Wot, no Friday joke yet?

6 messages
Trogs    pirate
25/06/2004 at 14:48
HOW TO CLEAN YOUR TOILET

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely

The Dog
25/06/2004 at 15:06
A family of moles were marching through their tunnels, nose to tail, with daddy mole at the front followed by mummy mole, daughter mole and little baby mole.


Suddenly baby mole shouts "I can smell treacle" so they go on to the next wide point of the tunnel, all shuffle past each other and start off in the opposite direction. After another 100 metres, baby mole shouts "I can smell treacle" again so they all carry on to the next wide point and the whole changing directions procedure takes place again.


This happens twice more and on the 5th occasion, daddy mole comes back and gives baby mole a hell of a clout. "What was that for dad?" he asked. Daddy mole said "You silly bu99er. That wasn't treacle you could smell, it was mole asses".
25/06/2004 at 16:34
A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse, " he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I''m only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can''t tell. I''m only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward nurse passes by and sees the man getting a little distraught so she marches over to inquire what is wrong.
"Nurse, " he mumbles, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse she is undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pajama trousers, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas, replaces the bedclothes and announces, "Nothing is wrong with them."
At this the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again,
"Are my test results back?"
25/06/2004 at 16:43
What is the difference between a rottweiler pi**ing on your leg and a poodle pi**ing on you leg ..................................................................................................................you let the rottveiler finish
25/06/2004 at 16:47
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" He just took the cue ball off the pool table and swallowed it whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, " replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar…grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. Then he finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. He has seen enough.
"Did you see what your monkey has done now?" he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bum, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, " replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to crap out that cue ball, he measures everything first."
25/06/2004 at 16:50
missed a bit at the top

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