Things you want to say but can't

Dearest Sister-in-law

For several years now I have tolerated, with gritted teeth and bitten lip, the Jeremy Kyle format of your Facebook updates.  I didn't want to know about your drunken nights, your Blackpool weekends, your talks through status updates with your long deceased relatives or indeed your frequent moans about the expectation of Job Seekers on you to go out and look for work now that your kids are all at school.  I have seen the endless pictures of your ever increasing pet zoo, the constant swapping of one pet for a 'better' pet, your moans about your children fighting (tip:  treat them with respect, it rubs off) and I have sucked air through teeth at sight of your sympathies for Jezza's guests and their various lie detector assessed tribulations, not to mention you telling your 300+ Facebook 'friends' about your daughter requiring psychological input because she's "nuts", despite the fact said daughter is one of your Facebook friends.  I even tolerated the snide comments about my inability to attend my brother's 30th due to being self employed and working 70 hours a week whilst raising four children on my own.

Then I found out yesterday about your latest pregnancy, child number four for you.  A whole six weeks and you announce it to your children, family and friends through Facebook despite losing your last pregnancy at 10 weeks because of your morbid obesity - the same morbid obesity that has increased in size since your miscarriage.   Add to that your pleas on Facebook for someone to take your pony sized German Sheperd, queries about 2 bedrooms houses for rent and your announcement this afternoon about your sore boobs "because Mr Facebook asked", I think I may have actually reached my tolerance level. 

But you know what?  I've found something.......

The censor button Facebook.

HUZZAH!!!

Sounds like she deserves her own TV series CD 

Blimey.  You log in to RW looking for articles and fascinating insights in to the running habits, trials, success and information on running only to find the site has turned all 'specialist' on our asses!

Question now is, am I bored enough to read all the comments posted on ALL of the pages? 

Probably.

Dear Benedict Cumberbatch:

OK, I have, finally, to admit that I don't understand why you are so popular. Sterling job at playing Stephen Hawking, not bad as Sherlock Holmes but your less-than- attractive, screwed-up face and strangled voice quite frankly make me want to feed you to a hungry alligator. It isn't as if your acting abilities are particualrly outstanding.

And don't get me started on "Parade's End...."

Homeless man in the street begging for change, how do you afford all of those piercings and expensive looking clothes?

The piercings were probably gained pre homelessness.  And the expensive looking clothes... charity donations handed to him at a homeless refuge/Sally Army kitchen?  But hey, you carry on making your uninformed judgements on people you know nothing about. 

Crazy Diamond wrote (see)

The piercings were probably gained pre homelessness.  And the expensive looking clothes... charity donations handed to him at a homeless refuge/Sally Army kitchen?  But hey, you carry on making your uninformed judgements on people you know nothing about. 

Just like you are on your sister-in-law? 

Rickster wrote (see)

Crazy Diamond wrote (see)

The piercings were probably gained pre homelessness.  And the expensive looking clothes... charity donations handed to him at a homeless refuge/Sally Army kitchen?  But hey, you carry on making your uninformed judgements on people you know nothing about. 

Just like you are on your sister-in-law? 

 

I think you'll find that unlike you and your homeless man, I know my sister in law - a little more than I'd like at times!  And read again - I wasn't judging, merely stating that I don't necessarily need to know the inner workings of her every thought and my utter delight at finding a button that can limit her posts on my page.  Once again though, you make your uninformed, uneducated judgements on people and their intent.  And while we're apparently judging, go on, tell me everything you know about the homeless man in 'expensive looking clothes'.

Dear X,

I hope my email has made you realise that, on my list of a million things I have to do in the next 2 weeks, the job you want me to do is at number 99,999.

Look, i have given you all the information i can, so stop asking for more. Don't be such a cock womble saying your customer will not accept written info but only typed.  I am sure before computers actual writing was sufficient.

I have spent 3 months dealing with you and my answers are still the same.  So just suck it up and deal with it.   

scream, shouldn't that be 999,999? or did you mean in  your list of 100,000 things to do?

hehehe

Yes, you're quite right. Maths is not my strong point 

I had this rant this morning and felt better.

I have turned my back on Football, a once noble game now played by yob millionaires with no social skills and bordeline learning diffculties.

Demon Barber wrote (see)

I had this rant this morning and felt better.

I have turned my back on Football, a once noble game now played by yob millionaires with no social skills and bordeline learning diffculties.

+1

It was the Olympics wot did it - the reminder of how sportsmen and women should conduct themselves made me realise how remote football was from that. It sickens me now.  

We are NOT going to be able to ship this product within the agreed timescales however much you want to.  Despite my misgivings you have told me to continue floging the dead horse and I have obediently done that.  Its getting to the stage now when the poor horse is not only dead but flogged into a hundred pieces and we are no closer to shipping the product.  When I point this out to you, you tell me to continue flogging and it will come right in the end.  Well, maybe if we were making cheap burgers, but we aint.

Hahah! whilst I'm on a roll... I have always thought this..

Bono and your celebrity pals,

I love to give money to charity, I don't need you to continually ask me to open my wallet time and time again. Just a suggestion, but if you really want to make a difference maybe you could sell one of your six or seven houses? after all you can only live in one of them?!  How many cars have you got?! Live a modest lifestyle, give the rest of your millions to the people you say you want to make a difference to. Not through one of your many fund raisers, just give your own money, that you've earned. As "normal" working people do. Until then, you tax dodging little turd, back off bitch.... And don't wear Sunglasses to a funeral, you just look even more of a tosser.

Fuck off, you condescending prick!

SuperCaz - we're not working for the same end customer are we?

Yes you might be the best recruitment agent in the business... But you are the 5th person to tell me that you have the exclusive rights to a job.... and it doesn't fit my cv even if I lie a bit !!!!