What's the worst joke that you've ever heard?

I was speaking to this Geordie girl in a bar the other day.
I said "Is it alright if I call you pet?"
"Why? 'Cos that's a Geordie word?", she said.
"No" I replied, "because you're a f***ing dog!"

i tried to save a hippy from drowning but he was too far out

Why do Mummys not go on holiday - they worry that they would get too relaxed and unwind.

Why do brides wear white

To fit in with the other Kitchen appliances

Whats black and slides down Nelsons column?

Winnie Mandela.

Whats the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

SNOWBALLS

Nick Windsor 4 wrote (see)

Why do brides wear white

To fit in with the other Kitchen appliances

You're a brave man telling that joke on here, considering that there's a lot of ladies on here who can run fast. 

I'm sure there are worse than that one, anybody??

why do women have smaller feet than men,

To get closer to the sink?

just seen this on twitter:

Why shouldn't you buy Ukrainian underpants? Because Chernobyl fallout.

Peters wife might like this one

What's Vietnamese for small horse?

Ti Ni Po Ni

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

Guy overtakes a car on the motorway, and his blonde wife says to him 'I think the family in that car must be Welsh'

'Why's that?' says the bloke.

'Well the little boy in the back wrote 'STIT ROUY SU WOHS' on the window'.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?

A carrot !

PC91 wrote (see)

What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?

 

A carrot !

Technically the joke doesnt really work because you are including an article the 'a' in front of parrot ....... the problem is if you didnt include the article then the sentence would just look wrong. A case of forcing a joke with the English language where there isnt one Im afraid

For instance Nandos has a sign that says 'Man eating chicken' .... by excluding the article it leaves room for doubt as to whether its 'a man eating chicken' or a 'chicken that eats man'.

God Im pedantic lol.

My mate opened up a zoo with just one dog

It was a shitzu

For instance Nandos has a sign that says 'Man eating chicken' .... by excluding the article it leaves room for doubt as to whether its 'a man eating chicken' or a 'chicken that eats man'.

No, it's about the hyphen. Cf man-eating chicken and man eating chicken.

And you call yourself a pedant? Pah!

Muttley wrote (see)

For instance Nandos has a sign that says 'Man eating chicken' .... by excluding the article it leaves room for doubt as to whether its 'a man eating chicken' or a 'chicken that eats man'.

No, it's about the hyphen. Cf man-eating chicken and man eating chicken.

And you call yourself a pedant? Pah!

It can be either about the hyphen or the article ....... so we both win

If you place an 'a' in front, you don't need a hyphen at all to understand who is eating what.

No, "man eating chicken " can only mean one thing regardless of any article in front. If you want to have a chicken that can eat man you must hyphenate to say "man-eating chicken".

You've been out-pedanted ... (rasp!)

David Falconer 3 wrote (see)

PC91 wrote (see)

What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?

A carrot !

Technically the joke doesnt really work because you are including an article the 'a' in front of parrot .

That's what makes the joke funny, as far as I'm concerned.