Why does a lack of self esteem seem so endemic

UltraCas wrote (see)

I have been lurking but BOTF's comment about engineering achievement needs a comment - CTRL and HS2 have/will take a long time because of planning issue and trying to respect people's rights and the environment - China doesn't give a toss about either!

FWIW I think communicating via the internet has given people a 'voice' to talk about self esteem issues that they might otherwise have kept quiet about. Personally if I want someone to know I'm feeling low I will talk to them individually but a lot of people seem comfortable to broadcast feelings via Twitter/Facebook/here for a bit of sympathy and to get people to say the opposite about them. They would probably never start a real conversation about it but the facelessness of the internet allows them to be more brash in their approach. So without the internet 10 years ago, you didn't hear it now with it and too many reality tv shows, you can't help but hear it.....some of it maybe real but I think a lot of it is people just wanting someone to say nice things about them and people are getting addicted to that.

Actually you're making me think of a slightly different point re Internet communication. Brought on by the bit you said about sympathy.

I was reading a very long and intimate thread from an American guy who is going through a divorce. he was putting really personal details online about it and of course his soon to be ex wife was coming off in a very bad light.

He got a shed load of sympathy, but my thoughts through the whole thing is that he could of course be lying through his teeth or needing to spin to get justification for his actions.

I'm not saying that he was lying, i have no idea but as usual we only get one side of the story and I'm always amazed how people jump on whichever side is presented online as automatically right.

Now I know they don't do in every situation but there is a generalisation for that trend. Some can get sympathy for anything online.

Not even a criticism really, just an observation.

Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)

Interesting that Slowfoot has started a thread on PIP breast implants....

Is the need for big norks a low self esteem issue ? and is it an issue for the woman or her partner ?

To me personally, boobs are so far down on the list of things that I worry about. They're just boobs!

(I know I'm a woman saying this, but they are!)

kittenkat wrote (see)

Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)

Interesting that Slowfoot has started a thread on PIP breast implants....

Is the need for big norks a low self esteem issue ? and is it an issue for the woman or her partner ?

To me personally, boobs are so far down on the list of things that I worry about. They're just boobs!

(I know I'm a woman saying this, but they are!)

Beware Of The Fish wrote (see)

kittenkat wrote (see)

Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)

Interesting that Slowfoot has started a thread on PIP breast implants....

Is the need for big norks a low self esteem issue ? and is it an issue for the woman or her partner ?

To me personally, boobs are so far down on the list of things that I worry about. They're just boobs!

(I know I'm a woman saying this, but they are!)

It's the level of access you're given that's important, not the size

I actually think I'm lucky because I've never had pissed blokes talking to my tits, there's no way they could actually find and focus on them, and so they talk to my face instead.

One of life's more simple pleasures.

kittenkat wrote (see)

One of life's more simple pleasures.

Crash Hamster wrote (see)

Tigerlily wrote (see)

Self esteem comes from a feeling of being valued - if you are brought up in an environment where no-one has any expectations of how highly you can achieve or never gives you any feeling that you have performed well then your self esteem will be zero.  Someone earlier said self esteem comes from feeling you have achieved or performed well, I don't think it does, as if no-one tells you that you have -then how do you know?

Really? My self-esteem is an internal thing; I like to receive praise from others from time to time, but I know the things, great and small, that I'm proud of achieving; other people are more impressed by some of them than I am and I've done other things that noone else has ever noticed, but that fill me with a quiet pride. It''s my own, private, list on which I base my self-esteem; no external input required!

Ultra AJH wrote (see)

As an aside, I spent a large part of my twenties wishing I was dead or at least not here due to extremely low self esteem. Being brought up to believe that everything that goes wrong is your fault will do that to a person.......however, I got counselled, I have a husband who supports me through thick and thin and friends who helped me.

I'm very lucky really, but I know what low self esteem is.

Everyone is a little different, and we all have work to do to improve the health of our mind. Again, the important thing at this stage is to become more aware, more conscious of how we exhbit syptoms of "sick" self-esteem. Then we can notice it when it's happening and take a step back and watch it happen- seeing it for what it is. From this position of increased detachment, or increased witnessing, we can begin to do something about it, instead of just blindly reacting and not being aware of what's really going on.