Runner's World novel.

Which is a very strange question for a duck.

...to which a voice boomed out loud "wear the orange shorts..."

...............with the Wonderbra and the wellies"

Meanwhile the Rev Pat had been working all night, you could tell by the surgical loops perched sat at the end of his nose. He had already taken breakfast at Pax next to Central Park and completed a 20 mile recovery run at 5 min miling through the park because he was a real runner. Now he was sat on a bench eating jello staring at Trump Tower with bright eyes. Had he really heard a reference last night to "illuminous shit" this could go big time in night time USA if it hit the fan. The environmental possibilities were endless (Facebook eat your heart out). The Man in the tower would understand........

..although mere mortals would just wander by in a confussed daze. So what? To usurp the fabric of society, rip apart it's benign moral codes and chew them up without hesitation before anyone could say "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" let alone spell it, would be a coup among all coups. (which isn't somewhere where you keep chickens btw)...

But he did keep chickens as he had a small holding of which he was very..................

jealous. The living standards of the animals far exceeded the squalor in which he resided. Despite his wealth he found that he felt compelled to keep every item that came into his possession. As such, his million pound mansion was stuffed to the gills with empty milk bottles (the milkman was not happy...), a tower of cardboard tubes from long gone toilet rolls and a veritable mountain of receipts from his weekly Tesco grocery shopping. His greatest fear was that one day he would be crushed to death by the weight of....................

the piles of newspapers, junk mail and cardboard which he told his manservant Clifford he was saving for recycling. This of course, was a lie. Clifford and the other staff knew only too well the recycling came fortnightly for paper and cardboard; that amount far exceeded 2 week's worth. Moreover, Clifford recognised the signs of a serial hoarder since his time in...........

his expectations - ever since he was a little girl the pressure had mounted and since the operation he felt that he was likely to blow apart. Being a transgender boy wizard was just not what he thought it would ...............................................

be,but then again it could be worse....

At least he never had a bad hair day, being bald and all that. His collection of wigs and hats, for the days when a wig was too much, was second to none. What's more he still had a full collection of 1982 Texaco tiger tokens.

The collection was his pride and joy. A business rival had once offered to exchange the set in return for a night of passion with his comely wife, and whilst he was very tempted the thought of giving up the Texaco tiger tokens was simply too much to bear. Jocelyn, the wife, had been most displeased at his rebuttal, for she had always...

felt somewhat neglected. Well one would wouldn't one when one comes second to little piecec of paper with a redemmable value of 0.0001p. Though that wasn't the worst part, it was his, extreme lack of interest in anythig in the bedroom department that really...

fuelled her desire for Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson, the way he had an...................

answer for all environmental campaigner's concerns was breathtaking. And that most of them involved burning fossil fuels and culling badgers... well, she could barely contain herself on a Sunday night. Her husband forbade her from watching Dave on the freeview box, because whenever she did the household stock of batteries was soon depleted. Why, one time..............

the mere-est mention of James May, got her in to such an aroused state she couldn't but help to sate her needs on the very spot ..... whilst being a Top Gear fan himself the Tesco Store manager still handed her a lifetime ban , which meant she had to ....

dress up in disguise whenever she did the weekly shop. This turned out to be great fun, by now she has amassed a great and wide varity of costumes so that not only does she hire herself out as a kissagram but also has a neat line in...

.... civil war re-enactments, however after a couple of booking mix-ups ...

she found herself dressed as an SS storm trooper and detained at the Polish border where she had gone to try and find work as a builder.......................