Before I start, I just want to apologise profusely for the totally inappropriate post I made in Cath's thread in the general forum. I mad the mistake of jumping in without reading and as one of the later posting said I'm am very upset about hence this post.
I probably should apologise for this post as well, as it's going to be a large rant and self pity type of post. But it may help me get my faith back into this web site.
I currently having one of my worst weekends since the beginning of the year. The reason why I was working late is that I have four (turns out to probably closer to seven or eight) NHS doctors appointments over last week and the next three weeks. The reasons:
1. Operable cancer two years ago, where I ended up with radiation therapy which brought down the chances of it reoccurring to 2%. Unfortunately the chances of a natural family, 0%.
2. After that my liver started to act up so another specialist and 6 monthly checkups.
3. After 18 months on the bl***dy NHS waiting list for a day operation I get four weeks notice, four weeks to jump through NHS hoops.
Worse still, my Nana is dying in New Zealand with throat cancer which has finally riddled her body. Feeling really guilty not going to see her as long list of circumstances which shouldn't get in the way have.
Also my wife who has ME, was struck down by a motor cycle in London just over a year and hasn't worked or recovered to her normal level of pain ever since. All of the above is as I see it just life. My wife and I have been living with it for four years or so now.
At the beginning of the year, after hearing another specialist telling me to loose weight, I went on a diet and lost three stone. This brought me down from the obese side of over weight to the other cusp of overweight. As this gave me a little confidence, I took up running.
The diet was easy, running was hard. Which for me included massive guilt feelings for leaving my wife sick in bed during our precious weekends. I brought the magazine and found the web site.
I never believed in forums before, to clicky for my liking but this one seemed to be helping my shyness and with generally coping with everything. Also avoiding the unofficial forum and health forums just in case something yucky arises.
My wife loves forums because she can read about other fellow ME suffers, and helps out where she can. You think Cath's thread is full of horror stories, you should start reading how the UK treats it's hidden disabled.
I usually avoid the long threads but this time after jumping in and then reading, what do I see but Cancer rearing it's ugly head.
So thanks to a big dive in self confidence and big upsurge in self pity, last weekend I was thinking how I could fit in my first marathon and looking forward to my next run. Now I haven't gone for a run since last Tuesday and feel like just chucking it all in and starting all over again.
Anyway, I'm not a great orator, so if the above makes me seem like a real a-h*** I'm sorry. This email is a bit of a self help thing and a cry out for the unheard. To be honest I wish I could put more meaningful things in above but my wife is better at stirring emails.
Finally I wish the monitors of the forums did a better job, and when someone mentions that a thread should have been in a different forum, they move it as sometimes the smallest thing really counts (also a undo or delete button would be helpful). Just think, my wife says a couple of times she wishes she could come running with me, just breaks my heart.
