OH keeps trying to stop me

what do you do?

21 to 40 of 56 messages
31/12/2011 at 20:41

25miles or so a week certainly isn't that much in the scheme of runners on this forum. But to a non runner, it probably sounds obsessional!

It probably comes as a bit of a worry when someone you've been married to for 12 years suddenly starts a hobby up that doesn't involve you, but that's not your problemo!

The girls I've gone out with who haven't run, always seem to think I prefer running over seeing them, however i fit it into my routine.

Having said that I do a leeetle more than 25miles a week, so it's probably a fair comment

Regarding injuries, and talking about tough sessions, you have to learn that talking about them to a non runner is simply pointless, as you'll just hit a brick wall of "just rest then", or "you don't have to run", and suchlike.

Save the running chat for on here or other running buddies!

31/12/2011 at 21:05

What does he think of your posting on here?

01/01/2012 at 09:41

Mr Puffy - he makes comments like 'talking to your real friends'!! As if I actually knew anyone in here in real life! And he spends most evenings on a football forum, so he should know really....

01/01/2012 at 10:20
mathschick wrote (see)

I think I do enjoy my time running more than my time with him - but I don't let him know it!! 


He knows
01/01/2012 at 10:55

Hi Mathschick, I know your scenario oh so well. You can take a horse to water, but you cant make him drink? I have to give kudos to my other half - he at least tried a half marathon to see if he enjoyed it (but refused to come out with me on any of my training runs), then complained for a week afterwards that he couldnt walk properly.

Now i'm training for london he's laughing at the aches and chafing pains saying "he doesnt want me to get hurt" "this really doesnt sound like it's doing me any good"..... and i'm like you - the more negative he is - the more determined I become.

I use running and the gym as "me time". He can play computer games and do his thing but you need to have something of your own to cherish. I guess you need to have a sit down with him with no distractions and ask if he's going to support you and ask about his feelings to try and work out if it's insecurities or something else.

Don't give up something that makes you happy.

01/01/2012 at 11:12

Hi Emmy

good to hear someone else has the same problems, well, not good, but you know what I mean. Apparently if I talk to him about it he interprets that as me complaining about aches, niggles, problems etc. I am only trying to have a conversation with him abut things other than everyday practicalities! Maybe I should not speak to him about running, but then isn't that worse and going to end up with us going separate ways?

01/01/2012 at 11:28
mathschick wrote (see)

I think I do enjoy my time running more than my time with him - but I don't let him know it!!


mathschick wrote (see)

 And he spends most evenings on a football forum, so he should know really....

Perhaps he does know.

Maybe there's more to it than just his dislike of your running - but can you try to work out some kind of schedule where you both have "me time" to carry out your interest, on your own, while the other one looks after the children - so that at least it's seen as "fair" by both sides?  If he's on a football forum, is that because he plays too?  If so, do you go and spend the match on the sidelines, supporting him?  Maybe he feels hard done by in that respect.

And - while you may want to see him and your children at the end of the mara, it's about your achievement, not theirs, which is why he may not be too keen.  If you look at it from their point of view, they have to hang around for hours, with probably not much to do and they probably don't understand what it means to you.  You don't say, either, how old the children are - perhaps he thinks they're too young to spend that time waiting for mum to pass the finishing line.

I've only asked mine to come to one race with me - they had an interest in the charity for whom I was running.  It was only 10m and they said that it was a pretty tedious affair, they had nothing to do while waiting, so I don't ask people along, just go on my own. 

Nicko. Hdau    pirate
01/01/2012 at 11:32
Does he go to the pub with his mates, to watch footy, play darts, pool?
Your running is the same thing to you!
01/01/2012 at 11:38
I think part of the problem is that he doesn't have mates, doesn't go to the pub, doesn't play football. He just stays at home all the time, doesn't want to do anything. I have said that if he wants to go somewhere. do something, he can, but no, just wants to be here.
01/01/2012 at 12:03
Sounds to me like he's stuck in a rut - I mean what kind of person spends every evening on an internet forum !!
01/01/2012 at 13:19
Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
Divorce him and marry a runner


Dave, there arnt enough good looking male runners out there . for us girls to divorce our husbands and get new'running hubbys

mathschick, i had a similar thing whn i first started running. OH was already running and i think he thought i was joking whn i said i wanted to. he got the hump and said he wasnt doing it anymore . i think he thought i was trying to take his hobby away from him or something. then i explained i didnt actually WANT to run with him, i was quite happy to go it alone

we now take it in turns to have our 'run time slot' to fit in with daily life and childcare. like you i get up at crack of dawn now the nights are dark and go whilst miss llb and OH are asleep. today i was out at 7:30am for 20miles and back..then its his turn. i think there is always a slight thing with the male ego about not wanting wife/GF to be better/faster etc but he has accepted i run furthr than he can now and encourages me . so it can work out mathschick. just tell him you are doing your thing and he does his

01/01/2012 at 13:27
Emmy_bug wrote (see)

Now i'm training for london he's laughing at the aches and chafing pains saying "he doesnt want me to get hurt" "this really doesnt sound like it's doing me any good"..... and i'm like you - the more negative he is - the more determined I become.


emmy , i am the same. a year ago mr llb said he didnt think id run a HM. well, thats like a red rag to a bull with me. although i am doing this as a personal challenge ..there was that....' ok, watch this and eat ny dust' attitude from me. by March i was doing13miles at weekends, did 2 HMs and now am approaching a marathon and doing a 50 mile ultra in August......yeah, maybe i took my'watch this space' a little too far lol
01/01/2012 at 13:28

thank for all the support and advice! Must say, I am looking forward to going back to work and getting the routine back, now, OH has been off for most of the time that I have and I am started to feel cooped up and trapped now!

popsider wrote (see)
Sounds to me like he's stuck in a rut - I mean what kind of person spends every evening on an internet forum !!

lol!

01/01/2012 at 13:30

mathschick, they DO come around to the idea...honest. mr llb did have to eat humble pie when i beat his HM time.....they dont mean to be oppressive, and im sure he is just worried about you over the long term, injuries  etc it'll all come good.

02/01/2012 at 07:35
loulabell wrote (see)
Emmy_bug wrote (see)

Now i'm training for london he's laughing at the aches and chafing pains saying "he doesnt want me to get hurt" "this really doesnt sound like it's doing me any good"..... and i'm like you - the more negative he is - the more determined I become.


emmy , i am the same. a year ago mr llb said he didnt think id run a HM. well, thats like a red rag to a bull with me. although i am doing this as a personal challenge ..there was that....' ok, watch this and eat ny dust' attitude from me. by March i was doing13miles at weekends, did 2 HMs and now am approaching a marathon and doing a 50 mile ultra in August......yeah, maybe i took my'watch this space' a little too far lol

Thanks for the words of reassurance Loulabell. I'm the exact same. Running London has been a dream of mine for years now and it's "the" race that I want to do and by heck will I run it!

02/01/2012 at 08:57

"there arnt enough good looking male runners out there . for us girls to divorce our husbands and get new'running hubbys"

Oh I dunno laydeez, seek and ye shall find and all that ...<wiggles bum, preens>
Edited: 02/01/2012 at 08:58
02/01/2012 at 10:18

loulabell wrote (see)

 I dunno, I managed to find a new woman..... (and her guide dog is a great help when out running

Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
Divorce him and marry a runner


Dave, there arnt enough good looking male runners out there . for us girls to divorce our husbands and get new'running hubbys

Edited: 02/01/2012 at 10:19
02/01/2012 at 15:29
well we have had a chat today about what being supportive means! hopefully things will get a bit better....
02/01/2012 at 18:24
I hope things get better Mathschick
02/01/2012 at 23:36

You said he used to play football, but now does nothing?I'd guess he feels even if he wanted to get back into it, he might find it difficult to?

Either way, I'd say it sounds like its 50/50 between jealously of losing time with you, and jealousy of you doing something and him feeling like he can't.

I hope things work out for you, and you doesn't mean you have less time out running. The one advantage of long distance relationships is that my time out of work is mine alone, so I can't really relate, much, although the OH has only ever been to one of my races, which I did appreciate. However in general I don't see running as an activity we (have to) share.

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