Parents of daughters, a question!

11 messages
05/07/2012 at 20:16

Maybe time for a general chat to them - possibly about body image / photoshopping of media photos.There is a good video by Dove (the soap people) about how an ordinary photo is morphed to look like the sort you see in adverts. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

There seems to be much more advertising for hair removal now than 10 years ago, could just be an experiment after seeing the JLo ad?

 

05/07/2012 at 20:43

My little one is seven and a half and is already asking lots of questions about being a "lady!"

I was worried at first as she seemed very keen on makeup, nails, etc, and I think she may have had a little go with my razor too.

I think a lot of it is just innocent curiosity. She is still very much a child in other ways, playing with dolls and being mad about animals and all that, so I'm not panicking over it too much. Well, not yet, anyway!

Dark Vader    pirate
05/07/2012 at 20:44

My 10 yr old cut a chunk out of her hair recently...  and one of the girls in her class has cut her entire fringe...  badly!   We just made a joke out if it..

I think at this age they are more body aware of the changes that are happening to them..  the school has done the sex education classes and told them about puberty etc...   they are growing up fast...

05/07/2012 at 21:13

this may not help much, but daughter turned 12 yesterday so is currently going through the whole body changing thing at the moment .... so being a modern bloke I have stepped up to the mark with my parental skills and promptly abdicated all responsibility for 'those chats' to my wife ..... sorry !!!

Edited: 05/07/2012 at 21:13
06/07/2012 at 09:25

Argh!  Boy is 14, Girl is 11.  Both are somewhere in the midst of 'changes'.  More for me it's been the boy questions, and many I didn't expect.  "Does it hurt?"  Being the classic one I remember about a year ago.  I never expected that one.  Do the changes hurt?  So being the caring father that I am I said it does if you nick yourself shaving.  I guess shaving is a bit more obvious with a boy, and it's one of the less embarassing things you have to go through - for me, that is, but from what I remember probably not for him.  I simply raise the subject sometimes, usually as a direct question, maybe "is there anything you want to talk/know/ask about?" with a bit of context like "how do your friends sound when they speak at the moment."  (I don't get direct about the more embarassing stuff for both of us, but work slowly up to it where possible, for my sake!)  I have no idea if I'm doing things right, but I believe that regular and not-too-serious questions, queries and conversation works.  Like running, if you start it early with the easy stuff, you're prepped for the harder stuff, and you can see good results!

Ooh, a training metaphor!    Bet I couldn't do that again! 

06/07/2012 at 10:17
Dream twister, but I'm sure when puberty does finally come they'll be there to answer your questions !
06/07/2012 at 10:41

KK, I'm a daughter of a parent if that helps.

I remember becomming aware of body hair at quite a young age and borrowing my mothers razor to shave my legs. My little sister did as well - there's only 14 months between us.

My mother told us that it's best not to shave as the hair grows back darker and thicker so we both stopped.

I think the conversation is worth having.

My mother used to leave books and magazines and other such stuff around when she thought we were at the stage when we wanted or needed to know. It helps to talk as well. sunday lunch was our big debate time. We could talk about anything and be very open. There were no taboo subjects.

Nicko. Hdau    pirate
07/07/2012 at 09:00

Twisted dreamer I would love to meet you. I have a few issues of my own I would like to take out on you.
My psychiatrist said the because of my issues he wouldn't let me among his group sessions as my aggression goes too deep. So I think a one to one session would do me the world of good.
Now you might think this is a threatening post agains't you. I myself don't care one flying fuck what you think. And I will find out who [sorry, what] you are.
So untill we finally meet, au revoir!

07/07/2012 at 09:23
KK, back to the original post.
Veet do a body lotion that lightens hair growth. It is designed for young girls 8-12 that really shouldn't be shaving,but are conscious of body hair. Perhaps a bottle could appear in the bathroom with a little post-it attached saying it's for them to use. You don't have to embarrass them by talking directly, but you have let them know you are 'listening' to them.
07/07/2012 at 09:36

Like Camillia I'm the daughter of parents too

I wish my mum had done what you are going with your girls. My mum (don't get me wrong) is great but we didn't talk about stuff I was just given "shots" of "advice" depending on her mood. I was forbidden to shave my legs so did it anyway in secret, cut myself and it was quite a severe cut on the back of my ankle. I associated growing up and my changing body with quite a bit of shame and secrecy - something I worked bloody hard at changing when I was a bit older.

I completely agree with Alybea and Camillia...and hope your girls know what a brilliant mum they have

Blisters    pirate
08/07/2012 at 12:15

Every person is an individual. Whether that's a person old enough to have their own children, or a child themselves. That means that every relationship between two people is unique. What communication technique works for one of my girls doesn't work for the other. My wife's relationship with each girl is different to mine. If you put the two kids together it's like putting cats in a bag.
(Of course all previous rules and preconceived ideas go out of the window when the wind changes direction. They are teens after all).

In our house it's not so much the issue of shaving leg hairs by the older daughter, it's the furry tide mark that she leaves in the bath. The younger one at 12 hasn't bothered with hair being a "problem" she much prefers to wind up her sister. 

Hairy leg problems are an opportunity for you as a parent KK to hone your relationship, especially the listening part. I don't know whether you're good at it or not, I've not asked your children. I'm saying this because the hairy leg thing really doesn't matter. With my elder daughter we have gone through much more in the way of challenge:
-age 13/14 and all the peer group girls trying sex for the first time.
-experimenting with wrist marking/cutting
-not eating properly for days
The funny thing is that she is a happy, healthy, mentally stable, fit, tall, pretty creature. She tinks that she's inwardly insecure, but that's just teen times.


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