Relationships and a disapproving OH?

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01/07/2012 at 19:56

Things are not looking rosy and I have no one to speak to.

I've been with my OH for a little under a year. He was quite enthusiastic about the fact I was "sporty" but now things are going downhill and I don't know how to deal with his disapproving attitude. Snide remarks etc about training and making races.

How do you cope if your partner isn't keen on the amount of time you take out for sports and events? Where do you draw the line with compromise?

Is training 5 days a week and running the occasional event every couple of months really too much?

Reassurance that I'm not a nutcase is needed.

01/07/2012 at 20:04
You're not a nut case!

My partner and I have completely different hobbies: I'm in a band and run, she is an artist and likes to visit 500000 art galleries in every single available minute of her time. Best to accept the person for who they are, and if they are happy doing what they do, then surely you want them to carry on doing that because you want them to be happy.

My partner rolls her eyes and feels like she is taking a child to it's weekly activities when she comes to see me race/ watch another gig. But she comes and sees me race and encourages me to run.

And I, when we on holiday, will sit in a cafe after the 4th or 5th gallery of the day. and roll my eyes if she suggests another gallery, but I'll accompany her and try and be interested.

Compromise means accepting the person for who they are, not trying to change them. And that goes both ways.



What snide comments does he make? Have you both sat down and spoke about it?
Edited: 01/07/2012 at 20:05
01/07/2012 at 20:20

You are asking complete strangers how you should deal with a relationship issue because you feel you cant speak to the person your having the relationship with.?

You are a nutcase

Little under a year and communication is already a problem what are you going to do 3, 5,  7 ,10 years down the line?

Dump each other for both your sakes.

As you for you Kaffeeg. You and yours stop rolling your eyes and realise your both artists with different arts. Both driven by a pursuit of your passions.

Consider yourselves blessed

Go in peace

 

 

Edited: 01/07/2012 at 20:21
01/07/2012 at 20:23
You come across as quite a young person...get rid now and save yourself a few wasted years, sounds a bit possessive and insecure. How can any bloke not want a fit healthy girlfriend? He should be loving it.
01/07/2012 at 20:51
Stephen e forde: thank you, yes I know! Was trying to say: live and let live!

Maybe the OP and their boyfriend just need to work on accepting each other and talking.
Or maybe not and dump him and move on.

Who knows.
01/07/2012 at 21:53
Agree with kafeeg and stephen. You're a nutcase. Nutcase!!!
01/07/2012 at 22:19
Hang on, I said 'not' a nut case. Don't be trying to get me involved in your people bating.
01/07/2012 at 22:23
oh yeah. i just saw nutcase
01/07/2012 at 22:27

He might not realise he's doing it in which case you probably need to tell him - or maybe he just feels a bit left out and this is his hamfisted way of signalling it.  

Not everyone is a great communicator so I don't think it's necessarily a reason to dump him (and it might be both of you not just him) - but if he's possessive then definitely get rid because that will always cause problems.

 

01/07/2012 at 22:45

first loser, did you do that level of training before you met the boyfriend, or has it ramped up since meeting him?

If it's the former, he can't really complain, as he'd have known it from the start. If it's the latter, i can undertstand his attitude a little, as it'd feel like it's coming before him.

how much training do you do on thoe 5 days out of interest? i want to get a handle on whether it's a relatively light say 25miles a week, 40mins a day job, or full on doubles, high mileage etc

02/07/2012 at 01:02

I love the peace 'n' quiet I get when my Missis is away on a training run, and the odd weekend she disapears with her running club to run Man Versus Horse, or the Snodonia Marathon is bliss; me and the Little Un' get kebabs to eat and stay up late and watch DVDs.

Class.

I can't understand any bloke who gets upset with their Missis running, though it seems to be a common theme at Wor Lass's running club with some of the non-running husbands.

Maybe it's because of all the affairs that go on up there?

02/07/2012 at 01:03

Hey, it's better than ruddy shopping isn't it? 

02/07/2012 at 07:53

To the OP- does he want to join in? Does he have another hobby that he wants to pursue? Surely he has to accept that you have your own life too. Don't restrict yourself on his behalf, (unless you want to), that way lies resentment, which will wreck any relationship.

Bionic Ironwolf    pirate
02/07/2012 at 08:09

I was married long long ago to a very jealous possessive man who knew running was my hobby but he made such a fuss about it (and his mother, who thought it not lady-like) that for two years I gave it up and was miserable. Of course there were other things that caused our break-up too, for instance everything had to be done to please ma-in-law, and he would check up on me at work, if I was not at my desk he demanded to know where I had been - but it taught me to stand up for myself. I divorced him after two years and shortly after found my soul-mate who I have been with since 1973 and happily married to since 1980. Talk to your OH and find out what the underlying problem is- if you cannot work things out to satisfy both of you, you know what to do. Whatever happens, do not give up your sport, that will only make you unhappy.

Edited: 02/07/2012 at 08:12
02/07/2012 at 08:12

I'd agree with kaffeeg and Stephen. You need to accept each other and if he cant do that - then he's deadweight. You can't stop being who you are because someone doesnt like it.

My hubby doesnt really understand my running. He will sometimes run the occasional 10k race and sometimes come out for a run but he'd much rather be playing games or playing volleyball. He can't understand wanting to run for that long when a car is perfectly able to do it in a shorter time.... but he has never once stopped me going out for a run.

I'd talk to him about it. Tell him how you're feeling. If you can't communicate - you've already lost the war rather than the battle.

02/07/2012 at 10:08

Talk to him, far more useful than talking to us. 

But some people are threatened, people like "sporty", they don't like driven and self-reliant. For me running became my emotional release and my ex-OH stopped feeling like I needed him for that.

And unfortunately Mr Puffy is wrong, not everyone likes a fit, healthy girlfriend.

02/07/2012 at 10:20

Could be difficult to talk to the guy. There's the element of confrontation for a start. There should be a 'go between' service for this sort of thing.

02/07/2012 at 11:08

FL, you sound like a very nice lady and it seems to me that you need a chap who's indulgent of your training. Shouldn't be an issue as long as you're not faster than he is, or not much faster I suppose.

So we need to know what your current pb's are.

<heads off to get showered and shaved, dig out a half-decent jacket and generally smarten myself up>

02/07/2012 at 11:37

Stephen E Forde - It is discussed regularly. Sometimes however, it takes it's toll trying to speak to someone who doesn't share the same interest and a little bit of outside opinion can work wonders on perspective.

Stevie G - Hitting 40 miles a week running. 25 miles biking and gym sessions inbetween, plus a 35 hour work/Uni week. And yes, I've always spent roughly the same amount of time on training.

Apologies for causing a fuss, I guess I just wandered if it were typical behaviour.

I made the suggestion of him coming a long to a race event with his mates to see what the fuss is all about, thought it might help.

It didn't.

The end is nigh, it would seem.  

 

 

02/07/2012 at 12:01

Oh FL...from what you've said you sound too bloody good for him! And you haven't caused a fuss! Really hope you're ok chick.

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