Most stupid or obscure injury award.

When I was about 8 years old I was "helping" my uncle with some gardening, and managed to impale my foot with a garden fork

As a youngster, cutting out a poster from a magazine and in a hurry I put the scissors down they got stuck in our thick carpet upturned and I knelt on the point. I screamed and stood up instantly with them stuck in my knee!

I fell down the stairs backwards (from the top step), carrying scrabble and a glass of milk. Got to the bottom covered in milk and letters. Cracked ribs and a good ribbing soon after.

Tried to avoid an electrified fence whilst working on a ranch in Canada, thought I would shimmy under the main gate. Turned out the cable runs under it too! 

Bouncing on my nan's sofa excited with my new Paul Daniel's magic set, I had the wand in my hand, slipped off the sofa and hit the floor, the white part of the wand penetrated the back of my throat. All I remember is the horrible taste of salt water for ages.

My mum took my cat to the vet and the vet got her to hold the cat while he performed the examination. The vet stuck his finger up the cat's arse and the cat bit into my mum's thumb.

My mum needed a course of strong antibiotics. The cat was fine.

Ok time to wheel out the ultimate 

ERMEHGERD story

This thankfully didnt happen to me.

My mate Bill was ...was....a Postman in Ferndown near Bournemouth. On delivery one day goes up a garden path with a parcel, knocks on the door.

He hears barking tother side sees outline of German Shepard Dog.

Can you guess where this is going?

Bill steps back as the bloke grabs dog and opens door.

Bloke has hold of dog, Bill has parcel.

Bill leans forward to hand bloke parcel.

Dog lunges towards Bill

Dog sinks teeth into Bills groin.

Bloke pulls dog bag dragging Bill with him.

Dog still clamped to front of Bills trousers.

Bill screaming, man prises dogs jaws open.

Bill collapses.

Ambulance called.

Bill taken away.

Scrotum neatly torn in half by dogs teeth.

Testicles exposed to elements.

Bill needs blood transfusion and dozens of stitches in clackerbag.

Owner taken to court £2,000 fine dog destroyed banned from owning animals for 5 years

Bill retired medically unfit. Massive payout from mans insurers.

Bill now librarian

    *faints*  

Ruined a good pair of wellies by putting a garden folk through my foot.  Mum was not impressed. 

When I was 12, a fat kid jumped off the top bunk of my bunk bed and broke my big toe

I lost both my front teeth when racing shopping trolleys (aged early 30s at the time)

I tore the ligaments in my ankle stepping on a tennis ball, fractured an ankle turning on the spot, broke a thumb stepping off an escalator, broke a finger when standing completely still and falling over for no apparent reason, etc etc

Took all skin off bottom of my back when young trying to do Fosbury flop onto bed but just succeeded in grazing my back all down side of bed (which must somehow not have been all soft - can't remember exact details but still have the scars).

Superglued the rear view mirror onto palm of my hand whilst trying to glue back into car and had to get wife to drive me down to A&E to get removed - cue much hilarity and a few good jokes about me having to hold my hand up so she could see if there was anything behind her etc etc.

Skinny Fetish Fan wrote (see)

Superglued the rear view mirror onto palm of my hand whilst trying to glue back into car and had to get wife to drive me down to A&E to get removed - cue much hilarity and a few good jokes about me having to hold my hand up so she could see if there was anything behind her etc etc.

Sorry.  I shouldn't.  

Hurt my knee running a couple of month ago. I was hobbling around on crutches and bloody kicked the treadmill by accident walking past -broke 2 toes.

I did something similar too - I had fallen and broken my ankle on a training run (while on holiday in Club la Santa no less) and was hobbling from one room to the other and miscalculated the door frame and banged my pinky toe (on the other foot) and broke that too - it's not easy limping on two legs!!

If you're on my Facebook you'll already know I had a somewhat "intimate" argument with a bollard yesterday....

And then had to go to see a GYNAECOLOGIST at lunchtime and explain why I had a purple fanny

My mother accidentally jammed the forked tail of a purple plastic dinosaur into my ear while messing around with a Happy Meal at McDonalds.

The wait at a&e was mortifying. I was 19-years-old!