should stop projecting though - you've made assumptions about runners as a whole and are now doing the same with Popsider. It's not helpful.

If you think he was out of order, just say so.

08/07/2014 at 13:05
SunnyBlueSky wrote (see)

Thanks for your suggestions. I am in my fifties. It is not only 'running buddies'. I do not seem to have friends outside of running either, that is why I thought about stopping running and socialising more! I only run about 30 miles a week and about 50 preparing for a marathon at most twice a year so it is not as if I run too much.

Before Boston (yes my wife went shopping) this year I was sitting on the grass in the athletes village waiting to be called to the corral. It was very crowded and this American girl maybe late twenties nestled in next to me - did I mind if she lay down? She rested her head on the grass and pulled her skip down. I said don't fall asleep or you will wake up and there will be nobody here! She found that hilarious, nearly choking, we talked for just a moment and  I was off. Then I hear her shouting over everyone, she is standing waving calling my name and wishing me good luck. She made me feel that I was the most important person to her. I felt she cared and it is a long time since I had that feeling.

Having lurked on the forum for a while I see those who seem to post several times a day everyday and think are they also missing something? Surely they are not doing that from a workplace and if posting from home they cannot be too busy there either. This is why I wondered about other forumites being lonely getting into needless virtual arguments and if the common theme was running.

Pulled her 'skip' down? What on earth is that?

By the by, I belong to a club, and a nicer bunch of people you couldn't meet, from the few excellent runners at the 'top' to the rest of us right down to the slowest plodder. It's a very supportive community and not cliquey in any way, and I speak as someone who is diffident, shy and unlikely to belong to any clique other than one involving myself only. Find a different club. And find that American girl and send her my way!!

08/07/2014 at 13:14

large metal receptacle for throwing away old mattresses.

I guess she was quite muscly.

Edited: 08/07/2014 at 13:15
08/07/2014 at 13:16

Thanks Nayan. I was thinking maybe he'd misspelled 'skirt', but why would she pull it down?

08/07/2014 at 14:55

It would appear that 'skip' might also refer to 'skipper' or team captain. Suggesting she may have been a rugger bugger ie, mutatis mutandis, quite muscly.

seren nos    pirate
08/07/2014 at 16:00

i post frequently here.....but I am a member of a running club and enjoy running with them.and a member of a cycling club and cycle with them......

you only get back from things what you put in.

when running on my own I always smile and say good morning to people..i chat to other runners I come across.in races and parkruns I talk to people.......

ok I just like to talk....but if you build a wall around yourself....only you can knock it down.....you can't expect others to come and knock it down for you

02/09/2014 at 20:40

I thought I would post again to let you know what I have done in the event that anybody else might be looking for ideas also..

I have got myself involved in 'campaigning' as it is not such a solitary pursuit as running and some other sports. It is not 'political' stuff more charity stuff and animals. I can also do sponsorship for any races I do. I knew giving up running would not be right!

I will also not post again but probably go back to lurking. Sorry if that seems like stealing from the forum. The reason is that over the years I have not liked some of the things I have read but accepted that people have their own personalities. Some like to troll and they are easily spotted. Eventually I thought give it a try and posted. Thanks very much for all your replies.

The recent banning of forumites and deletion of threads seems to me like an attempt at sanitising the Forum to give an appearance that is not a true reflection of the reality. Maybe I am better at suffering fools gladly than others.  

 

 

10/09/2014 at 18:15

Bye, then

10/09/2014 at 20:26

Me,me,you,me.

Me,me,me,me.

Me,me,me,others,me,you.

Me,me.

That's your post abbreviated SBS, interesting piece of introspection.

10/09/2014 at 20:27

Bye


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