Staying in contact with your ex partners.

Can that ever work?

41 to 60 of 76 messages
25/10/2011 at 23:50

I'm too laid back to have any issues with any of my friends, be they ex's or not. It seems such a waste of energy to harbour grudges. I suppose the secret is to realise that all relationships go through stages and to realise what stage that relationship is at. Sometimes it's full on sometimes it's just friends. I think we can put too much pressure on ourselves to be in a relationship, or define what that relationship is or should be. Just live your life. 

I'm friends with all my ex's, some of them occasionally more than friends. A couple of them have been nasty to me, but then people are people and they do things for strange reasons. One girl I went out with three times for a year or more each time.

26/10/2011 at 09:56
LIVERBIRD wrote (see)

She doesn't like me talking to him at all now she's discovered we went out when we were teenagers. I obviously want him back because he's such a catch..... not.


I do wonder about people who get so hung up on their partner's exes.  They must be very, very insecure.

That's what I couldn't understand about the John Terry thing - he was having an affair (which is damn pretty bad), but it seemed to be somehow worse because he was having an affair with his team-mate's EX girlfriend?  Why is that?

26/10/2011 at 10:02

WIth my last ex, his new girlfriend made sure that i was invited to a party just to tell me to my face that "he was hers now and I couldnt have him back". When i reminded her that I hadnt spoken to this guy in over 6 months and had no intention to - she gave me a smirk and said "keep it that way".

I was astounded that someone would go to such an effort to stake her claim. I did feel like asking if she had peed on him as well to mark her property....

Nam
26/10/2011 at 10:05

I think many women prefer to demonise other women instead of acknowledging that their current partner loved someone before them...  When men have affairs, there is often the assumption that the evil single vixen seduced the hapless married father of three who just couldn't help themselves... bla bla.

Some people also like to re-write history and make it out like everything was her fault and never his.  Sometimes that may be the case, but quite often it's just a way of bending the past to fit your current world view.  Not being able to take an honest and objective view of a person or situation, yes I guess a lot of that would be down to insecurity.

Edited: 26/10/2011 at 10:05
Nam
26/10/2011 at 10:07
Emmy_bug wrote (see)

I did feel like asking if she had peed on him as well to mark her property....


HAHAHAHA  you should have!!!!!
kittenkat    pirate
26/10/2011 at 10:12
Peter Collins wrote (see)
I used to go out with some Scouse bird who likes to pretend she's being nice but is really being superior. She didn't speak to me for 15 years because she 'went up in the world'. She thinks my wife is a barmpot, but is rude to her on facebook and condescends to speak to me only when she wants to be reminded of her youth. I recommend keeping clear of ex's.
Ha ha, don't apologise, that was funny!
26/10/2011 at 10:13

I had a run in with his ex. She'd left him, but once she found out about me, she turned up again. Showed up at his house, followed us home, that sort of thing. Told H that she'd either run me over or drive off a bridge. Guess which I'd rather she did  We were in the same university department, and she started bad mouthing me. Fortunately, no-one believed the rot she was spouting, and she discovered how little she was regarded

I didn't get it at the time and I still don't get it. She left him, why make such a fuss about him and me?

Wilkie, I wonder if it's not because it raises the thought that they may have started the affair, or at least sown the seeds while she was the girlfriend of a team mate. And that's unpleasant on two levels.

26/10/2011 at 10:16
i work with one of mine, which was very awkward, but now is ok. Not an ideal situation
kittenkat    pirate
26/10/2011 at 10:17
Nam wrote (see)

I think many women prefer to demonise other women instead of acknowledging that their current partner loved someone before them...  When men have affairs, there is often the assumption that the evil single vixen seduced the hapless married father of three who just couldn't help themselves... bla bla.

Some people also like to re-write history and make it out like everything was her fault and never his.  Sometimes that may be the case, but quite often it's just a way of bending the past to fit your current world view.  Not being able to take an honest and objective view of a person or situation, yes I guess a lot of that would be down to insecurity.

I agree with that, and for all my faults, it's something I've never botherd with. D was married for 9 years before he met me. I never had any interest in his ex or had any ill feelings. I was annoyed about the debt she left, but just that.

The past is the past, if it encroaches on the present then that's maybe a different situation but I'm lucky that it hasn't.

kittenkat    pirate
26/10/2011 at 10:20
Nick L wrote (see)
i work with one of mine, which was very awkward, but now is ok. Not an ideal situation

It's a cliche but never mix work and pleasure!

I went out once on a boozy night with people from where i worked at the time. At the end of the night my colleague came onto me and told me that SHE was in love with me.

It was all a bit more complicated than that, but that one was a bit awkward when we were all stone cold sober on Monday morning!

If I'd fancied her I may have had a dabble.

Lee the Pea    pirate
26/10/2011 at 10:21

Not many exes to speak of really, but couple I wouldn't even know how to get in touch if I wanted to, one I see at work when i'm in his office, but we get on fine.  Sometimes I forget what happened between us, then i suddenly remember when I look at him, and it feels odd to think all this passion was there once,because it isn't now, lol.  I'm a bit crap when it comes to exes though, hang on to the hurt a bit too much for too long, then have sudden realisation of 'wtf am I hung up on this?!' then I get over it  

I've never been with a guy that I was a long time friend with first, so not keen on keeping in touch if it goes pear-shaped. Rather leave the past in the past.

26/10/2011 at 15:52
Helen Liz wrote (see)

I had a run in with his ex. She'd left him, but once she found out about me, she turned up again. Showed up at his house, followed us home, that sort of thing. Told H that she'd either run me over or drive off a bridge. Guess which I'd rather she did  We were in the same university department, and she started bad mouthing me. Fortunately, no-one believed the rot she was spouting, and she discovered how little she was regarded

I didn't get it at the time and I still don't get it. She left him, why make such a fuss about him and me?

Perhaps her ego is bruised because he's got over her and found someone else?

26/10/2011 at 17:11

Possibly. It was over 6 months, not the next week and she'd walked out. It struck me as a bit like a toddler with a toy. I don't want to play with it but I don't want you to play with it either.

Mind you, she was a silly tart and he was better off without her (imho, obviously )

26/10/2011 at 22:35
Lee the Pea wrote (see)

I've never been with a guy that I was a long time friend with first, so not keen on keeping in touch if it goes pear-shaped. Rather leave the past in the past.


if it has all gone pear shaped i'm not so keen on staying in touch either.
26/10/2011 at 23:33
One of my ex's is and has been one of my best friends for over10 years now. We had a hard relationship when we were together. That lasted 3 years. After a horrible break up we just kinda forgot about the crap and started hanging out as friends with our new partners etc. I've been married and divorced since and not been able to do the same with my other ex. I guess it depends on the person really
Edited: 26/10/2011 at 23:34
18/11/2011 at 16:33
Two of my ex's came to my wedding and I went to one of their weddings. But the other one's now wife decided that I was a huge threat which was quite sad as it cut me off a circle of friends that I used to have in Germany. They live in Berlin by the way and I live in the UK - I guess I should be flattered that she thinks I can be a threat from so far away!

Otherwise, just Facebook or LinkedIn contact. And one sadly died. I only went out with him for a month when I was 16, but it was still a shock when I found out he'd had a brain aneurysm.

I've only met one of my husband's ex-girlfriends but I really liked her. Maybe that's because she's happily married and absolutely not a threat. But by definition you have something in common, that you've both loved the same guy (or girl)!

But it totally depends on the people involved.

23/11/2011 at 15:38
My wife joined facebook recently (I still don't know how it works). She got an invite to be a friend of her ex husband. She has declined the invitation but what is really odd is that his facebook photograph is of him at their wedding. We've been married 20 years.
seren nos    pirate
23/11/2011 at 15:44
groovy...........that is really weird
Nam
23/11/2011 at 16:10
Has he not worked out how to crop an image yet? 
23/11/2011 at 16:21
Nam we think he probably has as my wife thinks the original picture had both of them in.
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