Running after a break-up

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05/12/2002 at 20:46
Hi all,

I met met my wife to be in Majorca in 1984, I was living in Leeds she lived in the north east, well she didnt want to move so I got a job in the NE and moved up and got married in 1986.
I had a lot of good friends in Leeds but after all this time I have lost contact with nearly all of them.
My wife was a bit possesive and we never went out much so never made friends apart from the friends I had at work, and she didnt like them.
Well the last 5 years of the marriage were a bit rocky to say the least (she could be very violent, in fact towards the end she turned into a nasty piece of work) and she left me for someone she met from a newspaper add 28 months ago, leaving me with the 2 girls.
4 months after she left us my youngest daughter went to live with her mam, my eldest wanted to stop with me as she didnt get on with her mother.
Well the divorce came through 23 months ago and I have been on my own with my eldest daughter ever since. During all this my mam died and I lost my job, as I said earlier I let myself go and took to the drink.
Now thanks to running my life is a lot better, both in body and mind, and I have all but stopped the drinking. I am still on my own but my 15 year daughter keeps me on my toes, and I have my 7 year old every other weekend, thank God for my daughters the best think to come out of my marriage.

Whoops gone on a bit, sorry,
thanks for listening, hope it all makes sense.

Happy running, Gaz...........
05/12/2002 at 20:57
No, not at all.

I gave up running the first time just after meeting my ex in what began as a very intense relationship. In itself this was not an issue because I had had a period of running too seriously and wanted to broaden out but I did lose a very important source of stress relief - fine whilst a student but not once in a job. When I tried to take it up again, my ex didnt like the fact that I could pull myself away from her and I began to feel guilty every time I went out. Once a child came along this was exaggerated.

Twelve years into the relationship we split for all sorts of reasons. At first I tried the booze/clubbing way of coping (well, forgetting) but this left me overweight, incredibly tired, not happy and had almost gotten me into trouble at work.

So in the summer I decided to get fit. Running was not intended at that point but I found the treadmill the easiest of the gym machines so thought I would have a go at an outside run. I just about covered 1 1/2 miles the first time out and my legs creeked a little but it was more fun than being inside. Within three weeks I had joined a friendly small club and have spent the last three months getting considerably fitter and now do about 20 miles a week.

I suppose a danger might be chasing times like your ex but I am determined to keep it as a form of getting out, weight control and stress relief (my job is one I have to take home, so running gets me away from it). I would have to work very hard to get any P.B'S, so that is out of the question as my current occupation does not leave me with that much energy!

It's just nice to have something to do that is healthy, relatively cheap (important after a divorce) and leaves me feeling better the next morning rather than much worse. Its also familiar somehow. Because it makes me happier, I am more content to be single, which is a further bonus.

06/12/2002 at 00:26
Gaz and S_A respect to you both. I am very pished, but i can say one thing... enjoy what you do... I started running last year and it has kept me sane and not sober...but i'm proud of you both..

big pub, old friends, no smoke

if you know what i mean...
06/12/2002 at 00:47
Not sure i should post here but running and cycling have always been the best forms of escapism i've found

-not jaded, not opinionated, just normal,
do what you do.
06/12/2002 at 14:09
Cheers Godzilla,

Just, thanks for being there.....

Enjoy life.....

10/12/2002 at 23:21
How about running during a breakup?

I'm just separated from my wife, and if I wasn't running I don't know where I'd be.

Self esteem, control, escapism and it's keeping me sane and from becoming an alchoholic!!!

It also helps put things into perspective.

Looking on the bright side I'm blowing pb's away on a regular basis!
11/12/2002 at 22:10
I split from my girlfriend in the summer, the running just got better and better...It was a great way to focus your mind and body, put all of your energy into something you believe in and that you have control of....Not many things you can say that of.....End result, I am now runnimg the best pre-London training EVER!!!! Why? Because I want to and I can....Upon reflection, I gave up a lot for the relationship..I don't regret it but I maximise the opportunity now! Anything you have ever wanted to do, write it down and do it! Really! Do it! Self esteem, confidence, sense of well being, positive aura, you'll be amazed!!!!
Good luck's a jungle out there.....

One piece of advice I have been givem and I remember very little but this is it....Don't ever frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile!
11/12/2002 at 22:23
Thanks for so being so brave guys and sharing your experiences. Running is a funny thing because it DOES change your life. You start unfit and lacking in confidence and then you start to improve. Do you remember the first time you actualy overtake the guy delivering the letters.

You're experiences are realy helpful, especially for those of us too ready to delve in to the evil world of alchohol dependance.

Good luck, keep running and meet up soon.

Cheers guys, you've got is sorted, spread the gospel
12/12/2002 at 00:06
Running really does change the way you look at a) yourself, and b) the rest of the world. I was a complete couch potato. I did NOTHING. My brother is plays Aussie Rules and has several British caps, and I have a sister who has opened for Oxford University. Suddenly I'm the one doing marathons and triathlons around the world. My self-esteem has sky-rocketed, and my social life has increased by an order of magnitude. People are drawn to those who are confident and excited about life, and exercise is an ideal way to get to that state.

I'm not sure what I'm really trying to say. I'm certainly not trying to boast. (I'm single, for starters). I guess I just want to echo BK's thanks to those who have posted on this thread.

Cheers, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and live (and run) well,

Big Bopper.
12/12/2002 at 09:28
Big Bopper
You're sister opened for Oxford ? Opened what exactly ? Oooer err Missus !!

Seriously though it's clear from reading this thread that many of us have gone through and are going through some difficult times. About four years ago I had a similar experience. I was so unhappy I really did not feel deep down inside that I would ever be able to genuinely smile again. It hurt. I did not have a good nights sleep for months and months. The best advice I got at that time was from my brother who advised me to take some quality time each day just for myself. Even if it was just going for a cappucino or something simple like that. A moment which was just mine and I could look forward to. It really helped believe me.

What is clear from this thread is that running helps as both focus and stress relief and this running forum giving some of you the opportunity to talk openly and candidly about your experiences. So that can't be bad can it.
There is light at the end of the tunnel just like there is a finish to the end of every run you do. To finish a run takes strength, courage and discipline, a bit like life really I suppose.
I hope this makes sense. Lift your heads up high and be proud.

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