The best age to have kids?

21 to 40 of 47 messages
17/03/2013 at 21:11
XcurlytwigX wrote (see)

, it suited my life just fine , we have a very stable  loving family and i can financially provide for them , whats more to need 

 

That't the real issue, I think. The ideal age is the age when you can afford to do it and fit it into the rest of your life. My friends (not me, because of aforementioned retirement plan) are all having kids around now, early to mid 30s, because we work in a field where you typically don't qualify and get a permanent job until late 20s/early 30s, and don't necessarily want to start a family when you don't know where you might be living or whether you'll have an income. So it's only ideal because it's practical.

17/03/2013 at 21:40

16, becasuse by the time you're 40, you might just have your life back!

Our first was when I was 32 though and it was nice to be financially secure first.

 

And when I say first, I also mean "only", for now at least!

Edited: 17/03/2013 at 21:43
17/03/2013 at 21:54

16, becasuse by the time you're 40, you might just have your life back!

i was 16, my daughter is 16 now, i would have a mental breakdown if she made me a nanna at 32 , she has benefited from a happier more stable childhood than i had , i trust her 

i do love that now mine are older i can do more , that goes for all mothers though ,

i have lived through some seriously poor times , i chose to goto uni and struggled on my husbands wages and my NHS busary for 3 years , harsh , but worth it 

i always put in crazy over time to make sure they never went without , 

i wonder if i had had mre money when they were really young if i would have worked part time or not at all and stayed home 

prob not, i like working and being busy lol 

17/03/2013 at 22:13

XcurlytwigX, maximum respect for managing it so young, and by the sounds of it doing a great job too. I doubt I was anywhere near mature enough to have done it at 16 and thankfully we'll never know!

I am really enjoying being a daddy especially when he really wants me to be with him, I'm flavour of the month right now and I've never been so popular with anyone!

LIVERBIRD    pirate
18/03/2013 at 06:47
I honestly don't think there is a right age although there is undoubtedly a wrong time.
18/03/2013 at 08:23

i was 21, at the time i thought i was too young but after my son was born i was quite happy to be a father, and in fact i have pretty much bought him up alone, (his mum is a career obsessed woman) now i'm 34 and he'll be leaving school before i'm 40, i'm really glad i had him at that age, ive been able to enjoy the days out more i think, i never had any money anyway at 21 but now, when he's leaving for uni or work or whatever, i'll be in a better position to do the things i enjoy doing and have the money to do so. 

I guess its different for everyone though, i know older parents who live a great and active life with their kids and do everything with them, i also know younger parents who you'd think were 60, shove the kids upstairs with an xbox and smoke themselves to death. 

18/03/2013 at 08:33

i was almost 40 and in some way you kind of envy friends who now have grown up children and seem to have a life of their own again.

but i feel sorry for the ones who have one or two children in their early 20s then have another one (or two) just before they are 40. 

in my opinion around 30 would perhaps be ideal.

 

 

 

18/03/2013 at 10:22

Just had my second 6 weeks ago and if you want to be able to add around 20 minutes to your HM PB then happy days, I got the Yeovil HM next week- before having the 2nd I'd crack it no worries but trying to run on 2 hours sleep is like headbutting a wall.

I'm 28 and I had my first at 26. Never a good age to be completely tired ratty and to find everything a chore Funny thing is I didnt do much with my life before kids after I have had them I have gone a bit mad and now trying all sorts. I think I was meant to grow up but its had the opposite effect  

gingerfurball    pirate
18/03/2013 at 10:38
I was 22, 27 and 29 when I had ours. MrGFB is 7 years older than me so we didn't want to be much older because of the age gap. Ours are grown up (youngest is 19) and I am a granny!! I was made a granny when I was 44. The grandbabies tire me out now!!
18/03/2013 at 11:06

I never wanted kids and when I was younger, in my 20's,my bf's didn't want any either so all was good. I'm going to be 35 this year and now I'm unsure. All I know is I need to make my decision in the next two years. By now bf is 7 years younger so he's not in a hurry yet but we've talked about it. I wish I knew what I wanted.

18/03/2013 at 11:31
mikasa wrote (see)

I wish I knew what I wanted.

 

Story of my life, and most other people's I expect!

I often think a bad decision is often better than no decision at all. If I didn't tell myself that I'd never get anything done.

18/03/2013 at 13:05

Why sorry Skotty - if they enjoy being parents then having one or two young and one or two older is ideal.   

 

18/03/2013 at 17:44

Interesting comment there Vicar.

I've done the total opposite.

There wasn't a single thing left that I wanted to do that I hadn't done. Every obsessional, selfish, potentially risky activity already covered.

Kids aren't interested in your career, your sports, the activities that make you buzz or all the people you choose to meet.

Its simple with them. If you have the choice to be elsewhere and you take it, its because you don't want to be with them. 

 

gingerfurball    pirate
18/03/2013 at 18:13
What makes me sad is my sister who, when I was having my children, was a great auntie but very verbal about how she didn't want children until about maybe 4 or 5 years ago got very broody (she's not in a relationship) and now (she's 50 this year) realises she will (probably) never have children. And it's the biggest regret of her life. (This makes me heart-breakingly sad)
18/03/2013 at 23:30
mikasa wrote (see)

I never wanted kids and when I was younger, in my 20's,my bf's didn't want any either so all was good. I'm going to be 35 this year and now I'm unsure. All I know is I need to make my decision in the next two years. By now bf is 7 years younger so he's not in a hurry yet but we've talked about it. I wish I knew what I wanted.

I'm in a similar position. I'm 32 and I have lots of friends in late 20s early 30s who a quite sure they don't want children. They can just get on with their lives and not look back. I'm 32 and still not sure what I want. Well that's not strictly true, I kinda do want to have a child, and think that if I don't I will end up like gingerfurball's sister and regret not doing so in my 50s. But my BF is less keen, and I know it will be a massive change to our lives if we did.

19/03/2013 at 00:30
literatin wrote (see)

My whole retirement plan is based on not having kids ever.

I have no offspring and that won't change now. Neither my partner nor I really wanted children so we made sure it didn't happen. Now I'm too old so I'll hopefully remain childless. (unless a man comes into my life in the future who has children, I won't look for it but who knows what will happen).

I think having children when you are finacially secure is good if you can manage it. Young parents can have a whole new life in their 40's, so there are pros and cons of parenting at any age.

19/03/2013 at 07:51

Unplanned pregnancies... that's the way to go! I can hear my baby gurgling upstairs right now  (I was going to insert a ....  but the truth is, it's fantastic (for now). Even though we'll be pensioners at the little one's 18th)

If you're into all that boring planning stuff, then obviously, there's no right answer to the OP's question that fits all, but one point I'd make is that a lot of people seem to feel they should wait until they're 'financially secure' before having children.

In principle, that's a good idea.... but IMO, there is a fair proportion of people who feel under social pressure to wait FAR too long. 

Life should not, IMO, be about securing a 4-bed detached, educational trust funds and big pension pots before starting a family.   Especially unfortunate if you then find that medical issues start to arise, or even relationship breakdowns causing a bit of a race against the biological clock.

Speaking generally, I think it's ideal to have your first in mid to late twenties. (Do as I say, not as I do)

 

 

19/03/2013 at 11:32

RicF thats a bit harsh.

I go out doing stuff yes. This weekend i'll be caving Saturday morning and running a HM Sunday morning. However because of that I am taking a day off tomorrow to spend time with them. I had served in the Forces since the age of 16 and got a proper job by 22. During that time I done some immensely crazy stuff. I have ticked many boxes of what I want to achieve and I don't believe having children should stop me from doing what I enjoy. I am now progressing in a career where I will be able to provide for my whole family without my wife having to work, so she can spend as much time as possible with them. I work hard and I play hard. The difference is I could be a lazy dad and do sod all with my kids, but because I know I have my own time (When theoretically I could be spending it with my kids) I more than make up for it.

I don't mean to rant but saying I don't want to spend time with my kids is not a correct statement.

19/03/2013 at 11:57

my son is 12 now, i would give up everything i own for a daughter. i really want another kid. 

19/03/2013 at 12:08

I thought Ric's comment was a bit harsh too - but wondered if maybe I was inferring something he didn't intend, so apologies Ric if that's the case.    Kids shouldn't stop you doing stuff you want to do.   OK they will make doing some things a bit more tricky, maybe make you stop and think if you want to take risks or spend that time away from them, but it's not healthy to think having kids = the end of your life until they leave home.   

I suppose it may depend on what you want from life though.  Since having kids I haven't travelled the world, been mountain climbing or raced motorbikes...but then I never did any of that before having kids...so maybe I just didn't have to compromise my lifestyle as much as some others would.   For me the compromise is more like I'm going to the Pyrenees for a week cycling this Summer - but I turned down the chance of a week in the Alps that came up because it's the week before and it'd seem like taking the piss to spend a week away riding a bike leaving my other half with 3 kids and the day after returning leave for another week riding the bike in a different mountain range - even though she'd say it's OK.   But also if I'm going to France twice I'd rather spend one of the weeks with my family - last year riding up Mont Ventoux with my 10 year old son is more memorable than me climbing the Galibier with my mates.   

Is life about ticking boxes anyway - if I enjoy doing something I probably want to keep doing it until I stop enjoying it (sounds vaguely rude I know - not intended!) - not do it once and say job done move on to the next thing on the list. 

 

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