Running and new relationships

How do you handle it?

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nom
22/08/2009 at 15:31

I'm aware I'm going into a bit of a posting frenzy after my long absence, but I promise this will be my last new topic post!!

I recently started seeing a new guy (this is where we all cheer and do a little happy dance). We were dating for about a month or so and got together officially about 5 weeks ago (although he's been on holiday abroad for 2 of those, lol).

As per my last post,  havent been able to exercise for that period of time as I had an operation. I'm just starting to get back into light exercise now (at the gym, pah), but nothing heavy and nothing impact based. However, as I get into marathon training that isobviously going to change. I'm buying a bike tomorrow and am going to start commuting into work, which will help a bit, and then I can start getting back into running properly (I just started a run walk programme that I am going to be taking slowly for the next few weeks as I want to be sensible).

However, my boyfriend is the kind of guy who wouldn't run 50m for a bus, let alone any kind of seriosu exercise! He loves eating out, etc, etc. Since he lives only 20 mins away, and we work in the same building, we have got into the habit of meeting after work and going for dinner, or going out, or meeting up later in the evening. 

This is all a long winded way of saying how do you guys balance having a relationship with someone who utterly is not interested in sport (but supportive none the less) and training for something serious, like a marathon, or triathlon (I would quite like to try for the Vit next September). I'm worried how to fit everything in, and spending time with my boyfriend. My last boyfriend was a long distance relationship, so it didn't matter what I did most of the time, as we were both busy and saw each other every month or so (so I could basically run whenever I felt like it/wanted to).

Any advice is really gratefully received. 

22/08/2009 at 15:39
Dump him.
nom
22/08/2009 at 15:42
lol!!! why?!?!
22/08/2009 at 15:42

Is he just uninterested or is he unwilling to give you the space to train. If it is the latter then there is a problem, if it is the former then depending how needy of support you are you may well be fine.
Nicko. Hdau    pirate
22/08/2009 at 15:44
Cos he doesn't exercise and will only be able to make love for 2 mins.
22/08/2009 at 16:00

Nom - you're in a new relationship, and so it will take a bit of settling into no doubt, as you both become used to each other. However, you can't just sideline what you enjoy for the sake of this guy. Let him know what your training plans are, just get on and do it, keep a routine on this, you have your own life, and if he starts to be resentful about you exercising then you know what to do! You only live once remember, and if he's not grateful to be with you and loves you enough then there's plenty of others to go at whilst you're still young enough.

And surely you don't want to end up a proper porker, which is how he'll be soon if he doesn't do any exercise?!

nom
22/08/2009 at 16:02

lol!!! No it's not that he isn't supportive, it's just that he has no personal interest in it at all. Like my utter lack of interest in things like football or cricket.

I'm not that needy for support, I was running long before I met this guy. But there must be other people who have figured out how to enjoy running as much as they need to, as well as spending time with a partner who doesn't share the interest?

Also, in the bedroom department, that's not an issue... 

22/08/2009 at 16:10

It'll never last, he'll eventually get bored, been there, done it, got  the t shirt,  dump him.

I'll text him for you. if you want  

Edited: 22/08/2009 at 16:12
22/08/2009 at 16:13
Like my hubby - he's a golfer, hates running. He's still out there now, and tomorrow morning he'll be doing other things whilst I'm off on my long run. I know we've been together a long time, but surely that's what life is all about - doing what you enjoy but not living in each others pockets all the time, if you know what I mean. He does come and watch me running sometimes if there's something nearby to keep him interested till I cross the finishing line, and I'll happily sit and watch a bit of footie or golf with him on telly, provided i've got a good mag to read. Think you're a bit more in the early stages of being 'in lurrrve' with him than someone like me in a very very long relationship, so I'm probably not the right person to comment, so I'll shut up! All the best for your future together though.
22/08/2009 at 16:15

Hello nom

Some people say its healthy for the relationship if both partners have different hobbies/interests.My goodself, have an interest in running,doing half and full marathons and of course,football.My lass has a massive interest in horses,showjumping etc.Also the bairn takes part in showjumping,so the both of them are out the house just about every day of the week.When we're together we've always got loads to tell each other.

All the best

M...eldy    pirate
22/08/2009 at 16:31
No idea .. wouldnt mind an old or a new relationship  
22/08/2009 at 16:47
Dump him, he already sounds like a couch potato
22/08/2009 at 17:07
Shouldn't be a problem - maybe best to let him know early on that you are committed to doing some triathlon though as that is likely to be more time consuming and some people might resent it.    My partner runs and it doesn't bother me - though I do sometimes have to resist asking why she still can't break 3.45 for a marathon !
22/08/2009 at 17:20

I recently started seeing a new guy. We were dating for about a month or so and got together officially about 5 weeks ago.

Also, in the bedroom department, that's not an issue... 

Hussey!!

22/08/2009 at 18:26

>> This is all a long winded way of saying how do you guys balance having a relationship with someone who utterly is not interested in sport (but supportive none the less) and training for something serious, like a marathon, or triathlon (I would quite like to try for the Vit next September).

Give him a handful of gels, bottles of water and a flag and tell him to meet you at each mile marker!

More seriously you just need to be open with him about what to expect both in terms of training and of your committment. Once you are out of the "teen lurve" phase you should be able to give each other enough space to pursue your own interests anyway.

Edited: 22/08/2009 at 18:28
22/08/2009 at 19:51

my new BF knows he is a poor, erm, about 10th to all the important things in my life  

 seriously though, I have started as I mean to go on, and that is I want my time and he has his own interests as well. think it's healthy and you need to make it clear from the start that your training is important to you and it's not that you dont 'want to see him etc but you have to have time to do your training

23/08/2009 at 11:09
Richard_R wrote (see)

Give him a handful of gels, bottles of water and a flag and tell him to meet you at each mile marker!


And if he still fancies you when he sees what you look like at the end of a run - hang on to him!
23/08/2009 at 11:47

HAHAHA, I'm with the Rodent on this one

Nom, I'm in a very similar situation to you. My bf would rather miss the bus than run for it - given that he doesn't like Funeral For a Friend either, people often wonder how we've even got this far

We're currently doing the long distance thing but will soon be living a lot closer together. He has his own interests and is very encouraging of mine, so even when we're in closer proximity we probably won't spend a great deal of time together - that said, we are aiming for more than present and I'll be adjusting my training to fit into that. Nothing drastic, maybe running in the morning before work, or going to the gym straight after to leave a few more evenings free.

The crucial thing here is compromise. You don't want to alter your entire routine to fit around this guy, but at the same time being completely unbending would negate the point of being in a relationship. It's important that both of your needs are being met, and also that these needs are similar enough to make that possible. If one of you likes a lot of their own space and the other is very clingy, it's always going to be difficult.  

Edited: 23/08/2009 at 11:47
25/08/2009 at 11:01

You could draft out a training plan, and discuss it together to make sure it doesn't impact TOO much on your shared time.  If he sees ahead of time that you will be going on 3 hour runs on a Sunday morning, he won't be upset when you're not around, especially if you have a nice pub lunch to look forward to afterwards. 

 He may even be glad to know that he has his own "me" time too - I know that I have sometimes found in relationships that even though you love spending lots of time with the new guy, you still need the odd few hours to pluck your eyebrows,  iron your knickers, and tidy the understairs cupboards (or whatever floats your personal boat).  It can be difficult to be the first one in a new relationship who says "er, can we not see each other tonight" - at least this way it can't be construed as not wanting to see him.

25/08/2009 at 11:26

Hi Nom, as has been said above - compromise!  You don't want to live in each others pockets.

I'm in a relatively new relationship (3 months), although he also enjoys running and sometimes we train together, he also plays football and goes to the match most Saturdays. That's good, it means I can see my mam or my sister, or have lunch with friends, or go to the hairdressers, or do a three hour run or whatever. Compromise - he plays football til late some weeknights so I won't see him til after half nine, but then I left him in bed at 5.45am this morning to get a training run in before work. We still see more than enough of each other, if he has to wait around for me after a run he has the promise of us getting a bath together to look forward to

You could always keep one day or evening free, which would be a rest day anyway, where you both do something together, go for a meal, see a film, night in, etc?

And like Running Rodent says - if he isn't put off by what you look like post-run, keep him!

Good luck with your marathon training, which one are you doing?

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