Money Money Money

what are your "his & hers" arrangements?

1 to 20 of 65 messages
Nam
26/11/2010 at 10:29

We had an interesting debate in the office yesterday about our various staff member's financial arrangements with their boyfriend/girlfiend/husband/wife.  It was a fun discussion simply because everyone had such different arrangements, and one person's ideal solution was another person's nightmare. 

The topic arose because the person organising our office secret santa asked how much people wanted to spend, and one colleague answered that it better be under £10 or he has to ask permission from his wife... and he wasn't joking.

OK, so these were the arrangements:

Older male colleague, married all his life, 2 incomes, one joint bank account, but she manages all the money, he gets pocket money and must negotiate any purchase over £10.

Younger male colleague, newly married, 2 incomes, each have seperate bank accounts for their respective wages and a joint account they put money into for mortgage and bills.  Both pay the same towards house and but they earn more or less the same. 

Older female colleague, married all her life, 2 incomes, one joint bank account.  He brings most of the money home which pays for house & bills.  Her 3 days a week admin job is effectively all hers to spend as she likes.

Young female colleague, cohabiting with long-term partner, 2 incomes but he earns more than her so pays proportionately more towards rent & bills.

Middle aged male colleague, married, he is sole bread winner.  They have a joint bank account but he also has his own savings account he puts money into he sees as his.  She is at home with 1 kid.  She doesn't have to negotiate purchases "within reason".

Young female colleague, cohabiting with long-term partner, 2 incomes but he earns 3x as much as her but the rent & bills as well as other major expenditure like a holiday are all split 50/50.

What are your arrangements?  Does it work for you?  Do you think some systems are fairer than others? 

26/11/2010 at 10:36

single, so all my money is my own.

That first fella's situation doenst sound good though....mind you there might be reasons you dont know about??? 

If i were in a relationship that got to that level - im not sure what would suit me as it has never happened....

Edited: 26/11/2010 at 10:38
26/11/2010 at 10:37
To an outsider some systems will seem fairer than others but surely the important thing is having a system that works for both of you.  I would find it very difficult to tolerate some of the financial arrangements you describe, particularly the one where the husband has to clear all spending over £10 with his wife.  But if he is incompetent when it comes to finances it might be better for them if she manages everything.
26/11/2010 at 10:39

I thought marriage/partnerships were all about sharing equally??????

I have been married 40 years (well they said it was for life!!) had a single joint account all that time and been the major earner all that time. We have never had an argument about money or who has spent what in a time that has covered periods of comparative poverty and affluence.

if you don't trust your partner you are in the wrong relationship!!

26/11/2010 at 10:41
Nam wrote (see)
Younger male colleague, newly married, 2 incomes, each have seperate bank accounts for their respective wages and a joint account they put money into for mortgage and bills.  Both pay the same towards house and but they earn more or less the same. 

Young female colleague, cohabiting with long-term partner, 2 incomes but he earns more than her so pays proportionately more towards rent & bills.

A combination of these two.

We have seperate accounts, and a joint, both pay an agreed amount into the joint acc (me more as I earn more).

 The only issue with this arrangement comes when paying for "lesuire" items, like holidays, trips out etc, but we try and split everything fairly, so for holidays, I'll pay for the actual holiday and my partner will supply the spending money etc etc

26/11/2010 at 10:42
Torque Steer wrote (see)

I thought marriage/partnerships were all about sharing equally??????

I have been married 40 years (well they said it was for life!!) had a single joint account all that time and been the major earner all that time. We have never had an argument about money or who has spent what in a time that has covered periods of comparative poverty and affluence.

if you don't trust your partner you are in the wrong relationship!!


Say you're married to someone who isn't good with money but is wonderful in every other way.  Would you trust them with the finances?  Marriage isn't about sharing equally.  It's about working to your strengths and allowing your partner to work to his or hers.
26/11/2010 at 10:43

We have a joint bank account, which we contribute to on the same ratio as our incomes, so I put in a bit more than MrANTB. We then have our own current accounts and savings accounts. This year we decided to open a savings account for our big holiday.  We contribute to that 50/50, at MrANTB's insistance.

We both feel a bit funny spending money from the joint account. It tends to go on house stuff, if we take other folk out for dinner or big pressies for family.

He's far more sensible with money than I am, so he looks after the joint accounts.  If I see a healthy balance, I tend to think "ooooo spend!"

I'd been badly messed about by my previous partner, so it took a huge leap of faith for me to go down the joint bank account route. I'm glad I have tho, but I'd never give up having my own money. Friends of ours have one joint account, where all their money goes. Leads to no end of rows, as he likes to spend and she likes to save. He had expensive tastes, she loves ebay. Rowing about money would make me very uncomfortable, my parents did it all the time.

Nam
26/11/2010 at 10:48

My colleague who has to negotiate £10+ purchases, the arrangement counts for both by the way and he's very happy about it in a "I don't really need anything" kind of way.

Yes I agree with what people have said if someone is financially not very reliable but perfect in all other ways.

The biggest discussion here arose between a male colleague, who feels that despite earning more he should not have to pay more than half, and a female colleague who feels it's unfair she pays half when she only earns a third.  I could see both sides argument...

26/11/2010 at 10:52
joint bank account, joint credit card, joint savings account. OH has a seperate savings account to look after the 2 youngest who are still at uni, Thier father pays into that account as do we.
26/11/2010 at 10:54
Nam wrote (see)

The biggest discussion here arose between a male colleague, who feels that despite earning more he should not have to pay more than half, and a female colleague who feels it's unfair she pays half when she only earns a third.  I could see both sides argument...


I was going to say the same... all of the scenarios you described seemed quite fair in their own way, but this particular one stood out as being rather unfair.

But thinking about it further, in terms of their joint contribution I suppose they are both benefiting from the same standard of living in terms of their house and regular bills and the 'difference' in their income is reflected in the spare cash each of them has... so if he earns more, it's perhaps only right that he has more spare cash to do what he likes with.

Edited: 26/11/2010 at 10:54
26/11/2010 at 10:56
We have separate accounts. No particular reason, we just never got round to having a joint one after we got married. I earn quite a bit more so I pay the household bills, and what she earns is hers to spend how she wants, although she does cover her own car costs.
26/11/2010 at 10:56

Like Nick, I'm single so all my money is my own... all well and good, but sometimes it would be nice to be able to share the big household bills with someone !

26/11/2010 at 10:57

from someone with little experience in this area (so i may be talking rubbish) there has probably been a shift away from a traditional sole joint account?....to more independance with regard to finances?

(you would need to data to support this)....

Purely due to how society has changed....i.e. fewer people getting married, higher divorce rates etc?

I agree with Mr W that you ahve to manage things accordingly/appropriately for a couple. 

 Danos approach sounds what I think would be the approach I would like. People I think should pay an amount proportional to what they earn.

Juliefrazz wrote (see)

Like Nick, I'm single so all my money is my own... all well and good, but sometimes it would be nice to be able to share the big household bills with someone !

its not so much the 'bad' expenses....sometimes doing the 'fun' stuff is expensive too...and often I dont bother, as it is too much......short holidays/breaks etc
Edited: 26/11/2010 at 10:59
26/11/2010 at 10:57

I don't think there's a right answer to that, Nam, and fortunately we haven't had to tackle the problem as we earn about the same.  I would probably argue that they should pay the same amount towards household expenses as they are each getting the same benefit from having a house and paying the bills.

But that's the economist in me speaking

26/11/2010 at 10:57
M.ister W wrote (see)
Say you're married to someone who isn't good with money but is wonderful in every other way.  Would you trust them with the finances?  Marriage isn't about sharing equally.  It's about working to your strengths and allowing your partner to work to his or hers.


So the dominant partner always gets his/her own way?? Good way to the divorce courts.

What's this thing about being good with money? You don't have it, you don't spend it. When you do have it you spend carefully on what is needed. It ain't rocket science - or economics!!

Actually I withdraw that last remark - it's a lot more sensible than economics..................

26/11/2010 at 11:01

We do this one:

Younger male colleague, newly married, 2 incomes, each have seperate bank accounts for their respective wages and a joint account they put money into for mortgage and bills.  Both pay the same towards house and but they earn more or less the same. 

If we earnt significantly different amounts we'd do this.

Young female colleague, cohabiting with long-term partner, 2 incomes but he earns more than her so pays proportionately more towards rent & bills.

We also have a joint ISA for house deposit savings/holidays. 

We earn about the same, I spend ££ on shoes he spends his on xbox games and gadgets... if you're paying the bills it doesn't matter what the rest is spent on.

gingerfurball    pirate
26/11/2010 at 11:01

Married 23 years - MrGFB is self employed and I'm his love slave (unpaid!!) - I run his office and up until this year didn't draw a wage - I think thats changing in Jan when I become self employed also.

We have a business account - pays all the business bills.

A personal account - pays all home bills

A savings account

All joint.

26/11/2010 at 11:02
Torque Steer wrote (see)
M.ister W wrote (see)
Say you're married to someone who isn't good with money but is wonderful in every other way.  Would you trust them with the finances?  Marriage isn't about sharing equally.  It's about working to your strengths and allowing your partner to work to his or hers.


So the dominant partner always gets his/her own way?? Good way to the divorce courts.

What's this thing about being good with money? You don't have it, you don't spend it. When you do have it you spend carefully on what is needed. It ain't rocket science - or economics!!

Actually I withdraw that last remark - it's a lot more sensible than economics..................


You live in some sort of dream world where no-one gets into debt and people only spend what they earn.  Yes, that's how I behave but it certainly isn't how everyone behaves and you're stupid if you think they do.

It's not about one partner being dominant.  It's about recognising that some people aren't good at some things.  There's stuff I'm not good at so I'm happy for Pink to do those things.  Equally, there are things Pink isn't good at so I do them.

26/11/2010 at 11:03
Nam wrote (see)
Younger male colleague, newly married, 2 incomes, each have seperate bank accounts for their respective wages and a joint account they put money into for mortgage and bills.  Both pay the same towards house and but they earn more or less the same. 

Pretty similar to my set up.

Aside from the fact we're not married and don't have a joint account.

Call it outmoded, but I still think the man should be the breadwinner though. 

26/11/2010 at 11:03
M.ister W wrote (see)

  I would probably argue that they should pay the same amount towards household expenses as they are each getting the same benefit from having a house and paying the bills.

But if one partner earns vastly more than the other does that mean the families lifestyle has to be based around the one who earns less ?

My OH earns lots (and I mean lots) more than I do, We couldn't afford this house, or our cars if we only based our life on what I earn + the same from her.....

 we are a partnership and everything goes into a joint account, and everything is paid from that account

1 to 20 of 65 messages
Previously bookmarked threads are now visible in "Followed Threads". You can also manage notifications on these threads from the "Forum Settings" section of your profile settings page to prevent being sent an email when a reply is made.
Forum Jump  

RW competitions

RW Forums