Things you want to say but can't

A chance to get it off your chest

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29/06/2011 at 10:37

Dear kennels...

You were crap.  Why state on you're website you're "flexible" when, in practice, your bored reception staff can't be arsed to accommodate anyone outside your ONE hour weekend opening??? 

Dear friend...

You're a star.  Thank you. x

29/06/2011 at 10:54
Thanks SOLB - working now and all done.
29/06/2011 at 22:25
FAO local hairdressers.

Half the children at the nearby secondary school have mullets. Chav mullets. Chullets. Some don't just sport the shaven sides with the straggly little rats tail of hairs down the back. They have a chullet bleach. Some have tramlines as well. Or all three. The mega chullet.

It looks spectacularly shit. Qualified hairdressers must have a repertoire that extends beyond the boys Big Fat Gypsy Wedding look. Stop doing it.
Edited: 29/06/2011 at 22:50
30/06/2011 at 11:17

To the stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid (and more times stupid than I can say) man who was in the roundabout today.

If you get into a roundabout and realise that you have missed the exit and gone the wrong way, you do NOT, repeat NOT, reverse back around the roundabout trying to reach the exit that you missed.  Especially not when you are driving a camper van with four bikes on the back and towing a trailer.  How the feck I managed to avoid crashing into you, and the cars behind me, managed to avoid crashing into me and each other - dog knows.

All I can say is that we must be much better drivers than you, Feckwit.

To the Hampshire Fire Service, Search and Rescue Unit Team driving along the M3 today.

I can only say that I am glad that I don't need to be searched and rescued, because if I had to rely on the team driving your van today, I doubt whether I'd be either searched or rescued.  They appeared completely lost, judging by the number of lane changes and conflicting use of indicators - it was like Times Square on New Year's Eve.  If they couldn't find their way off the motorway, even with all those big, big signs, what hope is there for anyone lost out in the wilds, without similar signs to point the way?

Edited: 30/06/2011 at 11:17
30/06/2011 at 11:38

No way Jeepers!!

I did once hear of a story where a friend of a friend was learning to drive. The driving instructor told her to go right at the roundabout. So she did just that, got to the roundabout & went anti-clockwise round it!

30/06/2011 at 12:51
My Granddad used to go the wrong way round roundabouts, if he wanted the right exit, he'd go right. But then he never passed a driving test, they sort of let folk drive in Northern Ireland in the 50s without one.

My rant:

Any spider mites, greenfly or similar vile insects planning to take up residence on my balcony, I wouldn't recommend it. I've just squish every single one of your friends I found on the chilli plant and as I have time on my hands at the moment, I'll do the same again. You have been warned. The veggies growing on the balcony are earmarked for me, MrAN and various preserving projects. You're freeloaders, you can feck right off. Or get squished. I don't care which.

Edited: 30/06/2011 at 12:56
30/06/2011 at 16:58
AN - wasn't just in NI - my old man never passed his driving test as he was taught to drive by the army during the war - that gave him an automatic right to a DVL. he was a fecking useless behind the wheel - scared the shite out of me many times.

my missus has driven straight over a roundabout - but we were both a bit pissed at the time......she thought she was coming up to a flat mini-roundabout - turned out to be a big standard one with kerbstones but she still headed straight over it! how the feck the tyres stayed intact I have no idea - the rims got pretty trashed. when we went back to look the following day there was a nice set of wheel marks across the middle of it......

30/06/2011 at 17:46

Dear National Savings

The reason I never set up that online account is that it wouldn't accept the password I wanted to use. It's a particular combination of numbers and letters that is imprinted on my brain for reasons I don't need to go into here. It scores as very secure in these online password raters. But your site wouldn't accept it so I decided not to set up an account and instead just buy Premium Bonds with my debit card as before.

I last bought some Bonds a few months back in the usual way, online, with my card.

Today it demands that I log onto my secure account but of course I never set it up all the way. Okay then, I'll ignore that and use the card. Can't do that. Have to phone you for help. I do that and I'm told that I must have an online account, and now I have to write to you with all my details and you'll send me out another temporary password so I suppose I have to go through the whole rigmarole again.

Never mind, can I buy some over the phone now? No I can't. So how come I could last time? Because the system will only let me do it once before it makes me use the secure online account. Wtf?

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF THE MONTH YOU NUMPTIES. So I now have to wait another month. I just know that had I bought today, I would've scored that special bond that wins me the million.

Ernie, me old mate, you are in danger of becoming not worth the hassle.

30/06/2011 at 20:52
k8greene wrote (see)

I did once hear of a story where a friend of a friend was learning to drive. The driving instructor told her to go right at the roundabout. So she did just that, got to the roundabout & went anti-clockwise round it!

My mother has done that several times when I've been in the car, so gawd knows how often when I haven't been there.  She has also driven up the wrong side of a dual carriageway and when I screamed she did a u-turn and drove up the other side the wrong way.  Luckily it was in the city centre and very late on a Sunday night so it wasn't busy .....

Dear woman behind me in bank queue

You standing there tutting and sighing did not make me or the bank teller go any quicker.  If you had wanted to be in front of me you should have been in there before me.  I only took up about 4 mins of your time anyway.

The flounce when you felt you'd been waiting too long was entertaining for all of us though

30/06/2011 at 21:07
Tickled Pink wrote (see)

The flounce when you felt you'd been waiting too long was entertaining for all of us though

No idea who she was, TP?

30/06/2011 at 21:13
F*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off, F*CK OFF!!
30/06/2011 at 21:48
Jeepers wrote (see)
Tickled Pink wrote (see)

No idea who she was, TP?

Well she was on crutches with some sort of minor leg injury
30/06/2011 at 21:54

Wahoo - I'm going to be a daddy!

Oh Fuck - I'm going to be a daddy!

30/06/2011 at 21:57
You know what Ken? I was about to let loose with a rant, but that post made me and I've kind of lost the will to rage now.
30/06/2011 at 22:03

Thanks Frodo!

It's our first and it's a bit sooner than we expected!

I'm really excited about it all, but so nervous as well... it's such a big event, things will never be the same again.

Just wish my Dad was here for it all.. It's been 15yrs since he died

30/06/2011 at 22:10
Good luck
30/06/2011 at 22:16

Congratulations, Ken! Here's something for you:

01/07/2011 at 08:26
Big congrats Ken
I became a daddy for the first time this year and it's brilliant. Shout if you need advice (not that I'm any sort of expert!) or to ask the stupid questions.
01/07/2011 at 08:26

That's great Ken - shouldn't it be on the "bloody brilliant" thread though?  

Dear man with surfboard and giant rucksack with interesting "skateboard" extension. You were ovbiously going to have a fantastic holiday somewhere but do you think getting the tube in rush hour was really such a good idea?

01/07/2011 at 09:10
Thanks All.

had a good chat with the wife about it all last night and we spent a bit of time doing some question and answer sessions.

I am super excited but having such a history of Anxiety I'm always going to worry about things like this.

I've no doubt you will hear from me at 4am after being woken up by baby who can't sleep.

Screampillar - I posted in here about it and then saw the bloody brilliant thread! Silly me!!
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