Things you want to say but can't

A colleague said: it's not my fault i'm ill - to which I replied - no - but it is your fault for infecting us. Go home.

It's a terrible idea, which I can demonstrate on several points. Yet I know damn well you won't listen to me. Pah!

No matter how many times you tell us its a good idea, it will still remain a complete waste of our time for no gain other a little extra kudos for you with the bosses!

Dear PC world.

Why ring me up to say my net book is in only to have no-one knows anything about it and when i push for the sales person to do something about it they want ID.  I paid for it on my debit card as they locked my credit card as their system crashed.   Thanks you complete bunch of tosser.s

I did not just spend a ridiculous amount of time fishing about in my mug for a tea bag, only to realise I'd already disgarded it.

Glad it's not just me who does things like that!

What the hell does 'disgarded' mean?!

Errant 'G'...

things i want to say but can't: "nucleus" - i work on a project Nucleus and I always sound like a bloody american when i say it. i don't have this problem with "New" or other words with a "silent y" after the N, so why this word?

also, while i'm at it, why do supermarkets sell fruit that is not ripe and will never ripen. i understand the temporal logistics of transporting fruit over long distances before it goes off, but what's the point in picking fruit long before it's ripe, that will never properly ripen. Note to sainsburys: Peaches do NOT ripen in the bowl, they just decay. So it goes from hard to mouldy with no intermediate juicy, delicious phase. Thanks Sainsburys, I will not be buying fruit from you any more.

Dear HR dragon (no not you Wilkie!)

You send someone to Occupational Health, the company medics tell you this person has a problem, they tell you how the problem should be managed, and they caution you that the person is likely to have protection in law because of their health issue. Seven months on, a lot of talk but no change. So we're filing a tribunal claim. Again. Because this is a repeat of what happened last year to someone else. Do you not learn?

And by the way, thank you for throwing me out of your office the moment I told you. The more pissed off you are at me, the better I'm doing my job as union rep

Dear X,

I'm not in love with you. Sometimes I'm not even sure I like you that much. So why the f*ck can't I get you out of my mind?

 Chuffing HR types.

Muttley go get'un tigger.

Dear IT,

What f*cking use are you? I came back after a period of leave on Monday and every single day have spent at least 15 minutes on the phone trying to sort out systems issues. As soon as something new is set up something else fails. My colleagues took time out of their own jobs to get my new PC set up and ensure this would not happen. And, BTW, since it is a new PC why are the systems not all the latest versions anyway? Incompetant feckers! 

Stupid bloody standardised forms. Most of the questions don't apply, but the information is mandatory. What the hell am I mean to do?! *head/desk*

Lance Armstrong is innocent....

You know that the fact that there is missing data is NOTHING to do with me. I have copied exactly what I was asked to. It's not my fault if some f***wit has not exported it properly and there is massive chunks of it missing. Now that they have exported it properly stop trying to insinuate that there is something wrong with the way that I copy the data that has caused the problem. I've done this before, I know what I'm doing and YES, I DO check what I've copied against the source.

Sheesh, grow a backbone and talk to the people that do the exporting if you want to blame someone