Things you want to say but can't

In general I'm fed up with the whole "People are fat and happy, skinny people are miserable". No they're bloody not!!! If you call parking yourself on the setee crying into a creamy cake and wondering how you got to be like that in the first place being "happy" then I'm glad i'm not!!!. When I got into good shape, some of my fatter friends (blokes can be bitchy as well but in more back handed pretend to be concerned type of way) remarked "you look gaunt, are you ill?"... I will race you to the top of Kiln Hill (it's an epic climb in our town) and when you finally drag your lardy frame to the top, IF you manage to get to the summit, I will meet you up there and we can discuss who is really "ill".

sarah the bookworm wrote (see)

I wrote to Eric Pickles recently, asking him to intervene in a local issue that's under his remit as a minister. 

He didn't reply. 

Perhaps offering him free weight management advice was an offer he could afford to refuse...

I so want to stick a fork in him, just to see if he deflates 

Screamapillar wrote (see)

sarah the bookworm wrote (see)

I wrote to Eric Pickles recently, asking him to intervene in a local issue that's under his remit as a minister. 

He didn't reply. 

Perhaps offering him free weight management advice was an offer he could afford to refuse...

I so want to stick a fork in him, just to see if he deflates 

I just want to push him over to see if he bounces up again and them wobbles around a bit...

I had a chemistry teacher about that sort of size.  It was hilarious.

Screamapillar wrote (see)

sarah the bookworm wrote (see)

I wrote to Eric Pickles recently, asking him to intervene in a local issue that's under his remit as a minister. 

He didn't reply. 

Perhaps offering him free weight management advice was an offer he could afford to refuse...

I so want to stick a fork in him, just to see if he deflates 

LOL! 

Dear Lady Customer.

Sending through abusive e mails copied into the world pisses me off.  It is not my fault the chaps who came yesterday do not understand when i say goods will be with them at the end of the week.  

So lady, i now know your true colour and i do not like what i see. 

So. We won the tribunal case and our guy was unfairly dismissed. The judge upheld nearly all of our arguments, which we had made very vocally at the time. But you ignored us. You thought you knew best. Because you are an arrogant bully. True justice would be him getting his job back and you being sacked but that is unlikely to happen. Still, you're going to have to pay out some serious compensation. And you've brought serious embarrassment to the corporation. Maybe your bosses will realize what a liability you are and push you out. Twat.

For f@cks sake, if you cannot pull a trolley bag without cutting people up, almost tripping some people up and actually tripping up others, buy a shoulder bag.  Or get up a bit earlier so that you don't have so many potential victims.  Next time I am actually going to stand on it, and if anything gets broken, like your ankles perchance, I really don't care.  

I F*****g hate short people with umbrellas, I don't know how I still have eyes

soduko, kenken, kokuro puzzler who got on the train at Woking...if you can't count in your head, please dont do number based puzzles. Hearing "five, eight,fourteen.." muttered over and over again is fkin irritating. 
 

Dear crisp company, who sound like a group of people out for a stroll!

please stop filling crisp packets with foul stinking nitrogen and please top up with crisps!!

Dustin wrote (see)

soduko, kenken, kokuro puzzler who got on the train at Woking...if you can't count in your head, please dont do number based puzzles. Hearing "five, eight,fourteen.." muttered over and over again is fkin irritating. 
 

So so glad I wasn't in that carriage/train.  I'd probably have said something, perhaps started talking my own numbers to put him off!!!!

Yes you are a monumental Penis.   Now you have said items we are the most wonderful people in the world, this is slightly different to what you were saying yesterday.  I told, you decided not to listen so yes, you are a penis.

It would preferable to boil my nuts  than to deal with you ever again.

EKGO wrote (see)

I F*****g hate short people with umbrellas, I don't know how I still have eyes

I agree it's incumbent upon everyone who uses an umbrella to be careful what they do with it when they are using it but I don't see why short people should have to get wet. 

I do. Short people are just wrong:

So, your friend manages to get you in a job at our company. She than manages to make sure you are safe in the last round of redundancies. Somehow, she then manages to get you a promotion even though you arent really that good at the job. Can you please tell me then why the feck you made an official complaint about her when all she was doing was asking you to do some work ? Bitch

WOW. That really is an impressive car. I love how you've taken a seemingly ordinary Citroen Saxo and stuck bits of fibre glass and stickers all over the bodywork so now it looks almost like a toy racing car!!!

I love how you have had the car lowered so that everyone has to queue up behind you just to wait for you to get over a speed bump.

It's obviously necessary to turn the sound system up to full volume so we can all "enjoy" the shit that you choose to listen to. Of course, "music" always sounds best when the bass is turned up to such a level it causes the whole car to vibrate and elderly people to lose the contents of their bowels everytime you drive past.

Demon Barber wrote (see)

WOW. That really is an impressive car. I love how you've taken a seemingly ordinary Citroen Saxo and stuck bits of fibre glass and stickers all over the bodywork so now it looks almost like a toy racing car!!!

I love how you have had the car lowered so that everyone has to queue up behind you just to wait for you to get over a speed bump.

It's obviously necessary to turn the sound system up to full volume so we can all "enjoy" the shit that you choose to listen to. Of course, "music" always sounds best when the bass is turned up to such a level it causes the whole car to vibrate and elderly people to lose the contents of their bowels everytime you drive past. 

And I love how its so loud that you cannot possibly have the windows wond up otherwise you really would blow your eardrums out, so we get to share in the experience!!  

Force the little sh!t to have his windows closed.  If he blows his eardrums out, f@ck him.  Don't care.  In fact, I'd be happy to do it for him.

To be clear, I'm not really an angry or vengeful person.  There's just whole sections of society that really don't give a sh!t about anyone else, and when I'm King, they're first up against the wall.

Exactly Mr B. Come the glorius day citizen... bop bop bop.

+1 short people are wrong in many ways

I dislike tall people with bags that bash us short folk in the face!