What's the worst joke that you've ever heard?

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.        

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'        

Why is Santa's sack so full?

Because he only comes (cums) once a year.

Muttley wrote (see)

MikeFrog wrote (see)

My favourite joke of the week

listen to this, not the current episode but episode 34 "11th century porn" at minute 22:48 and it lasts 4 mins. It's very offensive. http://pennsundayschool.com/page/episodes

Four minutes of my life I will never get back ...

Totally agree Muttley, might've been funny if it had actualy been offensive.

Like statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Two men walk in to a bar...

...you'd have thought that one of them would have seen it!

Why shouldn't you make fun of a dwarf with learning difficulties?

Because it's not big and it's not clever.

The wife and I have just watched 3 dvds back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the telly.

A man was arrested for pickpocketing dwarves. How could he stoop so low?

I was lying in bed with the wife and I said "You know, you remind me of the lottery".

She said "Why, do you feel like you've won the jackpot?"

"No, I wish you'd f***ing rollover!"

RUDE JOKE ALERT! IF EASILY OFFENDED, DON'T READ IT, INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING AFTERWARDS!

Paddy and Murphy are sitting in the pub.

Paddy: I'm just off over there to chat the woman up.

Murphy: Ok.

Paddy: Hello there, you're looking sexy tonight.

Woman: Actually I'm a lesbian.

Paddy: What's a lesbian.

Woman: Well you see that woman over there with the big boobs and the short skirt? I'd like to take her to bed and lick her minge out.

Paddy: I asked her and she said she's a lesbian.

Murphy: What's a lesbian?

Paddy: I'm still not quite sure, but I think that I'm a lesbian as well.

I must be desensitised, I didn't think that was rude at all?

How do you get down from a giraffe?

You don't, you get down from a duck.

An Eskimo's car breaks down in Wales and he phones the AA. The AA man examines the engine and say "Ah, I see the problem. You've blown a seal." The Eskimo replies "So what? You shag sheep, but I didn't mention that!"

How does a snake keep his car windscreen clear?

With windscreen vipers.

What are the fastest fish in the water?

A motor pike and a side carp.

A new tribe has been discovered on a remote Pacific island. They count 2,4,6,8,10,12 then beat up outsiders.

Apparently they only like heathan numbers.

My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas today.

"How about a blow-job?" I said.

"Well, you'll have to wait and see what you get from Father Christmas," she replied.

Great. If I'd wanted a fat lump with a white beard to suck my cock, I'd have asked her mother.