Things you want to say but can't

((by 'eck))

((cinders))

that is all 

Dear colleagues:

If I'm subject to the usual guff about "Strictly" and "X-Factor" and you whingeing on about how old you all are at 30, I shan't be keeping company with you all for long this evening, free drinks or no free drinks. I'd rather stay sober and go home than have to listen to your collective inane wittering. 

I'm still trying to work out how the name of a certain brand of beer caused so much hilarity last time we went out - it really wasn't terribly funny. Unless you have the sense of humour of a 10 year old boy.

Thank you. 

No, I'm not coming to the works christmas dinner. I don't like the company's management and my sense of self-worth is not tied up in identifying with the company. Anyway, it gets so boring explaining vegetarianism to a tableful of partygoers when all I get given are steamed vegetables. Actually I've got a nice bottle of Arran whisky at home: I'd rather get stuck into that snuggled up on the sofa with my choice of entertainment from satellite channels and DVD, not listen to your "collective inane wittering"  [loved that bit]

Shall we swop outings Steve? At least we'll get to hear new and different inane wittering 

and again....facebook bores
"I'm at Gatwick" - who gives a Fk
"walking the dog" - sent from 'in a field' - again, who cares?
"fancied a starbucks this morning" - yep, still don't care
"urgh, wanted to stay under the duvet because its cold" - hmm, we all feel like that sometimes, but again who gives a crap. In fact why not stay under that duvet for an extra 20 seconds and not post some idle piece of self absorbtion on the web?

I'm not going to my office lunch either.  Not because I don't like my colleagues (and they don't do the inane wittering!), but because I really don't like being shoe-horned into an over-crowded restaurant, being unable to hear the person next to me for all the noise, having to choose from a menu I know is likely to be disappointing, wait a couple of hours for my meal, and then pay through the nose for the privilege.

And I don't mind if they think I'm a bit odd, I've worked here for nearly 19 years and don't feel the need to fit in!

So I'll answer the phones, and deal with the drop-ins instead 

Has anyone ever posted , "Having a w*nk?" on Facebook? 

Actually I do have a gay friend who posts about his sexual exploits. He's in his mid 60s and I never know whether I'm outraged or jealous that he seems to get more than I do 

Bugger! 

i hate you office party for forcing me to socialise with the people whose office behaviour causes me to wish death on them for 364 days in the year, only to discover that in real life they are actually alright.

Yes, but you only see them in 'real life' for a few hours a year!

i know. but i'd rather just go on being annoyed! i feel guilty for not liking them and being crabbit

INEVITABLE. that's all.

Inevitable.

((By 'eck)) I hope you get some sleep tonight

Womble wrote (see)

If you want a job it's best that you don't smell when you attend the interview. It was quite tricky concentrating on your answers while trying not to inhale.

I've gone so far as to open a window saying how "flushed" I was feeling!

Our christmas party still needs to be organised 

inevitable

dear LETTING AGENT.

I appreciate the e-card of a xmas tree made up of your company logo, but i'd really prefer you made the fucking heating work.

I can't wait for our works do to be over.  I'm new to the company, and this part of the country so signed up on the basis that it would be good to meet a few people outside work and maybe make a few friends.

But the conversation of the last TWO WEEKS has been all about who is wearing what, who is staying over at the hotel, how people are going to investigate various modes of public transport and speculation over who won't make it home this year.

I think I'll turn up, have a small glass of water with the meal and then drive home.  I think I can be in bed by 10pm with a bit of luck.

Dear colleagues,

Well I'm giving you higher marks than usual this morning. Yes, the not funny beer brand was brought up in conversation AGAIN and "X-Factor" was also discussed during the first hour but the Secret Santa pressie was spot-on and there was a top-notch conversation about fiction writing with one of you.

Keep up the good work chaps!