Why does a lack of self esteem seem so endemic

in individuals in the UK?

1 to 20 of 97 messages
08/02/2012 at 13:00
No one forces you to watch them
08/02/2012 at 13:15

To watch any so called reality show...

If you ignore them they will go away.... Like wise if the tango'd blondes living on their husbands earning stop buying wages stopped buy "Hello" or "OK" they will die out.....

So switch off your TV and go and do something more interesting instead

08/02/2012 at 13:20
If they watch that drivel or read that drivel they deserve all they get...
Tommygun2    pirate
08/02/2012 at 13:22
Don't ask me i'm just a chubby jogger who will never reach the potential I should because I lack the confidence to stick at things.
08/02/2012 at 13:29

Isn't  banging heads against walls considered foreplay down your neck of the world ?

Answer the question ?  I don't really give a toss, I set my own golas for myself and as a family we set common goals, and as none of us read trash mags or watch reality TV (you can forgive Sprog 4 her Neighbours obsession cos she's a student),

If your self esteem is so low that reading rubbish or watching rubbish makes them feel better, the sooner they die out the better

08/02/2012 at 13:29
I'm not going to tell you what I reckon because nobody thinks what I say is worth listening to anyway.
Crash Hamster    pirate
08/02/2012 at 13:31

OK, I'll have a go...

I reckon that self-esteem comes from pride in a good job done; it doesn't really matter what this job is, it's just the inner acknowledgement that you've worked hard and achieved something. If you're Richard Branson, it might be pride in creating a multi-million pound business from nothing; if you're old Mr or Mrs Goggins, it might be pride in keeping a beautiful house or garden; whatever it is, it has to be something you've achieved through your own hard work and dedication over a period of time.

Nowadays, it's easy enough to exist without having to work hard, so the challenges which give self-esteem have to be actively sought out...and a lot of people would rather sit on the sofa, watch the screen and eat doughnuts. (It's OK, I'm eating a banana not a doughnut )

No challenge, no hard work, no achievemetn, no quiet pride, no self-esteem.

I have a list, it lives only in my head, but I take it out sometimes, read the contents and remind myself that I'm always up for a challenge

Tommygun2    pirate
08/02/2012 at 13:31

If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV. --Homer Simpson

Ultra AJH    pirate
08/02/2012 at 13:40

Weight and self esteem issues are rife.

You can see why though. Come on here and say you are struggling to lose weight and someone who thinks they are better than you will jump in and start going on about how if you excercise more and eat less you will lose weight, yeah it really is that simple.

Yes, of course it is that simple.......as long as you take away the complex emotions that go along with food for so many people.

08/02/2012 at 13:41

I also said we set common goals or individual ones within our family....

You seemed to equate lack of self esteem with reading trash mags or watching reality TV (apart from reading RW once in a while I don't read trash mags)

Some of us have entered an IM race this year

My oh has announced she will go sub 2 hrs for a half marathon this year

Sprogs 2 and 2.5 have set themselves the target of renovating a derelict farm to live in.....

and so on, we don't live in a family that hasn't always got some project on the go..

even if it is not buying sarnies for lunch but making something at home to take in...

I'll see your carrot and raise you a parsnip 

Ultra AJH    pirate
08/02/2012 at 13:44

As an aside, I spent a large part of my twenties wishing I was dead or at least not here due to extremely low self esteem. Being brought up to believe that everything that goes wrong is your fault will do that to a person.......however, I got counselled, I have a husband who supports me through thick and thin and friends who helped me.

I'm very lucky really, but I know what low self esteem is.

Tommygun2    pirate
08/02/2012 at 13:45

Oh right I see this has moved on a bit and the question need a proper answer.

For me I think that the media in the UK and possible other Western countries are quite a bit of the problem. Too many shows, wether it be food, gardening, fashion or any other semi life style programs raise the bar way to high for most folk to aspire to.

So lots of people try, fail and give up. Also the media are always building people up just to knock them down. It a sort of self loathing that permeates through society.

This needs a bit deep though but I'm at work and not supposed to be on the interweb so a rushed if not awsome answer.

See I told you I was just a fat jogger whoes opnion will only be laughed at   

08/02/2012 at 13:51
Ultra AJH wrote (see)

Weight and self esteem issues are rife.

You can see why though. Come on here and say you are struggling to lose weight and someone who thinks they are better than you will jump in and start going on about how if you excercise more and eat less you will lose weight, yeah it really is that simple.

Yes, of course it is that simple.......as long as you take away the complex emotions that go along with food for so many people.

Erm, actually, yes it is that simple. Plain old physics - fewer calories ingested, more calories expended and you will shed weight. Dismissing people who tell you this as "thinking they are better than you" is ducking the issue. It's using "low self-esteem" as an excuse and it often comes as a form of attention-seeking as well. And in my observation, on this forum you'll get told the truth (see above) and also find encouragement, support threads and so on.

Imho, feel free to flame me.
08/02/2012 at 13:56

Self esteem comes from a feeling of being valued - if you are brought up in an environment where no-one has any expectations of how highly you can achieve or never gives you any feeling that you have performed well then your self esteem will be zero.  Someone earlier said self esteem comes from feeling you have achieved or performed well, I don't think it does, as if no-one tells you that you have -then how do you know? How many of us work in environments where we feel undervalued?

I believe this starts very early on in our developement - a kind of "nature or nurture" question.  I believe you need someone else whome you look to as a role model has to have input to allow someone to aquire self esteem. 

Crash Hamster    pirate
08/02/2012 at 13:58

Upbringing is an interesting point, AJH. It can be overcome, it can be used as an excuse to give up, but there's no doubt it's significant for many people...but some people succeed spectacularly despite a poor upbringing, or because of a poor upbringing, while others fail because they can't live up to the success of their parents.

It's an interesting dynamic in my own family; my father had some of the mongrel about him (though he has 'settled' now, as people apparently do from their 40s onwards!) whereas my mother, though she's lovely and kind and considerate, is a quitter.

My first wife was a quitter ('if it's too difficult, you can always give up!') and my children are one of each, despite living in the same house.

Unless something changes dramatically, one will drift through life never experiencing the highs and lows, while the other will strive spectacularly and know great success.

08/02/2012 at 14:03

Is there not a case for this is a presentation of the vocal minority? How representative would you say that anyone who goes on a reality show is of the population?

You said to separate the question from the media, but your population sample appears to be media selected. They aren't going to want to show well rounded individuals - that's not the gutter level car crash TV they're aiming for.

Ultra AJH    pirate
08/02/2012 at 14:05

Well thats what I mean CH, I am saying it can be overcome.....but it isn't always.

And Muttley, of course I bloody know it's that simple, thats what I said. I just get sick of people on RW banging on at people for not being as good as they are....and one way in which they do this is having a go at weight.

I have seen people never post again because they asked a perfectly reasonable question and got jumped on.

The 'thinking they are better than you' was aimed at the dickheads on here who really think they are.

I may or may not be clinically obese.

of course if I am it is down to my upbringing, the government and anyone else apart from me.

Crash Hamster    pirate
08/02/2012 at 14:07
Tigerlily wrote (see)

Self esteem comes from a feeling of being valued - if you are brought up in an environment where no-one has any expectations of how highly you can achieve or never gives you any feeling that you have performed well then your self esteem will be zero.  Someone earlier said self esteem comes from feeling you have achieved or performed well, I don't think it does, as if no-one tells you that you have -then how do you know?


Really? My self-esteem is an internal thing; I like to receive praise from others from time to time, but I know the things, great and small, that I'm proud of achieving; other people are more impressed by some of them than I am and I've done other things that noone else has ever noticed, but that fill me with a quiet pride. It''s my own, private, list on which I base my self-esteem; no external input required!

Ultra AJH    pirate
08/02/2012 at 14:11
I do find that these days the person I most want to impress is myself
Crash Hamster    pirate
08/02/2012 at 14:25

Back your judgement, it's better than that of any who may doubt you; look at all the fantastic things you have done!

(it's always difficult to be impressed by your own running when you post on a running site that's home to so many fantastic athletes)

Having been a runner for about 10 years now (and by the standards of the general public, though certainly not this site, being quite a good runner) it suddenly dawned on me that to improve I simply needed to run more. I'd done all the excuses (I get injured at more than 25 mpw, my thyroid's failed, I don't have the time, my lungs are damaged, i'm getting older) now I've just settled in to the hard work...and I'm loving it.

Run more, get better is blindingly obvious, but it's taken me a decade to strip away the extraneous crap; it wouldn't surprise me to learn that 'eat less, move more, lose weight' follows a similar path for people.

1 to 20 of 97 messages
Previously bookmarked threads are now visible in "Followed Threads". You can also manage notifications on these threads from the "Forum Settings" section of your profile settings page to prevent being sent an email when a reply is made.
Forum Jump  

RW Forums