I need a pass for next Tuesday pretty please as it's my OH's 65th birthday, I am sure a few glasses of champers will be drunk. I am the "designated driver" for his Saturday evening party so won't drink anything alcoholic then.
*writes out pass for Wolfie, dates it for next Tuesday and stamps with official stamp*
going out with a couple of mates tonight, not seen them in a while, i've pre-warned them i'm on the wagon so hopefully i won't succumb to the temptation to have a nice, nourishing pint of Guinness or a tasty Sierra Nevada pale ale. mmmmm.
Am sat here at home with husband and kiddies and work and school closed. Now seriously considering having a vino.....
you may have heard a thud, that was me falling off the wagon oh well, these things happen
still rolling along on the wagon, although yesterday was the most challenging of the month so far. Snow, work problems, family problems all accumalated to get me thinking wistfully of the booze aisle in the supermarket. But having to sort grandchildren and have them overnight helped the resolve somewhat!
Oh dear, I fell off good and proper last night. I also scoffed an enormous packet of kettle chips which is what always happens when the wine flows. I have woken up feeling bloated and have a dry mouth. Not nice but it has reminded me of why I should cut back ont he alcohol in the future.
Feeling rather disgusted with myself now. Have to pick myself back up and climb on board again, not bad I suppose for my first ever journey.
lowers tail gate to let wobblers back on
Not sure how long I will take it on to be honest I think I need to keep it up until I stop thinking about a drink when I am at home and bored. There are more helpful things to spend time pondering
I'm still on the wagon and as the days pass, I feel better and better about my decision. And better physically too.
I think maybe people have different aims. Being able to drink in moderation is admirable, but sometimes people just find they drink too often and want a break for a while. Which is good for body and for soul. But also, being able to drink in moderation means a glass of wine or bottle of beer can be a good way to let your worries go and relax for a little bit. No harm there.
For me the aim is to say goodbye for good. I have been fooling myself for years thinking I can drink in moderation, but in real life it's the alcohol that controls me, not the other way round. I would make up excuses to go to a shop knowing very well subconsciously that there's nothing I need from the shop but I just want to buy that bottle. Being a regular customer in the nearby asda, making sure I don't get the same person at the till so that they won't think I have a problem with drinking. If I went one Friday without a drink due to having to work, and a Saturday due to race, I would obsessively play catch up from Sunday afternoon, feeling rough and guilty on the Monday.... Being pissed off all day, might continue it on Monday and some nights mid week, not able to get out for a run in the morning, playing catch up with work and life in general.... just waiting for a weekend so I could make another excuse going to a shop....
It was on my mind ALL THE TIME.
When I quit smoking in 2007, I did it because I didnt want to smoke anymore. I had tried before but I enjoyed it too much. Before, it felt hard to quit something I enjoyed doing. Years passed and I started to dislike the smell, how it made me feel, the fact I couldnt breathe properly... I was just sick of it and I knew I NEVER wanted to smoke again. So I quit. And it was easy.
THAT'S the difference for me. It clicked in a Christmas party. I didnt like what alcohol did to me. Yes I enjoyed taste of wine and beer, how it made me feel.... but what came with it over weighed the enjoyment. And after having a conversation with a friend about quitting smoking, it just hit me. Easy. I don't want to quit drinking for a while. I want to quit. I know how it tastes like. I know what being tipsy feels like. I know what being so drunk feels like that I can't remember the events of conversations I've had with people. I know what hangover feels like. Minor one with a headache, dry mouth and a mind that just sits still unwilling to understand anything. A massive one where I can't stand up without feeling nauseous and sick, vomiting in the toilets at work, not being able to eat. Lying there helpless, feeling that all I want to do is to feel better, go for a run, breathe fresh air, have a peace in my head. I know what all that feels like. I have experienced it. And I choose not to feel like that again. It's not like a glass of wine now would bring me anything new. I just want to feel fresh and calm.
Oops. Long post!
Ellie, maybe you and I were separated at birth
Having said that, it's been many years since I got to the state of so hungover in the mornings that "A massive one where I can't stand up without feeling nauseus and sick, vomiting in the toilets at work, not being able to eat. Lying there helpless, feeling that all I want to do is to feel better,", but I have been there. I've kept what I kidded myself was control because my brother died in his 40s with liver failure through alcohol. He really had hit rock bottom, a talented musician with kids and a family ended his days in a Doss house busking for his brandy!
I don't drink spirits and usually stick to the red wine, but it was every night - every night. I would stop for months at a time when there was a reason (like marathon training), then just Friday and Saturday. Then a build up to every night over the next few months. As with you, I would be ending the work day with thoughts of the drink I would have with my evening meal, going to different supermarkets on the way home.
I have done the stop, then one day, build up, stop cycle many many times, maybe it's time now to say stop the cycle. Oh but I do like the taste and effect of a good red wine !!!!
Thanks for your post Elli. A lot of food for thought there. This is my final attempt at moderation and if this fails then its total abstinence. Stories like yours really help me to keep things in check.
Alcohol-free Cobra - I found this to be an acquired taste, it has a sort of aftertaste to it thats not pleasant to begin with. Erdinger is better as is Beck's Blue.
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