Most stupid or obscure injury award.

41 to 60 of 63 messages
18/09/2012 at 21:15

Ok time to wheel out the ultimate 


This thankfully didnt happen to me.

My mate Bill was ...was....a Postman in Ferndown near Bournemouth. On delivery one day goes up a garden path with a parcel, knocks on the door.

He hears barking tother side sees outline of German Shepard Dog.

Can you guess where this is going?

Bill steps back as the bloke grabs dog and opens door.

Bloke has hold of dog, Bill has parcel.

Bill leans forward to hand bloke parcel.

Dog lunges towards Bill

Dog sinks teeth into Bills groin.

Bloke pulls dog bag dragging Bill with him.

Dog still clamped to front of Bills trousers.

Bill screaming, man prises dogs jaws open.

Bill collapses.

Ambulance called.

Bill taken away.

Scrotum neatly torn in half by dogs teeth.

Testicles exposed to elements.

Bill needs blood transfusion and dozens of stitches in clackerbag.

Owner taken to court £2,000 fine dog destroyed banned from owning animals for 5 years

Bill retired medically unfit. Massive payout from mans insurers.

Bill now librarian

gingerfurball    pirate
19/09/2012 at 09:11


19/09/2012 at 09:27
19/09/2012 at 11:21

Ruined a good pair of wellies by putting a garden folk through my foot.  Mum was not impressed. 


25/09/2012 at 15:09

When I was 12, a fat kid jumped off the top bunk of my bunk bed and broke my big toe

25/09/2012 at 15:45
My uncle once had a dental appointment but couldn't make it so my dad went instead. 4 hours later dad returns home minus half his teeth with another appointment booked to remove the rest.
When at school in a woodwork lesson, pupils gathered around the lathe while teacher demonstrates. One pupil points at part of the lathe and asks "what does that bit do ?". The whole class soon found out as I poked my finger to close too the lathe which proceeded to take my finger tip off and splatter some of the other pupils with blood.
My dog was being a pain the other night so I went to clip him round his rump but he was too quick. My hand continued along its intended path and I smacked myself in the knackers. Ouch
25/09/2012 at 16:23

I lost both my front teeth when racing shopping trolleys (aged early 30s at the time)

I tore the ligaments in my ankle stepping on a tennis ball, fractured an ankle turning on the spot, broke a thumb stepping off an escalator, broke a finger when standing completely still and falling over for no apparent reason, etc etc

25/09/2012 at 16:35

Took all skin off bottom of my back when young trying to do Fosbury flop onto bed but just succeeded in grazing my back all down side of bed (which must somehow not have been all soft - can't remember exact details but still have the scars).

Superglued the rear view mirror onto palm of my hand whilst trying to glue back into car and had to get wife to drive me down to A&E to get removed - cue much hilarity and a few good jokes about me having to hold my hand up so she could see if there was anything behind her etc etc.

25/09/2012 at 16:53
Ok, cracked my rib in August while running. Didn't fall over or run into anything. Of just went mid run.

I was racing a mate on a training run and two blokes started to walk out of a shop 5ft apart. Mate slammed to a halt just before them and I laughing aimed straight down the middle, thru a big pane of glass and embarrassed carried on. When mate caught me up I had a 10'' shard of glass sticking out of my shoulder.

Worse, and thankfully not me. Playing football against another school me and their winger slid in for the the ball. He screamed out loud. I got up, called him a puff then noticed his white shorts getting increasingly red. He had managed to slide over a broken bottle and sever a testicle. I can feel his pain now. :-/
25/09/2012 at 16:58

Nurse Ratched    pirate
25/09/2012 at 22:39
Skinny Fetish Fan wrote (see)

Superglued the rear view mirror onto palm of my hand whilst trying to glue back into car and had to get wife to drive me down to A&E to get removed - cue much hilarity and a few good jokes about me having to hold my hand up so she could see if there was anything behind her etc etc.

Sorry.  I shouldn't.  

27/09/2012 at 09:11

Hurt my knee running a couple of month ago. I was hobbling around on crutches and bloody kicked the treadmill by accident walking past -broke 2 toes.

gingerfurball    pirate
27/09/2012 at 09:14

I did something similar too - I had fallen and broken my ankle on a training run (while on holiday in Club la Santa no less) and was hobbling from one room to the other and miscalculated the door frame and banged my pinky toe (on the other foot) and broke that too - it's not easy limping on two legs!!

LIVERBIRD    pirate
27/09/2012 at 19:21

If you're on my Facebook you'll already know I had a somewhat "intimate" argument with a bollard yesterday....

And then had to go to see a GYNAECOLOGIST at lunchtime and explain why I had a purple fanny

27/09/2012 at 19:39

My mother accidentally jammed the forked tail of a purple plastic dinosaur into my ear while messing around with a Happy Meal at McDonalds.

The wait at a&e was mortifying. I was 19-years-old!

28/09/2012 at 08:39
Before the start of the London to Brighton ultra i fell off the pavement and went over on my ankle, during the race i ran past/into a massive bramble bush and shreaded my arm to the point i had blood dripping off my elbow, a bit further on in the race a took a slight wrong turn and ended up the wrong side of a barbwire fence. The option of running back to the correct point didn't appeal to me so jumped the fence in the process gave myself a nice cut in my knee cap. I did look like i had been through it when i reached the finish line, dried blood down my arm and a bloody leg with a nice blood red sock.
gingerfurball    pirate
28/09/2012 at 09:28

I have shared this story before but for those who missed - I nearly gave MrGFB a complete "wang-ectomy" once.  We were out a walk on a lovely sunny day and I (being a bit clumsy) full on tripped and was windmilling forward - as I was falling I grabbed something to stop my fall - sadly for MrGFB it was his manhood that I caught...and nearly yanked it off...he fell to his knees yelling "you pulled me down by the c*ck!!" - it took him a little while to recover.

28/09/2012 at 10:05
Got sent to Iraq to find roadside bombs....
Had to be medicaly evacuated...
Broke my hand playing football!!

Fell like a proper nobber sat in the field hospital with the proper causalties
28/09/2012 at 10:13
I was working on a machine and had my head in a tight space, banged the back of my head, as a reflect reaction i brought my head forward and chipped my tooth.

In Aberdeen as a kid i jumped in to the swimming pool without first testing how deep the water was, bit through my lip. As an adult, on holiday in Cyprus, i jumped into the swimming pool without checking how deep the water was, split lip and chipped tooth!
28/09/2012 at 10:17
John mackenzie, have you got life insurance or did they refuse to cover?
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