The best age to have kids?

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gingerfurball    pirate
18/03/2013 at 18:13
What makes me sad is my sister who, when I was having my children, was a great auntie but very verbal about how she didn't want children until about maybe 4 or 5 years ago got very broody (she's not in a relationship) and now (she's 50 this year) realises she will (probably) never have children. And it's the biggest regret of her life. (This makes me heart-breakingly sad)
18/03/2013 at 23:30
mikasa wrote (see)

I never wanted kids and when I was younger, in my 20's,my bf's didn't want any either so all was good. I'm going to be 35 this year and now I'm unsure. All I know is I need to make my decision in the next two years. By now bf is 7 years younger so he's not in a hurry yet but we've talked about it. I wish I knew what I wanted.

I'm in a similar position. I'm 32 and I have lots of friends in late 20s early 30s who a quite sure they don't want children. They can just get on with their lives and not look back. I'm 32 and still not sure what I want. Well that's not strictly true, I kinda do want to have a child, and think that if I don't I will end up like gingerfurball's sister and regret not doing so in my 50s. But my BF is less keen, and I know it will be a massive change to our lives if we did.

19/03/2013 at 00:30
literatin wrote (see)

My whole retirement plan is based on not having kids ever.

I have no offspring and that won't change now. Neither my partner nor I really wanted children so we made sure it didn't happen. Now I'm too old so I'll hopefully remain childless. (unless a man comes into my life in the future who has children, I won't look for it but who knows what will happen).

I think having children when you are finacially secure is good if you can manage it. Young parents can have a whole new life in their 40's, so there are pros and cons of parenting at any age.

19/03/2013 at 07:51

Unplanned pregnancies... that's the way to go! I can hear my baby gurgling upstairs right now  (I was going to insert a ....  but the truth is, it's fantastic (for now). Even though we'll be pensioners at the little one's 18th)

If you're into all that boring planning stuff, then obviously, there's no right answer to the OP's question that fits all, but one point I'd make is that a lot of people seem to feel they should wait until they're 'financially secure' before having children.

In principle, that's a good idea.... but IMO, there is a fair proportion of people who feel under social pressure to wait FAR too long. 

Life should not, IMO, be about securing a 4-bed detached, educational trust funds and big pension pots before starting a family.   Especially unfortunate if you then find that medical issues start to arise, or even relationship breakdowns causing a bit of a race against the biological clock.

Speaking generally, I think it's ideal to have your first in mid to late twenties. (Do as I say, not as I do)



19/03/2013 at 11:32

RicF thats a bit harsh.

I go out doing stuff yes. This weekend i'll be caving Saturday morning and running a HM Sunday morning. However because of that I am taking a day off tomorrow to spend time with them. I had served in the Forces since the age of 16 and got a proper job by 22. During that time I done some immensely crazy stuff. I have ticked many boxes of what I want to achieve and I don't believe having children should stop me from doing what I enjoy. I am now progressing in a career where I will be able to provide for my whole family without my wife having to work, so she can spend as much time as possible with them. I work hard and I play hard. The difference is I could be a lazy dad and do sod all with my kids, but because I know I have my own time (When theoretically I could be spending it with my kids) I more than make up for it.

I don't mean to rant but saying I don't want to spend time with my kids is not a correct statement.

19/03/2013 at 11:57

my son is 12 now, i would give up everything i own for a daughter. i really want another kid. 

19/03/2013 at 12:08

I thought Ric's comment was a bit harsh too - but wondered if maybe I was inferring something he didn't intend, so apologies Ric if that's the case.    Kids shouldn't stop you doing stuff you want to do.   OK they will make doing some things a bit more tricky, maybe make you stop and think if you want to take risks or spend that time away from them, but it's not healthy to think having kids = the end of your life until they leave home.   

I suppose it may depend on what you want from life though.  Since having kids I haven't travelled the world, been mountain climbing or raced motorbikes...but then I never did any of that before having maybe I just didn't have to compromise my lifestyle as much as some others would.   For me the compromise is more like I'm going to the Pyrenees for a week cycling this Summer - but I turned down the chance of a week in the Alps that came up because it's the week before and it'd seem like taking the piss to spend a week away riding a bike leaving my other half with 3 kids and the day after returning leave for another week riding the bike in a different mountain range - even though she'd say it's OK.   But also if I'm going to France twice I'd rather spend one of the weeks with my family - last year riding up Mont Ventoux with my 10 year old son is more memorable than me climbing the Galibier with my mates.   

Is life about ticking boxes anyway - if I enjoy doing something I probably want to keep doing it until I stop enjoying it (sounds vaguely rude I know - not intended!) - not do it once and say job done move on to the next thing on the list. 


19/03/2013 at 12:20

i agree. I compromise. If I didn't have kids i'll be doing all sorts. But instead I have culled many things down to a manageable level where everybody is happy. That's the thing with kids you don't need to stop everything but you need to sort out what is important to you

19/03/2013 at 12:27

it won't stop me hiking alpine glaciers.

19/03/2013 at 12:48

Vicar, Sounds harsh but even when I was six I spent time with kids who were only in second place to their parents activities of choice. It was like they'd been deserted.

Of course you want to spend time with your kids, its just that some of the time you want to be elsewhere even more. You have the choice, they don't.

You might believe having kids shouldn't stop you doing what you enjoy but to what extent? Once they are old enough they may have a different opinion.

You may be a borderline example but I've seen enough guys reap the rewards of booking themselves a two week holiday with their mates leaving their wives and kids at home.

Or disapearing off every Friday evening and not returning until Sunday night.

They took the same stance every time. I make the money, there it is, what more do you want?

Kids aren't interested in your logical trades. Of treats, activities and toys and other pay offs.

They want you to give them the option of yourself and your time.



19/03/2013 at 13:03

I agree in some respects. However I don't think it matters too much how much time you spend with your kids to a degree as long as the time is quality. As I said I know enough people who sit on their ass all weekend with their kids watching TV. Again this weekend I will be away from them both mornings but in the afternoons we will go out and doo something with them. At night I read them a book and bath both of them nothing gets in the way of that. However I am my own person and I have an outlet.

I'm not having a dig but you are on a running forum, how much time do you give up for running? Do you enter any events etc? I do. I again changed the way I train to encorporate my kids. Instead of running in the mornings I run too and from work instead taking up less time. I don't believe in quantity I think it's definitely quality

19/03/2013 at 13:30


As I said, "you may be a borderline example", the reality sounds as if you are in fact making a not unreasonable compromise.

I used to do a lot of things but to such an extent I just burnt out the enthusiasm for them. I'm just glad I did all the ambitious stuff before the lad arrived. By the time he did I was just ticking along.

Running is easy for time since it hardly registers. An hour here and there is hardly risking neglect. My other activities used to take days at a time.

Those activities are on hold (permanently I suspect). 


19/03/2013 at 15:34

No grumbles

I can understand where you are coming from because some people do give every hour they have to their children because thats the way they are. No problem there. Others still enjoy spending time with their kids and need an outlet. I am one of them because no matter how much I love my kids if I didnt have any time to myself I'd probably end up going mad!

19/03/2013 at 15:58

The assumption that kids want to spend every waking moment with a parent is not necessarily true.

I was always happy to spend time on my own, or with my friends.  I had more fun doing that than doing boring stuff with my parents.

I didn't much look forward to going on holiday - it just meant not seeing my friends and being stuck with my sister for two weeks, usually somewhere where it was raining!

Kids are individuals too.  

literatin wrote (see)

My whole retirement plan is based on not having kids ever.


Same for me 

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