...where he was given the freedom of the city of Sheffield, which gives him to right to graze his...
As he looked up, the dwarf like figure whispered Mo, it's Leia she is your sister
in crime, yes you were born a woman. Now here are the keys to the safe, go and recover the...
the piece of toast I left when the zorbs returned from ..................................
hell with a garden gnome with flashing eyes, horns and a gigantic penis.
The toast was burnt too but it holds a secret, it's just figuring it out that's the problem. The place to start is in the jelly isle at the local Tesco.
Where the face of christ had been found on an oak leaf carried in on the jelly isle cleaners imitation crocs.
After reporting the cleaner for inappropriate footwear, he took the leaf to the forest via the drive through in Maccy D's.
He held the leaf up into a beam of sunlight deep deep in the forest and discovered he'd actually eaten the leaf and was holding up the gherkin from his burger instead.
What to do now?
Switch on the ipod and go for a full 17 mile marathon to prove he was a real runner
He was a bit surprised when his leg fell off at mile 5.
Not only surprised.. but annoyed.. that No More Nails had cost him £6.99 at B&Q.. so.. with a limp and holding his leg, he decided it was time to change his life... no more complaining.. this time he was going to become something special.....
His chosen future is.....
as a woman
to commit the perfect crime without using forceps or the small selection of smurf models he got from a petrol station years ago.
... or maybe, he thought, he could become a physicist and conduct experiments in a lab... he did get o level physics and still has his white lab coat from school...
He pondered what his first experiment might be.....
...then heard the Blue Peter theme and a somebody saying " this is one that was prepared earlier" his jaw dropped and there before him was......
a chocolate spaceship
...came flying down and out jumped a lady shouting "Mr Grey get the whips and chains out!" whilst wearing a sombrero...
is culturally a major faux pas, the main charater of this story (whose name is unclear at this point) decided to eat the chocolate spaceship as he was at this time (luncheon) feeling rather pekish...
and still female
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