Runner's World novel.

that with immediate effect he would be accepted as a contestant on the UK version of I'm a Celebrity, knowing that he would be taken and parachuted screaming and shouting into the Australian Jungle where he would meet..................

Ant and Dec, thus giving him the perfect opportunity to complete the mission for which he had been trained all those years ago. "Kill Ant and Dec". The words had been whispered to him by a frail old man, the stranger's face contorted in agony as he died from the radiation poisoning he had endured on his trip back in time. But it had been necessary. He had been the last hope. In a world full of z-list celebrities, all of whom infected with the dreaded X-Factor, it had fallen to him to save humanity.

"Kill Ant and Dec." The words had reverberated in Bob's (for that was his name) head for years. And now, in the Australian jungle, he would have his chance at last............

to eat earthworms and maggots and bathe in a muddy pit of putrid stench. Ant and dec would have to wait. Lets face it, they weren't going anywhere were they?

Indeed they were not because the area of the square on the hypotenuse was equal to the sum of the area of the squares on the other two sides, at least that is what Mr P ...

had always been told, although not quite in those terms. He had his suspicions though. It was just another lie that the Bourgeoisie used to suppress the workforce. And one day he would convince others of the fact and they would rise up, as one, and a glorious new age of liberated triangles would reign supreme.

Mr. P smiled to himself, and re-adjusted his.......................

.. electronic tag, which was a constant reminder of his last assassination mission, which unfortunately had ended in failure ... he often thought that the judges had convicted him BECAUSE he had failed and the world was still infected by hideous McCartney and his offspring ... one day he mused ... one day .... however his reverie was suddenly broken by ..

....polygon and proceeding to find a three point bearing for himself as he was quickly losing all sense of time and place, Oh...... 

Rickster wrote (see)

Let's write a novel. Each add a bit to it. I'll start it off.

Once upon a time...

Groundhog Day...........

... no I have managed to get a grip on the edge of the White Cliffs of Dover and somewhere over the rainbow skies are bloooooooooo.........

However, that's over the rainbow and this isn't. Here skies are black because it's night and that's what happens at night. Sky the colour of an old fashioned chalk board upon which some illiterate has scrawled...

just to get some attention for himself - who knows why, perhaps he can't get a girlfriend, perhaps he can but is struggling to come to terms with his homosexual feelings towards his friends brother or perhaps he has been flung back from some far distant galaxy through a wormhole in space or perhaps........................

...he is Ismail Iceberg pushing his way through the throng of morning rush hour dispensing his usual pleasantries of "Shalom" and "Shmuck" and curious why the gentiles always reply "Aye! Aye!". He was keeping his latest masterpiece under his hat as he fully expected it to replace the BBC theme for the VPL, that jingoistic 302 Squadron. He hummed to himself

"Bring me my Ipods of desire...........Bring me my running shoes of fire.................. Till we have built Marathon in England's green and pleasant land. 

He even nurtured the thought of Last Night at the Proms! Anything so long as they left his beloved Jerusalem where it was.

Not many people knew it, but he was incredibly fond of artichokes. Not those globe ones though, only the Jerusalem variety. Roasted with a bit of suckling pig, there mere thought of it had him salivating. And salivating in public wasn't a good idea ever since the outbreak of rabies had claimed Widow Winderfield. He looked around furtively, and wiped the saliva from his mouth. Had anyone noticed?................

Only Shortfuse Shorty who did not get that moniker by accident but was given him by his mother to commemorate his birth. He yelled at Ismail in Italian "Pourquoi? only to hear it reverberate around him irritatingly translated to the French "Perche". Before Ismail could respond a great sow appeared looking at him accusingly..........

as he tucked into a pork sausage, still his favourite delicacy despite his now legendary penchant for salivating in public, I wonder he thought scratching himself, will Terry and June be on Gold this evening or are they still repeating Sykes - there was only one way to find out, he rolled up his trousers and climbed aboard his................

bath yacht. He reached for his cockeled copy of the TV times and thunbed through to the right page. Poo bum and bollox, he'd missed it! Still, if he was lucky he'd find himself one of those damn diggly angles things and hotwire the thing to take him back in time so he could watch the whole series on one of those old fashioned tube thingies. Right, peanuts...

donkey. It sagged beneath his considerable weight, and what little remained of it's dignity slipped away into the ether. The donkey stared morosely at the dusty ground and sighed dejectedly. Today, it decided, would be the day. Come nightfall, it would all be over.................

... so with his fate now decided Peanuts the donkey (see what i did there) pondered on how he would spend these final few hours ... 

how could a donkey spend his last hours on this mortal coil,  As he pondered, there was a whisper in the background - pssst he heard his name called "Peanuts, over here" he looked and saw a raggedy dressed man with long flowing hair and a beard, his feet were encased in sandles and he was asking for a ride as far as Jerusalem - oh no not again thought Peanuts but the man was insistant so off he went trundling alon and thinking of his cousin Dominic I wonder where he...................................

put the marmite, I could right fancy a cheese and marmite sandwhich right now. he thought to himself. As it was with his current burden it probably wouldn't be wise to ask for bread, or water for that matter, what he did to water was anybodies guess, probably pissed in it, or bathed in it. Something like that anyway, it certainly wasn't fit for a donkey to drink. Oh we're here...