Top Health Advice

Take note all...

16 messages
08/11/2002 at 14:23
Apologies to those of you that may have seen this before. I've just found it in my mailbox from ages ago and thought you might all appreciate it as you contemplate your weekend (over)indulgences...

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:
animal; mineral; and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain.? Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of
mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best, feel-good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.
08/11/2002 at 15:23
Very welcome addition to the thread, DW, as your picture illustrates.
08/11/2002 at 15:25
Like it.
08/11/2002 at 15:50
It beats cricket DW!
08/11/2002 at 15:55
Oh, it's not that good Foxy! ;-)
08/11/2002 at 16:04
It IS - honest!!! ;0))
08/11/2002 at 16:12

Don't be ridiculous..
Ratbag    pirate
08/11/2002 at 16:23
Girlies...they have no idea...
08/11/2002 at 16:25
I'm going to consume lots of grape juice tonight, so that's healthy. :)
08/11/2002 at 16:33
Me too Caz..... yum yum
08/11/2002 at 16:35
Make sure you're both home by midnight to watch the third day's play...
08/11/2002 at 16:42
Not that silly Cricket game?
08/11/2002 at 16:46
Caz, don't you start! Surely you're not another heathen?!
08/11/2002 at 16:50
It's like the premiership, it's only a game for goodness sake. It's not the winning it's the taking part :)
08/11/2002 at 16:51
No Caz that's running. Footy & cricket are different although watching both can often involve drinking so you should be OK.
08/11/2002 at 16:53
Now taking part in watching football whilst drinking I'm a pro at.

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