Peter Kay Jokes Part 2

13 messages
06/06/2003 at 10:45
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
> > > >
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
> > > >
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
> > > >
Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
> > > >
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
> > > >
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
> > > >
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
> > > >
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
> > > >
A seal walks into a club...
> > > >
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his
arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
> > > >
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."
> > > >
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
> > > >
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
> > > >
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
06/06/2003 at 11:14
Two hydrogen atoms chatting in a bar..

'I think I've lost an electron' said one
'Are you sure?' said the other
'Yes, I'm positive.'
06/06/2003 at 11:28

I've just had to explain to someone who works for me what seal clubbing is....

06/06/2003 at 11:47
now that IS sad.
cns
06/06/2003 at 11:49
hmmmmm i'm sure peter kaye would be more original than that?
06/06/2003 at 12:24
eemmmmmmm,.................wot IS seal clubbing?
06/06/2003 at 12:28

Try this link:

http://cobweb.quantisci.co.uk/hmhb/records/lyrics/DHSSlyr.htm



cns
06/06/2003 at 12:42
whaat on earth is that Mr A?
06/06/2003 at 13:05
I once tried to date a girl with precognition. She dumped me before we met.
06/06/2003 at 14:04

cns - Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics for the song "Sealclubbing".
06/06/2003 at 15:42
Hooray - another HMHB fan!!!
06/06/2003 at 16:43
don't you mean the other HMHB fan?
07/06/2003 at 04:21
I believe Len ganley is a fan.

If you have to ask...........

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